Signs & symptoms to look for in a toxic relationship
Daunting but absolutely okay to admit that you could well be in a toxic relationship & may even have been leading one for years and years don’t plan to end. Who knows if it has already run its course. Maybe you are unable to visualise your life without THIS relationship, which is understandable. The sooner you realise the better it would be for you. You are probably best doing without it. It is malignant, it will disintegrate you.
Not the easiest thing to do perhaps and for all you know the decision will make you feel guilty for you might be thinking that it is selfish. It is NOT selfish. You can’t do it, you won’t do it.
OKAY! So you wanna settle for this relationship and justify everything?
Want to know what selfish is?
It is selfish to slide things under the carpet. Pretend all is normal(though its all far from normal)
It is selfish to find emotional connect outside the relationship coz you cant find it with what you have. (Doubly selfish coz the person you may be involved with may be equally getting involved with you. To what consequence? Breaking three hearts or even four?)
It is selfish to still stay within the confines of relationship & give all out of your DUTY. Is that enough? Is this all it should be like?
First encounter with & response to a ‘dead relationship’
It is only human to kind of accept things as they are after series of never ending failed tries, inflating expectations each time, soaring hopes. All of which comes crashing down when you don’t see any improvement.
What happens?
You feel stranded, trying to hold things together that just DON’T.
Impossible for you to figure what is best for you, you lose the path
Happiness is NOT a priority but peace is. DONT care, couldn’t care less
Hurts that relation NOW bring is less scary than losing the love
What is hardest & most intimidating is the fact that you get SO USED to ‘toxic relationship’ so much so it becomes a part & parcel of you & your life.
Signs to look for when in such relationship
1.Never ending mudslinging
Excessiveness of anything is unhealthy. It seems the blame game just never seems to end. Indicative of zilch trust. Not a great sign.
2.Body language of passive hostility
The very symptom of such passive aggression is the –
Glances full of contempt, rebuke (so not needed)
3.Constant attacks & criticism
Ironically the closer you get the more their traits & habit get magnified & its NOT necessary that you will like all of it. The trouble is though the contempt & hatred infuses the relationship in a way that you are unable to see anything right with them. Just don’t like anything.
Constant personal attacks are lethal as they make one feeling totally unloved, unwanted, unvalued & useless. THAT is a roadblock, difficult for a relationship to return from there on.
4.Arguments vs talks
Screeching, yelling doesn’t make you get heard any better, does it? When do we do that though? It is when you just know you won’t be heard to that you scream-shout-yell out of helplessness. When you know nothing will ever change.
5.Evident negativity surrounds
Always feeling uneasy, uncomfortable around them is exactly how your body is responding to the negativity spread around as if it can see it all, written all over – DONT want you anywhere here.
Such energies can take a toll on your health, be it emotional, physical or psychological. Thats where springs the anxieties.
6.Apparent avoidance & ignorance
You try and run away as much as you can, keep away for as long as you can so you don’t have to be around them. This is when really you should call it quits.
7.Lost yourself, NOT anymore who you used to be.
Change is a constant thing in life, all of us undergo change. In this case though its the relationship that hurls you into the direction of change which is in the least positive. You totally lose yourself, not yourself anymore. You don’t care.
8. Existentialist angst
You feel like there is no purpose to life, you are in a relationship or not it is all the same for you. You may still be in a physical relation but that hardly makes you intimate coz you have gone far away from them emotionally. Whether you chose to or they hurled you is a different matter altogether.
9.Difference bw being at comfort & wanting to be there
People often mistake the little old comfortable cocoon that’s pretty much your habit now -obviously your comfort now(You wouldnt leave coz its comfortable there)
But the question you wanna ask yourself is – Do you truely wanna be there?
Why waste time?
That’s the primary time you will look back & regret on later
10.You ensure they are happy & get what makes them happy
Happiness is a two way- give & take thing. You can’t be just giving or just taking. Your being happy should be their priority & you making them happy your’s. If you feel like this is just one sided affair often you will end up feeling drained emotionally with the feeling of complete disdain & disappointment.
10. You try your hardest but never seem to do the ‘right thing’
You feel as though no matter what you do, how hard you try to please them they are just never happy. You are so gingerly tip toeing in this relationship that you are scared to death what you might do that might backfire & annoy them , hurt them, upset them.
Hang on!It is NOT you that is the problem, well not the real problem
Till they choose to be direct & honest about it there isn’t much that can be done sadly to improve things.
Nothing you will do will ever be enough
11. No evolving happening
Change is good as it might be indicative of a great mature relationship & ‘a settled relationship.’ Although at some point expectations will rise which is not unhealthy but what is important is the gap shouldn’t be such that one alone seem to want & the other doesn’t. Thats a disjoint. Both of them must be on the same page & that is a MUST.
12. No happiness whatsoever. Caught up in circles confusion is nothing new
You get to the point of NOT wanting to explain why you are not happy anymore. It is all out there in the open. To be happy, 365 days, 24/7- is impossible , to be in a relationship BUT
this someone in your life should be the one to be able to make you happier on the whole.
They should be your support system.
You should be able to talk to them anything & everything you wish & desire with no hesitation whatsoever.
When things go haywire in life they should be your backbone
They should be your ray of hope in the heart of darkness
If that is NOT the case then what the point?
12. Memories are sheer memories NOT blocks to sustain you
You can’t be living on the past that is now dead & gone. Reminiscing on ‘what was’ is not helping, can’t help. It is no more a living reality. What is- is today. Ensure you fix it, don’t miss it.
This isn’t the easiest thing to do, coz over years one does tend to get attached & the comfort builds which is hard to leave but the few questions you truly wanna ask yourself is –
Is this is something you really what?
Is this where you want to be?
Is there anything you can do to change?
Is nothing changing, no matter what you do?
The answer is in front of you written in bold letters. If you are stuck with the wrong person, begin with accepting it first & find your happiness whatever that might mean.Wish you all the best in life. We all deserve to be happy and have the freedom to choose happiness & embrace what is healthy for us. Hope for the best to occur & happy bliss to shower on every relationship.
Make the change happen, be the change 🙂