My idea of marriage

At times I feel as if I am a 1000 years old soul trapped in a young body. As the time has gone by, over time my untamed soul has started resting, finding comfort in cosy places which has found me great solace! It is my newfound muse ‘writing,’ pouring my heart bare on a piece of paper.  I like to think of myself just fit to be married in every way. Well! practical age of marriage, shall I say! My parents constantly feel the pressure by exasperating neighbours and relatives (I’m sure, this story is common).

For me, marriage is a predicament where you need a visceral understanding of every relation. After all, it’s all to do with the heart, where brain and logic haven’t got much place. In India it is union of  two unknown families (mostly of similar cultures) and two strangers reminding me of song that is supposed to be a very romantic song BUT strangely can be construed into meaning ‘Not much left to think, say or reason out when you are stuck with a complete stranger’ ‘Kehna Hi Kya ye Nain Ek Anjaan Se Jo Mile’ (oh God!!! I’ll end up writing the song) and then taking that relationship through a whole journey of making a new family from scratch.

Mostly, well in arranged marriage, it is a journey of meeting a stranger and welcoming that sheer stranger of a person into your heart, your life hoping to make him or her your world, your everything. You don’t know him, you have never met and perhaps one day that person will become an inseparable part of your life. It’s a whole new concept of interdependence where mostly woman is dependent on her husband for financial and emotional stability (in case of non working) and a man is dependent on his wife for emotional stability. Only the wife knows all the secrets. Once the baby arrives, it’s a whole new experience taking that relationship to a completely different level.

Parents of both bride and groom pretty much work as a foundation for this new family. In a completely matter of fact manner, coz everything is so new, everything feels alien. All that waking up through the night, constant feeds, nappy change, sleepless nights. You turn zombie learning the tricks of the trade. Husband and wife still freshers let us put it that way, find it hard to cope with newness brought to life which is rather overwhelming. Grandparents tend to play a vital role and play more than sheer babysitters. They end up becoming the biggest lifelines at this time of utter confusion in the glory of arrival of little wonder.

As one grows in a relationship, the family’s connections grow as much. The  peace, happiness wisdom are the core that hold any relationship. A single mistake made may have deep impact on the little one which in turn ruins his growing up days as he enters into his adulthood.

Transparency is key to healthy relationships and must be maintained to have a life full of contentment and happiness.  A positive, congenial environment is a must for keeping the health of any relationship in the house.

Idea of happy marriage and interdependence is very important to bring peace and happiness too in and outside our homes. This is the reason why I hold marriage next to religion because two complete strangers no blood relations build relation closer than mere blood relations. It takes lot to do that.

Dear readers, before I take a leave I would like to say that if marriage is ‘caustic chaos’ it breaks you down only when you don’t carry it with the grace that you perhaps should. Marriage needs to be handled delicately.

Mutual respect, understanding and patience are essentials of a happy marriage. What we really need to do is take a pause, think and notice which direction you are headed to. For all you know, you might need a U-turn before it’s too late. Salvage the situation, save your marriage, protect your promises to stay together. Respect your bond, respect your marriage.

At times happiness is found in the things most overlooked. It may be right under your nose. Grow love, nurture happy relations. Marry NOT to marry but marry to make happy relationships for life!

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Shajeeda Ahmed

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Shajeeda Ahmed

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