Journey from strangers to strangers

How heart still yearns for him?

Years and years have gone by. Heart feels nostalgic and I am writing reminiscing how perfect our first meeting felt. Till today I can feel that vibrant freshness of your smile which used to get even warmer and brighter at my sight. Back then, we were just kids of course so obviously I never realised, or even tried to understand why and how you were a completely different person around me. You you would just spring to life when I was around. Sadly we had to parts ways in order to sort lives and attain our most cherished dreams.

God had some plan in place it seems. Years later the universe plotted our second innings. Ever interesting is the fact that this time around it is going to be as ‘more than friends.’ So far, I was busy fighting my own battles, happily, longingly I agreed leaving my battles alone for a bit.

Deciding gracefully to dive into this THING called life. Happy moments, I thought. I greeted with a smile on my face. Thinking out loud heard myself say ‘On one fortunate day you might even become a part of my life.’ Too soon, I know, but that’s how it always felt right from the very start.

You found me in the dreary deserts. I was not ready for it but that was the best thing that had ever happened to me. You kept going on and on about how you missed me and that was music to my ears. You talked about how you loved my sparkling,curious, starry eyes. No! You didn’t read my heart, did you? You said how you like my attitude towards ‘us’ and my humility.  How I was all floored when you said I’m not a face but a personality. Now that was far too much I was turning crimson. You said i’m innocent. That is special and you liked that part of mine. You said i’m different. What I heard next made me almost swoon. You said I was a dream, never realizing you still ARE my dream. You always were. You said you had saved yourself  all these years just for me. It was your fantasy, your dream to have me as part of your life.

How you brought me to life and light. Until I heard all this for real that too in your voice I thought ‘love’ was something that just belonged to sonnets and literature. You made me FEEL love, believe in love and romance.

You somehow had it in you to turn me into this wild beast, tigress who knew only passion and freedom. Freedom from every flaws. I was but a coy, shy someone who sprang up to bounty all thanks to you.

I was attracted to your wit, your wisdom and your deep engaging eye which outsmarted my gaze. I learnt from you many things and grew with you. You were the man who made way into my heart and my life . Surely you understand the depths of my heart, thoughts and unravel the mystery floating in my eyes.

I wanted all or nothing. I want you, all of you, I am so in love with you. I always loved you beyond measures and you are all I ever wanted, still want.

I loved you like I would love my own shadow, like you were the only person for me, never looked at another man. I couldn’t bear to be torn apart from you for a second, like my most beautiful mistake. I wanted to love you with every inch of my body.

Trying so hard to keep me detached from the magnet of our  memories. Memories that linger in my heart and come back to haunt me. I fear I may be sinking in your memories, thoughts of you that hover in my heart more and more each day.  Now when you are gone with a good-bye song and will be a married man soon, the pain in my heart is unbelievable. Iam learning to live with this pain, try to keep it buried deep inside my broken heart that still grieves losing you. All you are though is a shattered dream! You are gone, gone for good. Will you mushroom again? I know not, I can just hope and pray that you do. Yes I love you still only if you knew.

Love is not all the dilly-dally the movies make it out to be. Love is lovely, love is painful, knowledgeable, hurtful, compelling and life- changing alone. You are still my love, my inspiration, my muse. Love you with all my heart still.

Dedication to the loveliest person I have ever met.

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Shajeeda Ahmed

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Shajeeda Ahmed

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