Husband and wife relationship came about in 2007. The same year in November when Sameer, the Founder of HWR, got married. And THAT one big event was all that became the springwell of all the happenings and circumstances that eventually became the charging grain sparking the idea of starting this website in the first place.
In the wake of wedlock slowly unfolding its mysterious ways. A marriage that started rather bumpy on the rumbled road of life. Ah! And guess what funny ways of life. It was a love marriage to his sweetheart who he longingly chose to marry taking the potent-cheerful vows of being together- through better or worse, for richer for poorer…in sickness and health.
And straight after which, ‘life’ struck. Or should I say ’marriage’ ambushed him. Faced with an all new and totally unexpected chain of events. He with his uttermost new reckoned-faced mixed emotions was grappling to pull himself and his newlywed life together.
Attempts after attempts were made. All failed or backfired. After a time, he just stopped trying and succumbed to the destiny.
What happened to the marriage?
Withered away into nothingness, reasons unknown. Well! Let’s say the evil conspiracy of the fate had turned the world upside down. Husband and wife, still they were but in two separate worlds. Promises of sticking next to each other in all walks of life turned into sharing the roof but not hearts.
Bewildering him, it brought him into that valley of all-consuming realization and much-needed solitude that came with the problems which helped him not just heal, gather himself emotionally. He figured he was then in a much better position to get a thorough insight into what marriage is, he thought? Vs what it is VS what it had come to mean to him.
His beloved wife ah of course as the story is expected to go- wasn’t with him then. He was lost, stranded but he evolved, he grew, he learned, he experienced his answers…answers to how he could fix things for him and his wife he dearly loved. She was the only one he coveted. His heart pined for. How will she be able to realize his love for him? Will this ever happen? Something somehow somewhere had gone so horribly wrong. Back then, it felt, the relationship was beyond a fix. Leave alone permanent solution.
Being him, all patience, a healer, a coach, he took every experience as a piece of new learning and applied it to his life (marriage)
He had given in to the damage done BUT certainly NOT given up on his relationship. He was perseverant. That is when the most intricate little things bubbled inside of him. First handed experiences that became more and more real as he fortunately-unfortunately had to live through. Without a shadow of doubt he was on the outset of realizing-becoming aware in the deepest of all the things. What could possibly go wrong in a marriage, challenges it could pose, issues that might arise out of failure.
When his most heartfelt feelings, emotions took complete charge of him based on a host of reasonings. Some of his feelings were as bleak and faint as a dull harmless ache and some that were like serious illness. Trouble is the more you are aware of those plaguing feelings the more awashed you get of the utterly-stupidly-convincing insane logic- Lost! All gone with the wind!
Did his marriage fail just like so many other?
Nah! It wasn’t fun of course but it was worth the experience because today he enjoys a happy married life with his beloved wedded queen he once was sure wouldn’t be a part of his life anymore.
* The few things he realized categorically was ‘commitment’ is a very big thing in a relationship.
* It is NOT just a word it is an act, a promise to keep. He realized there were layers of commitment at play… structural commitment and emotional commitment.
This is where you are within a structure that has brought you together and promises are to be kept to stick to each other and ensure the bond exists, the togetherness continues, the marriage is kept alive…work hard towards achieving consistency to hold the structure of marriage together especially when it’s tumbling down.
Emotional commitment…you are in love and the rest naturally flows. Love does all that is necessary. The structure does not need holding together…it just IS together.
However, it is not a big deal, whichever it is you might fit because obviously passions are quickest to trigger and fountain and commitment develops over time. “Any which ways” like Sameer would have said…it boils down to the same.
He realized…his relationship changed…which was rather tough coz the initial periods were a straight jump from girlfriend boyfriend to ‘crisis’- married? Or not married? ‘Husband-wife’ was bowled out at the start.
Was very tempted like anyone else to just say – Committed to the relationship not working out what do I do?
He was resolute though to change things, to make sacrifices and do all that was needful to somehow shove the dead relationship to get moving. He loved his wife he thought but something just wasn’t right. She just didn’t give him a chance to be what he could be.
He realized against his own wishes at that time to get himself moving though tired his spirits were, butchered was his trust, still he chose to step up and take an action to somehow restart the relationship knowing realizing at the same time he wasn’t gonna get things exactly how he would’ve wanted- expected them to be…an honest shot made with zero expectation with an aim to fix things. He realized the ‘intent,’ ‘choice’ was vital in making or breaking.
Was determined to do whatever it would take to make things work between them. Although at that time the chances for things to work wasn’t remotely a possibility.
* Hit him…to the dizzying realization marriage is surely, without the slightest doubt keeping the mush apart. ‘An adjustment,’ ‘an agreement’
* Both involved here husband and wife can’t always get their respective ways around things you must strike an agreement.
* And oh the famous…most talked about the husband-wife ‘differences’ ‘personality clashes.’
Another moment of truth you can’t change anybody but your own self. You can’t and must NOT control others reactions. It is the built, some people are just made to behave in a certain way. It’s debatable whether or not they mean things in a fit of rage.
Not to take things at face value particularly when you are stonewalled and go to mute mode. Or simply rage takes the shape of things flinging at you…. there goes the saucepan boom! There came the crystal showpiece crashing….lucky she missed my head by an inch (wink wink).
