Chance…as I am carrying on the usual chores of the day all bored…the song just popped in my head and I just went- ohhhoo so you think you are special oho you are something else…
Sure love the song…humming my way to glory to kick some excitement in the dead boring life…wanted to go for a movie..didn’t work out…expecting a call, I so don’t wanna deal with…feel a bit duhhhh in essence…
Such a boring day…even as I am humming – that don’t impress me much…I am kinda liking the words the sound of it…
Na…Iam not doing Shania Twain
Surely don’t think of myself as some freaking cocky-sassy-saucy-smart ass thing…never was..I wishhh….I wouldn’t be where I am today…
Swear Iam not….just happen to genuinely think of marriages a lot these days…more as I am gradually beginning to understand a bit more…deconstructed a little by little everyday…it astonishes me that despite and inspite of all that THIS bad boy strikes to couple….people just continuously seem to be getting into these jaws of death…knowingly-willingly-consciously…happily?
And if thats is not enough…people who are so unhappy-depressed-broken-abused…still won’t give it up…choose…yes that’s right! You heard me love…they CHOOSE to stay in the marriage…and the endless hurting and miseries….
WHY??? I want to understand…I am genuinely curious….
Is it coz if the mistake ever happens you wanna play upto it…extinguishing every second of your life….or is it coz change is way too difficult to accept…or are the challenges that face you post parting are too much of a hassle to put up with or simply the fact- can’t be asked…let things go on…or you have perhaps reached the point of – I couldn’t care less…it’s just my kids that matter…
Any which way…none of the above sounds convincing to me…well yeah! It’s my personal opinion…we are all mature adults and understand well enough what is right for us and what is not….
OMG here I go again….someone stop me please…..Iam repeating myself….the bride and groom and all the uselessly mushy-gooey-cheesy-honeydew-ed celebrations…totally unnecessary…
So in the recent past and even quite recently I have many of my friends, acquaintances, relatives either got married or are preparing to get married.
Honestly…no exaggerations everytime the news of the knots being tied is broken to me my spirits so sag…I do somehow manage a bleak-weakish- Congratulations!
Goodness….in my heart I am dying thousand deaths in one go….the very mention of marriage just as if reminds me of the imagery of .the – 10 of swords…. Rider Waite..deck I use for my readings….where the person lies dead on the floor poked with 10 swords…might wanna ask why 10? Exactly! That’s the whole point…You only need the one to kill someone..there is an element of complete unnecessary annihilation….when one is already dead why make things gory by poking yet another 10 swords…completely not needed…so not needed…
THAT is marriage to me- 10 of Swords…what happens post marriage…
I do apologise to any who are either considering getting married or already are happily married. I do pray and hope you have all the goodness coming your way..Iam only just sharing my personal experience with the marriage and in general what I have seen and felt about things…
Don’t mind if I am damned biased…coz truly I may well be… infact Iam…I can only see and understand things through the experiences I have had…
I mean I do hear things from grandparents and stuff…conclude that patriarchy is what would define how things were to be conducted within the constitution of marriage…
Usually…men provided…and women would bear children…look after the household work and carry on the usual chores of the day…
But now the dynamics are changing…women are definitely 110% more independant and take care of their needs. Breaking the tenets of society even single mums are standing tall and giving tough competition to men in pretty much every walk of life….like to say that making babies outside marriage perhaps still a taboo but is NOT completely banished or looked down upon…utmost might get some tongues wagging….but if you were to sit and crib about things there won’t be a dearth of things to whine about…
So all those things that normally people got into marriage for ….and fading…and like it or not things are getting much more complicated too….it’s all about individual aspirations and privacy…dare one encroaches on the other….FINISH! You go downward…spiraling…
Oh God and all the fairy tale! Crap-tale for all you know…
It’s all so complexed and messy. Surely two people can be madly in love but what comes post marriage is a nightmare..mostly! But the question is the love strong enough to sail through the choppy waters…challenges this institution of marriage throws at you. Like an idiot(coz normally obvious thing to do next to falling in love is -to marry) I keep thinking…why spoil it all by getting into a wedlock? Like a clown..decked in all the glitters and go through the masquerade – Marriage!
I want to understand….if two people are so in love…why is that a big deal for them to want to be together forever…and not engage in this so uselessly publicised affair…beating the bush…making it a huge affair?
