Joel Philip Thomas
Joel Philip Thomas

A passionate Social Worker holding social work degree from prestigious Loyola College, ranked No 1 in India many times, worked for BITS PILANI as Senior Researcher, worked as Social work professor in colleges in Chennai. Trained many Social work trainees in the field of Mental Health.

Perfect Marriage

5 min read

to me you are perfect

It’s marvelous to hear when people say “Congratulations and happy married life” on the day you get married and click pictures.

A perfect marriage is not when two perfect couples unite together, it’s when being perfect in spite of imperfectness…it’s a union of both heart and soul and not just the physical body. When two get married, you would have come across a saying that you are no longer two different bodies but one. It might be confusing to relate to it. But the truth is if you are living in two different bodies there can’t be joy as we think.  You can’t forget the heart which loved you and that’s happiness you’re searching for.

And it’s more tragic than death when the one you love loves you and you don’t know it. And the one you love does not love you and you know it…This can happen in a marriage. It happens when souls stays apart.

It feels so good when you are in control of the family, but it takes different level to feel loved when you’re control is shared among the family members. When during controlling others in the family, they feel their right being taken, but when you share or decentralize the power you feel independent as well as family togetherness. When everyone has the share to be expressed there are many families that fight over who is the leader, but it isn’t right, that is why there are lot of marital discord It is said that even the child has to be leaven on their own after they come to the world and they have to be just cared and protected.

What is for the man who gains a whole world but yet forfeits his soul?

During marriage life, it’s important for a man to work for his living getting the status and to earn more and see to that the family does not lack any thing, but it is important to invest more time with the family, which is more vital than your money and your job. When you spend the time, your family gets the love and affection of yourself. I can say this as a child who spent more time alone than with the parents who were both working tirelessly. Even though you earn lot of money, you some time give up to the vengeful nature of accumulating the money and nothing else. Giving less time to the family, more time in work is the nature of the world these days. It’s important to uphold the family status in the society but giving more time to family, at least going for a trip to faraway places will surely bring love, compassion which is very important for a peaceful life.

There are family who chaste their sons and daughters and beat them up for not following the instructions, just because they can overpower them, usually in the family set up certain rules and instructions are critical, when a child does not tag along, the child gets to pay the price so badly by their own parents. This brings lot of uncertainty when the child grows up and that’s how a society falls. There are still people who think that everyone around is crafty and deceitful. But it is for the parents to teach the good in others and bad in others as well. This saves the Child’s future. Even though husband and wife had turbulent times before them don’t want their child too to follow their path, but even though there are parents who tell the child to understand that they should also face such things to know the pain of the parents which is totally absurd, that is hypocrisy.

It’s true that more productive time is spent in the office than with the family, the child would like to get social and find friends, since there are lot of bad things going around the world, they teach their child not to befriend anyone which in turn slowly affects the mentality of the child, and the child doesn’t trust anyone.

The husband and wife should know about such things. Husband and Wife whether they are parent or not, should not instill any fear about anything of this sort. Being Positive and Pro active will solve such problems but not money which parents spend more time.

Family is Important

The relationship between the husband and wife is very holy, if any thoughts of bad conjugal relationship will surely fade the family life, it is vital for husband to take care of physical and mental need of a wife and vice versa. Husband should love her ever young wife and her bosom should comfort him all the time. The happiness is infectious in a family, if a man is upset it certainly affects the equilibrium of the family. And the great solution for the sadness is happiness.

Family plays important role in shaping your character, the family should always stand up to the need of the individual be it a wife or a husband or their child. A school going child spends their valuable time in the school, it is imperative for the parents to have a friendly chat with the child asking about what happened in the school, to know the boy or a girl, it is important to talk with the person. The child may hide their feelings but it is for the parents to make the child to talk about the feelings.

What would be the situation of a child where their parents don’t meet regularly even though they are part of the home which they stay, nowadays a working mother works round a clock to make things end meet, but they sacrifice the most valuable time which they missed with the family?

Nobody lives their lives to the fullest; there are always restrictions and unworthiness all around. And it sometimes creeps to our family as well. We have so busy in our lives that we don’t spend time with our own brothers and sisters in our family. There can be ups and downs in family life, love your wife even though you don’t suit to her by their character, myself and my wife Dolly are very different in nature, the way we were brought, the medium we studied, the knowledge we have, family we come from, different personality..And so on. Yet we are living as a family happily and understanding each other. We are living live up and poised to meet the life in the future which is difficult as we all know. I remember a phrase in a Hollywood movie, he says “In life when you’re tangled up, you have to just tangle on” It’s so simple. So it’s all Trail and error. So go behind your heart. It will take you to the destination you have destined to and nobody will dare to change that.

As for me I totally believe that the God has made me and Dolly together just like Adam and Eve. No serpent shall enter if there is true love goes through between you and your wife. It will be seen through thousand generations.

All our life we have seen troubles but I always feel that there will be someway the things can be changed. All our troubles come because we tolerate them. Nature always tests our reality.

Life can be meaningless at times when you feel stressed all the time thinking God will answer your prayers, but all it takes is your time acting out and shun the negatives energy which flows through. We are so proud of our lives we lived, but do we still carry that negative energy like “Our family is useless, see their family, they are living the life like we never did”? Don’t we compare our family to others? Don’t we shun the help we should have done to our family or an extended family or a best friend’s family? Didn’t we at least give some penny that would at least be remembered when their family in trouble? You know you have at least a job to do and make money when you give. Why do you save a few bucks losing your heart and mind? You might give a money to a friend and you may not receive it back.? And you want to save your face. It would be disgrace if you still show disrespect. Why there is frown and no smile? Face it and live life once! Express yourself! Protect your family! You live your life only once. Smile always! Share your love share your happiness! It’s all about getting loved. Bad moments comes through, You may feel like you are the candle in the wind. Don’t blame the stars and misdeed you think you might did. Face It! You will get help. What you sow, you will reap. If you showed love to your near ones..!You will get loved! It’s a law of karma, what goes around comes around! Show love, Show respect around you. The love between husband and wife should be perfect, there should be no boundaries. If there is no perfect understanding there you will find Husband and Wife popping pills to support their futile life. Perfect Love is the key for perfect happiness. And it’s the truth of the perfect marriage.

With our Life we started together

With your love we go together,

For the Love we do share, for the reason we do bare,

Oh what a Love when it’s shared,

If even hell so be near, it will be a solace for us I swear,

O, What a Love for we care.

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