Do you see this little boy? Take a good look
You wanna get to know him, he is adorable, he is beautiful inside out, just lost…
Been been HERE thrice
Felt him twice
Helpless it feels, keep staring at him
So beautiful, so handsome a pure ‘hymn’
Look to find a vulnerable deeply wounded little child
He silently weeps, so scared, so angry, at times even wild
He looks all engulfed, trapped & oh so stuck
So hopeless, so given up as if no luck
He hides enormous amount of hurt
Buried deep within makes him act curt
Try to tell him- it’s all fine
He says nothing no response! No sign!
Everytime I see him hurt,goes to him- a piece of me
He is so unavailable, he just cannot see
A shy little boy he is, do you know him too?
Looks composed, beneath him lays all shades of blue
No matter what you say or do for him, does not budge
DON’T jump to conclusions as yet,please do not judge
Seems like my heart will explode for sure
Can’t seem to do this yet again, NO! no more
He must learn to ‘want to change’
For his hurts, he cannot avenge
Connect more to his emotions & himself
Just to be found & accept his true self
There is abundant love around
He will find what he needs, all will be found
It all seems, it always fell on deaf ears
Keep running into him ‘the same,’ years after years
Try to hold him close to me but he refrains
Wish I could soak up all his pain
Whoa! Men from Venus too?
Haven’t we always come to believe all the mumbo-jumbo about the Men are from Mars & women are from Venus. May be, true to an extent but not the whole truth, is it? How, well coz the expressions differ, handling of the situations differ.
Emoting differs
While we freely express our emotions in every possible manner. Men act and act per conformation to men’s behaviour (already decided-preconceived behavioral codes) ironically despite & in spite of all very much being there, its all subdued, pushed down, carefully given the garb of logic & reasonings- whats right & whats not right.
While the tears can be seen, heart aches, weeping heart cannot be seen, can it?
How?- Well! Expected to be reasonable, practical- SO he acts, he becomes. Also, it makes perfect sense to him coz obviously he is not understood anyway, why bother? While no one bothers to know where do all those emotions wonder off? Well they really don’t, do they?
An overwhelming sense of unfairness takes me over as I CAN feel the little boy hurt, so scared who nurses such fears and all he knows is to express his vulnerability that takes the shape of anger, aggression.
You might think, who is he? & why is he like this
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Why wasn’t he ever given a chance to express himself?
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Why can’t he recover his hurts?
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Why does he find it so hard to communicate?
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Does he look like a jerk whose sex drive’s gone berserk?
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He wastes time, he is mostly sex-ting this or the other?
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He is ever moody, mostly angry & so irritable
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He oscillates, pendulums bw what he says. Says something and next minute something else
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He is very unstable emotionally. Happy one minute, next minute all taken over by sadness
Change un-doubtly is NEVER easy. It creates a phase of unrest & paranoia.
This unease ONLY fades if given a chance to slowly fade off, die down.
At times, if NOT accepted & shock is not taken well, the feelings are repressed and manifests in all different sorts of ways.
Coz the societal pressure of expectations to conform to a certain way, these men will tend to deny themselves the rare luxury of grieving things out.
What they dont realise is they are denying an important part of them that could have a great bearing on their personality later in life.
What happens?
Continuous denial to those emotions expressing, he loses touch with his own self, his true self.
Oh! DON’T mistake it for going away. It just manifests in different ways. Consequences are rather stark & sad.
What does he become?
Often he starts associating himself with this anger that becomes his altar self. Very macho? Is it? Hell no! He just becomes so, there a lot of underlying frustrations at play there.
He thinks he is at peace by being passive. He is all numbed. Seeming unfeeling feeling the most ironically
Aggression is their comfort zone, underneath lays morbidly compromised, sadly violated self of his.
Intimacy is his biggest fear somehow as that makes him feel most dreaded things- he feels trapped, overwhelmed, consumed, engulfed & THAT causes immense pain.
His mysterious need for too much sex! He goes crazy with his ever heightening sex drive.
Wants sex for sex sake without the pressure to conform to the demands of love & expectations
They try to channel their needs & frustrations into busying themselves crazy. Just wanna be dunked into things. Dread a spare min.
They seek to connect deeply, for that depth to show.
He is so emotionally stuck, is unable to manage his own emotions coz he has always denied them, never let them express completely.
Their trapped, compromised, violated feelings & emotions take the shape of physical problems crippling them. Body aches, chest pains, fainting, blackouts etc etc
Trouble is, they bury their most heartfelt hurts, feelings right deep down. Over the years they’ve been adding up to the piling mountain of unexpressed-harshly silenced feelings. They find it impossible to tackle with & handle their long silenced feelings.
So what do we do? How do we help him out?
He has to help his own self out. He really needs to desire to change, needs to come from within. If he is adamant to, no matter what you do it will all be invain.
He needs to do a lot of introspection & soul searching. He needs to earnestly want to change & make this better for himself.You expecting him to, wont help.
If you are his woman, reading this. Let it be him who decides if you are the right one NOT you telling him that.
Respect his need for time & space. He is NOT a toy for heaven’s sake. He cannot just flip coz you want him to. He needs time to get over his unsettling feelings.
Embrace & accept & love him just the way he is. DONT try to change him, respect the real him.
You love him, mean it by all you can. Make him happy & keep his positive
You love him & wanna marry him. For all you know he does too but give him time. DONT pressure to commit. Not done, not fair.
You are gonna wanna cling on & he will shirk you off right down. Word of caution please do not cling on too much. Total put off for him.
They are only human! No they DON’T have to be perfect, neither are you.
So why such a pressure of him? Just coz he happens to be your boyfriend? Your husband? Your partner? Your love interest?
Has he to sweep you off your feet? Can he not have bad day just just as you?
Why does he alone alway have to bear the burden of being the ‘best,’ & live up to the expectations? Why such burden on him alone?
We all have our own share of imperfections & so does he. What is the big deal in that? He is as much fallible as you are, bound to make mistakes just as anyone else. But that doesn’t makes him any less worthy of love & dignity.
Ladies, its time we gave our bit & actually started being equals. He is not here(alone) to please you, save you, protect you, keep you safe & secure. You TOO have to play your part in completing him, protecting him, loving him & holding him safe & secure.
Ladies, if you ever run into him, I hope you are able to help this little boy bask in your love to be the happy joyous man he deserves to be.