Pent up-repressed-subdued, he is only a little boy who needs to heal!

Do you see this little boy? Take a good look

You wanna get to know him, he is adorable, he is beautiful inside out, just lost…

Been been HERE thrice

Felt him twice

Helpless it feels, keep staring at him

So beautiful, so handsome a pure ‘hymn’

Look to find a vulnerable deeply wounded  little child

He silently weeps, so scared, so angry, at times even wild

He looks all engulfed, trapped & oh so stuck
So hopeless, so given up as if no luck

He hides enormous amount of hurt
Buried deep within makes him act curt
Try to tell him- it’s all fine
He says nothing no response! No sign!
Everytime I see him hurt,goes to him- a piece of me
He is so unavailable, he just cannot see

A shy little boy he is, do you know him too?

Looks composed, beneath him lays all shades of blue

No matter what you say or do for him, does not budge

DON’T jump to conclusions as yet,please do not judge

Seems like my heart will explode for sure

Can’t seem to do this yet again, NO! no more

He must learn to ‘want to change’
For his hurts, he cannot avenge

Connect more to his emotions & himself
Just to be found & accept his true self

There is abundant love around

He will find what he needs, all will be found

It all seems, it always fell on deaf ears

Keep running into him ‘the same,’ years after years

Try to hold him close to me but he refrains

Wish I could soak up all his pain

Whoa! Men from Venus too?
Haven’t we always come to believe all the mumbo-jumbo about the Men are from Mars & women are from Venus. May be, true to an extent but not the whole truth, is it? How, well coz the expressions differ, handling of the situations differ.

Emoting differs

While we freely express our emotions in every possible manner. Men act and act per conformation to men’s behaviour (already decided-preconceived behavioral codes) ironically despite & in spite of all very much being there, its all subdued, pushed down, carefully given the garb of logic & reasonings- whats right & whats not right.

While the tears can be seen, heart aches, weeping heart cannot be seen, can it?

How?- Well! Expected to be reasonable, practical- SO he acts, he becomes. Also, it makes perfect sense to him coz obviously he is not understood anyway, why bother? While no one bothers to know where do all those emotions wonder off? Well they really don’t, do they?

An overwhelming sense of unfairness takes me over as I CAN feel the little boy hurt, so scared who nurses such fears and all he knows is to express his vulnerability that takes the shape of anger, aggression.

You might think, who is he? & why is he like this

  • Why wasn’t he ever given a chance to express himself?

  • Why can’t he recover his hurts?

  • Why does he find it so hard to communicate?

  • Does he look like a jerk whose sex drive’s gone berserk?

  • He wastes time, he is mostly sex-ting this or the other?

  • He is ever moody, mostly angry & so irritable

  • He oscillates, pendulums bw what he says. Says something and next minute something else

  • He is very unstable emotionally. Happy one minute, next minute all taken over by sadness

Change un-doubtly is NEVER easy. It creates a phase of unrest & paranoia.

This unease ONLY fades if given a chance to slowly fade off, die down.

At times, if NOT accepted & shock is not taken well, the feelings are repressed and manifests in all different sorts of ways.

Coz the societal pressure of expectations to conform to a certain way, these men will tend to deny themselves the rare luxury of grieving things out.

What they dont realise is they are denying an important part of them that could have a great bearing on their personality later in life.

What happens?

Continuous denial to those emotions expressing, he loses touch with his own self, his true self.

Oh! DON’T mistake it for going away. It just manifests in different ways. Consequences are rather stark & sad.

What does he become?

Often he starts associating himself with this anger that becomes his altar self. Very macho? Is it? Hell no! He just becomes so, there a lot of underlying frustrations at play there.

He thinks he is at peace by being passive. He is all numbed. Seeming unfeeling feeling the most ironically

Aggression is their comfort zone, underneath lays morbidly compromised, sadly violated self of his.

Intimacy is his biggest fear somehow as that makes him feel most dreaded things- he feels trapped, overwhelmed, consumed, engulfed & THAT causes immense pain.

His mysterious need for too much sex! He goes crazy with his ever heightening sex drive.

Wants sex for sex sake without the pressure to conform to the demands of love & expectations

They try to channel their needs & frustrations into busying themselves crazy. Just wanna be dunked into things. Dread a spare min.

They seek to connect deeply, for that depth to show.

He is so emotionally stuck, is unable to manage his own emotions coz he has always denied them, never let them express completely.

Their trapped, compromised, violated feelings & emotions take the shape of physical problems crippling them. Body aches, chest pains, fainting, blackouts etc etc

 

Trouble is, they bury their most heartfelt hurts, feelings right deep down. Over the years they’ve been adding up to the piling mountain of unexpressed-harshly silenced feelings. They find it impossible to tackle with & handle their long silenced feelings.