What on earth are you trying to prove…or does your love need to be trumpeted around? As if not doing this would diminish your excitement of announcing love for one another…
or is it simply done to make a point-
are normal…doing what we are expected to do…we are marrying…
In a way it’s like flaunting- I have a great job…great lifestyle and I am well settled married…the done thing it is!
Or is it something one feels pressured doing…coz their friends are married..peer pressure…everyone is married so how can I stay unmarried…
Coz their parents want them married…
Or simply coz they can’t escape it…just have to at some point..so why delay
Body clock ticking…they say it’s important(is it? If yes why?)
I heard someone even say – coz that would ensure regular doses of great sex!
Seriously?
Its like…all is going great…great life…happy with the job…total sense of – all’s cool surrounds…suddenly from nowhere- Everything is good..just the right time to settle down! We should try and look for an alliance…
I mean really? What is settling down?
While waking up one morning you decide you need to be married and go for a long honeymoon…make babies…..zip-zap-zoom…..alliance shows up…lucky they tick..Married!!!.job done!
So what is the problem with that? Are you joking??
My problem seems to be the source of motivation for getting married…
why are we marrying?
Is it coz we feel like it?
It’s assumed to make us happy we think?
Or is it coz we are simply expected to?
The should bit of it just does my heading…can’t stand the thought of it..
Am I wrong to state that it is social construct that is hurling us..expecting us to do so…?
We need to certainly look at how we can flex the way society thrusts it’s assumption on us…
If that is the case…it is a serious issue…coz that in itself is NOT a great reason to tie a knot…not to me nah! It is you who is gonna spend your life with someone…not them…are they?
Although I have to be honest…it is all such a mess and the fact that this expectation has been drummed into us in the way that there is no way you can easily escape it…
For instance- I wish I did but I haven’t great things to say about my marriage. I went into it with sky rocketing enthusiasm and excitement hoping it was all gonna be great only to end where I am today and I look back and I think- Why did I have to do this?
Having said that isn’t it strange that despite and in spite of all I am saying I would love to see my younger brother married…he is all Mills n Boons..tall-dark n handsome…bless him. 6 feet deep voice announces loud and clear- No intentions marrying…
Lucky I am also blessed with this little baby sister who is growing up into this very beautiful young lady…God save me..all charms she is..bless! How she takes a great pride saying in a rather cocky way- Marriage? Are you freaking joking? Do I look the sorts?
Hearing which I must confess it deeply saddens my heart…even the slightest possibility of them not wanting to marry…Iam going- They can’t be meaning it…
I have now got a lump in my throat that is hurting….
WHY…I can never get myself to understand…
You know I have this friend whose sister got divorced ages ago…well 10 years I mean…and she is doing great by Divine grace…has secured a great career and is all beauty…how long did her marriage survive…well just if you were curious- Not even a year….
Anyway…so after ages passing her leading a single’s life again and I couldn’t be happier she has found this someone who loves her with all his heart and she obviously loves him as much..They are so committed bless! But they aren’t marrying….
NOW! Should the absence of ‘married’ label sabotage- diminish-cripple the love they share?
Shouldn’t do…should it?
Trust me they are so happy together that moves me…they are complete…they complete each other in ways unimaginable
Isn’t it rather strange that coz there is an absence of any stifling-throttling-choking element of ‘wedding ties’..that they feel much lighter- more free to love and enjoy each other’s company and give endless loving…although they are not any less committed…Iam trying to understand how is that any different?
If it isn’t that is…why marry at all?
What is the need…?
For proving a point to the society?
I feel rather spent-worn out-knackered…like totally frazzled n fagged…at the sheer thought of ‘wed-lock’
LOCK! is all that stands out to me…an element of rather dungy confines…no escaping it….
Aren’t I so biased?
Iam so sorry I have to agree I SO am….but trust me that’s how I feel…feel so strongly that the truth-love can’t be de-meritted just coz it does not bear a badge of ‘wedding.’
After all that I have been through…Once bitten twice shy…
I have learnt from my mistakes and trust me it makes me jump quite literally when I hear people say referring to someone
…she is only young…Òh you never know how things might unfold…and she might find him and ready to tie the knots….
Oh my life….No! Let her make that choice…for Heaven’s…sake…just let her be…let her breathe…dunno if she will…
Maybe..maybe not….all the same marriage will still remain a mystery to me…still to be unravelled….and trust me everything said and done…
That don’t impress me much!