The title is far too bold an accomplishment for this article. To assume that one has fully grasped the dynamics of the marital relationship between a husband and wife is flirting with disaster. But, having spent most of my professional life-giving advice to men and women most of whom were husband and wife, I am taking on this subject to share a little of what I learned through the years.
First, let me be most clear about this – men and women do not think alike. They do not process information alike. Women and Men definitely do not respond to incidents the same. Having made that clear, allow me this recommendation: Amazon, Christian Book Distributors, and others sell the book entitled “Men Are Like Waffles and Women Are Like Spaghetti” by Pam and Bill Farrel. A small book that is worth its weight in gold to grasp the differences and understand how to respond to your partner.
Please do yourself a favor and get this book and read it several times. Both of you will get several things of value from the book. When you men think you understand the pearls of wisdom this little book shares, lay it down and tell no one. Then, after a little while, come back and begin reading it again from the beginning.
Truthfully this little book will help you to understand the contrasts that exponentially spiral the dynamics of living together beyond the stratosphere. As the recognition begins to take hold of both of you, a new dawn is about to open dimensions of joy, peace, and contentment you never knew were possible.
When God introduced male and female and then as husband and wife, it was to the world a puzzle too often assumed to be understood. Yes, it is possible for each of you to understand the thought process and emotions of the other. To do so requires a want to meet that level of intellectual and emotional maturity that some very fortunate couples do.
The physical differences are easily recognizable. But, the emotional and intellectual differences the physical recognition cannot define. This dynamic of polar differences stumps the best of us. We do stretch our limits with our want, drive, and determination to reach understanding. Still, that understanding and appreciation will only come after intentional effort and much trial and error.
If each man and each woman were the same, our life would be a more robotic existence. Therefore, the differences give us the spice and grandeur of life. That complexity is never clearer than with couples who have attained higher plains of understanding each other. Their love is open and obvious. Their compassion seems all-consuming. But, together they draw most of us to them because the aura surrounding them is like a people magnetic. Even without understanding it, we appreciate experiencing it and enjoy being near them.
How do they get there? The simple answer is one day at a time. But the secret, if a secret it is, is that each day is filled with mutual love and respect that drives each of them to explore new depths of understanding. The element of oneness cannot be taught – only experienced.
Women often raise their voice, shed tears, and use some angry words just to get it off their minds. It is this expulsion through verbal “venting” that releases them from the stress of whatever has been inside and causing discomfort and pain. Men often do not recognize the beauty of this cleansing release. You will see other women urge on the one who is venting because they know that the release is the best solution. Men attempt to recall the words and use them to fix the imaginary problem they perceive from the vehement exchange is wrong!
Men, please hear me. When your sweet wife turns purple with what appears to be the rage, she does not need to hear from you what you think is a solution. Instead, urge her to tell you more and listen with both your head and your heart. After a few times, you will begin to get the idea when she is venting and therefore releasing the pressure. Do not misunderstand, the substance of what she is saying may well be vitally important for you to hear and take seriously in order to further your self-improvement.
Men, avoid telling a woman what she should do. You will live longer and enjoy many more days of peace. The old sage said it best, “a happy wife, is a happy life.”
In other words, think about what she needs and do your best to give her an atmosphere for that to occur. When you mess up, fess up. Do not let the mess up faster. When you realize (or have it pointed out) that you messed up, immediately confess it. Learn the true attitude of giving her what she needs at those few times when she really needs them. Yes, there are times when your wife just needs to have silence from you. Yes, there are times when your wife does not need you to touch her. Beginning to get the picture? Good. Keep learning.