On What Love Is And What It is Not…….
Lately my friend Prachi has had love on my mind a lot. And that has led me too talking and listening about love a lot. I think we all do, no? For her, right now she’s thinking a lot about marriage and what that will mean. She just got engaged last week, in case you hadn’t heard.
So yes, she’s thinking a lot about the wedding, how to decorate, what to wear, what to serve, the list goes on and on it seems . But she’s also been reflecting a lot on Pranay’s and her relationship and how things have played out. They are one of those couples who nearly didn’t get together. They almost didn’t start dating, because she was very closed off to the idea. They dated in college, and it had not turned into a positive relationship in her life. She held onto that for years. So this time around she wasn’t open to falling in love. But then she took a chance. And, thankfully, it paid off in a big way.
Of course, love isn’t always about romance. We all receive and give love in so many different ways to so many different people in our lives. And I think we can all agree we all need love. It’s absolutely necessary to having a happy life. Since I have love on the brain these days, I thought today we could discuss a few thoughts on the subject. Here are a few things I feel strongly about, and I’d love to hear your thoughts as well.
1. First, you have to love yourself.
Some of us grew up in a loving and encouraging family, and some of us didn’t. We’ve probably all had some kind of relationship in our lives that has left us feeling hurt. You can’t control your outside circumstances. I wish we could. What you can control is your own choices. It can be hard to love when you feel broken. If you don’t come to any relationship (romantic, friendship, family) whole, you end up asking others to fill in the broken pieces or shutting them out completely. You first have to love yourself. Then, you can offer relationships your strengths rather than looking to them to fix your weaknesses. We all have the power to make this decision no matter what hand life has dealt us.
2. Be someone you would love.
It is always easier to blame others. Always. What’s hard is looking to yourself and realizing that maybe it’s you who needs to change. Before you have amazing relationships you have to be someone you would love. Be the mother you would want. Be the girlfriend you would fall in love with. This is a lifelong process the important people in your life will help you with if you are open to it. Stop focusing on others’ shortcomings so much and instead work on yourself.
3.Love doesn’t hold back.
Don’t hold grudges. Go all in. We’ve probably all been hurt before, and I’m not saying we should ignore those situations. But. Don’t let past hurts prevent you from making new relationships or falling in love. This almost happened to me. I was hurt and felt justified in my unwillingness to forgive even though my circumstances had changed. And this attitude nearly prevented me from meeting my future husband. Don’t be afraid to love deeply. It can be scary to depend on anyone. Be open. Be brave.
4. Choose your important relationships.
I truly believe that we should love everyone. An attitude of love to your fellow citizens is a great way to live your life. Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone did this? However, this does not mean that you should open yourself up to being hurt over and over again. Choose the people who you cultivate important relationships with. If someone has continually been a negative influence in your life, or doesn’t treat you the way you deserve, then they should not receive the privilege of being one of your close relationships. Focus on the positive influences in your life. Love them deeply
5. Love is work.
Every important relationship in your life requires attention in order for it to grow. I am so guilty of being that friend who doesn’t call back. It is So easy to get busy with your life, with work or school or whatever you are passionate about and not focus on cultivating the love in your life. I should get dinner with my parents more often. I should get coffee with my sister more (work meetings don’t count!). I should find ways to show him that I love him more often. If you neglect any relationship it will decline over time. I’ve had many friends over the years that I’ve sort of drifted apart from simply because I didn’t make time for them. Being a giving and loving person takes a lot of effort. And that’s something that I’m working on this year.
Top 11 Characteristics Of True Love:
Love is not a notion or a theory. It’s a verb to be practiced on the daily basis. If you want a love that lasts, you have to fuel it with action. When the music stops playing and the wine bottles are empty, this is what’s left.When we think of love, we think of chocolates, lazy afternoons at the park, or romantic date nights. While romance is a critical part of any relationship, it’s the day-to-day
1.Love speaks kindly.
Love realizes that the words you use convey your feelings. Love doesn’t criticize, demonize, or demoralize. Instead, you can use words to uplift, cherish, and appreciate your partner. Use words that express your needs and communicate what you want, not that attack or bully your lover.
2. Love forgives quickly.
Your ego wants to hold onto every slight and injustice, but lasting love requires burying the hatchet daily. It’s forgiving your partner for the sake of peace and sanity and because you love your partner. It’s realizing that pent-up anger and long-term resentments will ruin a relationship. So it’s letting go of their trespasses quickly, and knowing that both of you are not perfect. If you forgive quickly and apologize quickly, you’ll mend the pain that arises faster.
3. Love accepts unconditionally.
You’ll continue to find things about your partner that may distress you. You’ll find out about their past and discover new things about them each day. You have a choice: to judge and hold them or simply to accept them for who they are. If this is a lasting love, you’ll accept their past, accept the person they were before, accept the mistakes they’ve made, and accept who they are today.
4. Love gives generously.
Love gives without asking and without conditions. Love gives without expectations of reciprocation. Love doesn’t measure how much is given or how much you get back. Love doesn’t keep score. Love gives abundantly, shares willingly, and values creating happiness.
5. Love expresses courageously.
It takes courage to express yourself. A loving relationship will allow you to say what you’re feeling. Love will allow you to have difficult conversations and work through conflict without destroying the relationship. Love is saying how you feel, exchanging your concerns, and being receptive to what your partner says.
6. Love laughs loudly.
Love is laughing with your partner. Laugh more to love more. Enjoy those things that make you both laugh. Laugh to reduce tension, laugh to end conflict, and laugh because you find the same things funny. Laugh out loud every day.
7. Love feels deeply.
Love is when you can share your feelings openly. Love is when you’re able to sit and accept your partner’s feelings and frustrations. Love is sympathy, understanding, and compassion for yourself and each other.
8. Love listens sincerely.
Love is listening to understand. It’s not inattentive listening or pretending to listen. It’s not listening to fix or offer a solution. It’s not listening to judge or listening to condemn. It’s listening with your presence. It’s listening with your heart. It’s being there for your partner during the ups and downs of everyday life and during the stressful times. It’s active listening to help your partner be heard and seen.
9. Love judges infrequently.
Love is judging less, or not at all. It’s not making false assumptions or coming to cynical conclusions. It’s not thinking the worst of your partner but thinking the best of them. It’s giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. Judging less means less hostility toward your partner and more respect toward them. It means believing in who they are at their best, not at their worst.
10. Love trusts willingly.
Love means taking a risk, trusting, and going all in even though you know that you could end up with heartbreak and pain. When you trust willingly, you’re giving love a chance to flourish. Trust means acceptance, choosing to be vulnerable, and choosing to say what you’re feeling. It’s taking daily risks knowing that your partner will be there to catch you if you fall.
11. Love supports completely.
When the going gets tough, love is about being there for your partner. It’s about supporting them in their dreams and their successes but even more about being there for them when life gets rough. A couple that stays together during the tough times will coast together during the good times. When the road gets rough, dig in and hold each other up more than ever before.
Seeing Prachi and Pranay, I think true love doesn’t happen right away; it’s an ever-growing process. True love stories never have endings. Life is a game and true love is a trophy. True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion.True love is selfless. The course of true love never did run smooth.For true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow. Love consists in giving without getting in return; in giving what is not owed, what is not due the other.
True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does. I believe in true love, and I believe in happy endings. And I believe.
What about you? Any thoughts on love???