So what do we do? How do we help him out?

He has to help his own self out. He really needs to desire to change, needs to come from within. If he is adamant to, no matter what you do it will all be invain.

He needs to do a lot of introspection & soul searching. He needs to earnestly want to change & make this better for himself.You expecting him to, wont help.

If you are his woman, reading this. Let it be him who decides if you are the right one NOT you telling him that.

Respect his need for time & space. He is NOT a toy for heaven’s sake. He cannot just flip coz you want him to. He needs time to get over his unsettling feelings.

Embrace & accept & love him just the way he is. DONT try to change him, respect the real him.  

You love him, mean it by all you can. Make him happy & keep his positive

You love him & wanna marry him. For all you know he does too but give him time. DONT pressure to commit. Not done, not fair.

You are gonna wanna cling on & he will shirk you off right down. Word of caution please do not cling on too much. Total put off for him.

They are only human! No they DON’T have to be perfect, neither are you.

So why such a pressure of him? Just coz he happens to be your boyfriend? Your husband? Your partner? Your love interest?

Has he to sweep you off your feet? Can he not have bad day just just as you?

Why does he alone alway have to bear the burden of being the ‘best,’ & live up to the expectations? Why such burden on him alone?

We all have our own share of imperfections & so does he. What is the big deal in that? He is as much fallible as you are, bound to make mistakes just as anyone else. But that doesn’t makes him any less worthy of love & dignity.

Ladies, its time we gave our bit & actually started being  equals. He is not here(alone) to please you, save you, protect you, keep you safe & secure. You TOO have to play your part in completing him, protecting him, loving him & holding him safe & secure.

Ladies, if you ever run into him, I hope you are able to help this little boy bask in your love to be the happy joyous man he deserves to be.

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Tanvi Kumar

About the Author

Tanvi Kumar

Hi My name is Tanvi, I am a freelance journalist and a writer. Love to express and connect to people. My writings are essentially a part of me. Mainly done writing, involving different styles, from educational to spirituality and travel to various facets of lifestyle.Always been inclined to art. Explored and experimented with all sorts of art. Be it painting on a canvas, creating a wonderland with edibles that tickles your palate, chiseling an attractive world of ideas that can be conceptualized into something working or simply sculpting a world with words with a tang of personal touch. Coming to think of it, anything starting right from crafting, cooking, ideating. Love them all.Besides that, I have a great interest in tarot and spirituality and I feel both of them go hand in hand. Iam an impulsive Tarot Reader, Rider Waite and plain playing cards being among my favourites. Like to think it’s a Devine tool guidance. Omnipotent has means and ways to reach us and is above everything and everyone. Right from the beginning I always found myself penning down my most heartfelt experiences which would always lend such great sense of fulfillment, almost cathartic! Before I realized it grew as a passion and all my strongly felt emotions, experiences, spun into poems, prose and articles. Never hesitated to pen down any promptings that I felt coming from within.This is who I am, this is what I do, I write. Just a few words about who Iam. Iam a mum of a two year old. And oh! No it’s not easy being a mum! Is it? But it’s surely worth all the hard work. And that’s how my freelance career kicked off. Ever since I had my little man, I found it rather tough to juggle between work and looking after the non-stop demands of a little wailing baby. I had turned almost a zombie when I reluctantly decided to freelance. Coz I loved my job at Morrisons. my career didn’t quite start as a writer, though always writing, never disconnecting from the writer inside me, I continued looming up a world of words that found its expression in varied forms. Like any other 20 year old I was enamored by the thought of being independent and the quickest way to do it was a BPO! Well who doesn’t like making money? To be fair, it wasn’t all that bad actually. I realized I loved to connect to people, loved to have a nice laugh with them, strike a rapport, try to help them with all my capacity. Soon, I had a calling from within surely that’s not what I wanted to do, I wanted to write, to express, to reach to people. Which is when Times Group happened; I was a part of online division. Always having a bent towards doing something creative. Times threw me an opportunity to do just that. The job required to me ideate, conceptualize, write for different events. What I enjoyed most was the radio bit, I have sung jingles, broadcasted the forecast subjects Tarot and Astrology. It was all so creative and fun at the same time. Getting married, straight after which I had to leave the job as we moved to the UK, where I started working as a freelance journalist, writer, content developer, alongside working at Morrisons at customer service. Been a part of Aceville Publications, Edge Allen, Morrisons in house magazine. All of us have dreams and aspirations in life. And so do I To be successful, to make a difference. That’s what I would like to do, that’s what I aspire to be.

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