If nothing else they seem to slip into – you are good for nothing mode!
So what are you to do? Ignore as if nothing’s happened. Well no! Of course not. All you need to do is understand and realize, this violent behavior speaks volumes about the amount of stress and frustration the relationship bears, whoever, whichever of the two behave, similarly possibilities are
They are obviously frustrated, unhappy, feel trapped, feel uncared for, unheard and most of all feel vulnerable and helpless because, apparently they can’t snap out of the situation.
Calmed moments slide in slowly beguiling you into believing- things will be fine now at least they seem fine however turns out those little phases of short-lived peace and calm is nothing but quiet before the storm before a tsunami hits again.
We have all been there done that. Nothing new or surprising is it? It’s the hot rage we are dealing with, it is meant to depress you, wear you out, and make you feel spent.
So figured that’s the time to turn the -Royal Ignore button on and talk, not jabber but hold a talk well yeah! Argue by all means that’s what husband and wife do lol! We argue, don’t we? But ensure it is a constructive argument.
It’s NOT a debate you don’t necessarily always have to win. It’s necessary at times to lose little battles to win the big war!
And oh the biggest secret it doesn’t end. It is a vicious circle that threatens to go on and on and there are no hard and fast rules to go about things. You have to see for yourself, experience and see what works best for you guys.
So they worked out little golden rules for themselves no matter how silly or petty that might sound like-
Communication must go on no matter whether things are flung at each other, cold war is on or you are in the total shut down mode and couldn’t care less.
Looking at the bigger picture is important surely! Bit clichéd but counting upon the blessings. Your marriage is a safe little cocoon of all amazing little things no matter how much you argue, fight. At the end of the day, it’s your home, that unique feeling of coming back home think of that! It is a boon! Worth fighting for and the trick is the fight must go on.
Why? Well, coz it’s all so worth it, it is worth because it is in your very hands to make it all the worth which comes down to your intent do you wish to? Do you want to? If you do, you have all the answers.
Most of all, there is much more to life. There is so much happiness scattered around and about you wanna gather them up in your bosom and make every little moment count, make worth living. Just have an intent and make your marriage worth living married.
We can all do it, Sameer did…
Today, Sameer, the Founder-Writer who happens to be a successful Entrepreneur. He practices what he preaches-handling other spheres of his life like so beautifully. Juggling between being a great hubby- father and son, counselor and running a successful Fashion wear in Mumbai. He is heavily into reading, writes most beautiful compositions – prose and poetry. He is a great listener, a life-coach whose biggest inspiration to start this site was to initiate a more positive emotional-mental-social wellbeing for the two involved within a marriage and in relationships in general.
Over and above everything dealing with all sorts of challenges and figuring a solution to possible marital difficulties. His biggest purpose being- creating a better space, a better place for the couple to understand each other in the pursuit of making a happier couple and relationship.
It is strange how when life strikes the shock of a state that we might be in YET somehow so strengthened it makes us from within and encourages us somehow to figure a way to not only survive the crisis but come up with a solution, provided we want to resolve things. Bet this has happened to each one of us at some point in time. Giving us a deeper understanding of happenings and circumstances so much so that you emerge as the one taking charge of ensuring a resolution occurs.
Why and How? Well, because now…standing on the other side you know exactly what tends to-is likely to go wrong and how we can go about fixing it.
That is exactly what Sameer has done here.
Who am I? In case you are wondering. I am just one of you, one of us, one of the writers who has lived through- survived the hard knocks of marriage when one of the angels on this particular site held my hand and whispered words of such comfort and bliss and I feel two most beautiful things happened here, HWR and a friend I made here for life she is amazing she is LIFE. And guess what…
Who can say
Where the road goes
Where the day flows…only time
And who can say IF your love grows
As your heart chose…only time…
Who can say why your heart sighs
As your love flies…
Who can say why your heart cries…
When your love dies only time
Why your heart cries
When your love dies…only time
Who can say when the roads meet
That love might be, in your heart..
And who can say when the day sleeps
If the night keeps all your heart…
Our Writers are NOT sheer writers: They are compassionate healers, keen listeners, artists who sculpt stories, articles, and poems. Subtly making way to audiences’ heart. They don’t just have a knack and flair to write but they have a deep understanding of the subject that can be translated into ideas, answers, and stories.
The reason they are working with us is because they are real people who have trodden the path you may be treading now, much in tandem with the nitty-gritty of what goes into a relationship. They carve a world of colorful stories at times questioning the taboos, squarely showing reality no matter how scrupulous it may be.
At times grieving the loss, encouraging the goodbyes if necessary, at times celebrating the joy-happiness in the love, the lovemaking between life and marriage, at times quite literally celebrating marriage-relationships, identifying gaps to be worked upon to make happier living, even shaming if the need be incidents, lace in emotions, all sorts of sentiments, bead characters to reach you out and relate to you through stories, some of which are real stories and some fiction.
Invoke and evoke in you rich emotions which at times may be thought-provoking, self-introspecting, getting a better perspective into relationships, making things fall into the line of comprehension without having to deal with doctors, psychiatrists or counselors. Either way, the idea is to create a real connection with real people.