My idea of marriage

2 min read

Couple with wedding rings

I sometimes feel as if I am a 1000 years old soul trapped in a young body. Over time, my untamed soul has started resting in cosy places where I have started looking for solace in my newfound love ie. pen and paper (writing).  As I am in a practical age of marriage, my parents face trivial pressure from exasperating neighbours and relatives (I’m sure, this story is common).

For me, marriage is a predicament where you need a visceral understanding of every relation. After all, it’s a heart thing, where brain and logic have nothing to do. In India it is union of  two unknown families (mostly of similar cultures) and two strangers reminding me of  song of Manisha Koirala’s  movie Bombay ‘Kehna Hi Kya ye Nain Ek Anjaan Se Jo Mile’ (oh God!!! I’ll end up writing the song) and then taking that relationship to a journey of making a new family all together. Marriage is a journey of meeting a stranger and taking that relationship to eternity. You don’t know him, you have never met (in case of arranged marriages) and perhaps one day that person will become an inseparable part of your life. It’s a whole new concept of interdependence where a woman is dependent on her husband for financial and emotional stability (in case of not working) and a man is dependent on his wife for emotional and intellectual stability (because men are not talkers). Only the wife knows all the secrets. There comes a whole new family after the baby arrives. Parents of both groom and bride work as a foundation for this new family. Husband and wife being fresher find it hard to adjust initially, it is the crucial stage where grown-ups need their parents’ help. Most difficult part is for new parents when new mothers find it difficult to take care of the baby and new fathers think that they are no longer superheroes for their partners.

In the growth of the family, peace, happiness and wisdom are very necessary because one single mistake can make deep marks in a child’s psychology which in turn ruins his adulthood. Contentment and happiness come from transparency in a family where even smallest of family member share his or her opinion. This sort of freedom comes when the head of the family and his wife keep up a congenial environment in the house. They teach them to develop their maverick thought process. This, in turn, comes from a good upbringing of their parents’ parents. And that helps in making good citizens of the society. These good citizens hence help country whether directly or indirectly.

Lastly, if you really want our country to flourish then we need to enjoy this rule of interdependence in the society. This reason of brotherhood helps the in the growth of youngsters. These sources of informal education can help young men and women grasp only good from society ie. Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam. This will make them less materialistic and would develop the feeling of united-ness in each other. This feeling of unity will blow away walls of the fragmentations in the society.

We are living in a chaotic world where we are busy painting outer walls of our houses and inside reality is penitent. Widespread domestic violence, disrespect for elders and old parents and neglect of children has become very common. Just to compensate these petty goals we create issues in outside world (just because we are not happy inside). From hurting a person to serious crimes happens because maybe the accused/criminal has not seen smooth childhood (not in every case). Home is the first and best teacher. This one idea can change our lives. So the idea of happy marriage and interdependence is very important to bring peace and happiness too in and outside the home. That is why I place marriage next to religion because two people with no blood relations go till eternity. It takes lots of courage to do that. The onus of saving the society is on their shoulders.

My readers, before I take a leave I would like to say that if marriage is a load (Shaadi is Barbaadi) then it breaks you down only when you don’t carry it properly. Mutual respect, understanding and patience are essentials of a happy marriage. What all we need to do is take a pause and think in which direction we all are going and then take a U-turn before it’s too late. Each one of us is running for money, power and positions and not running after happiness. Happiness lies in small, downtrodden and tacit moments.

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Shajeeda Ahmed

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