The Adoption Takes Time But Love Arrives Instantly
However Motherhood Comes To You, It’s A Miracle. Married couples often face diificulties of not being able to bear child of their own. They often opt for artificial concepts and adoption. Adoption today is not only out of inability to reproduce, rather it is a form of will. charity, love and social gesture. Married couples considering adoption have a lot of things to think about and choices to make before diving into the process. While married couples are the most common group to adopt, and adoption professionals tend to give them precedence in adopting, there are still many other factors that are balanced during the screening process.
The process of adoption can seem a bit mysterious to the outsider, and so it is not uncommon for couples to be surprised about the rigorous nature of the adoption screening. There are few tips meant to save you a lot of surprise, work, and stress that could be felt before you even begin the process:
1. Think about any changes you might have to make to your living space.
This includes preparing the child’s room, accommodating the right family transportation, and any other home necessity. This will show the home study agency that you are serious about adopting and have thought about how a child will affect your day-to-day life. Much of the adoption screening process for adoptive couples revolves around testing the extent to which the couple has really given in-depth thought to adopting, and preparing your home is a fairly easy and yet very important way to demonstrate this.
2. Make sure you are financially prepared.
It is usually apparent to couples that they have to be financially stable in order to have a child, adopted or not. However, many people don’t realize just how significant those costs can be. Adopting a child can cost around $40,000, and a child will only keep tugging at your wallet once he or she is adopted due to every day childbearing expenses. These facts are a reality that couples should still be aware of as they discuss adoption possibilities.
3. Be prepared to have open and honest conversations about your relationship.
This is crucial during two stages: first, when discussing adoption prior to entering the screening process, and secondly, during the interviews that consist the screening process.
During the first stage, the two of you must absolutely be on the same page, 100%. It is of course understandable for one or both people to have some fears and apprehensions about the process, but it is also essential to voice those fears and not just push them aside. Being mentally and physically together in the adoption decision is vital.
One thing you must definitely know is that having a baby will not solve any marital issues you may have. This sounds harsh, but is in fact a predominating myth around couples, regardless of their situation.
Even if you don’t believe this, it is vital that you do not proceed with adoption until you and your partner are in the same emotional place regarding adoption.
The second component of these conversations will happen during the process itself. Couples will be interviewed about their relationship and dynamics, typically together and separately. This is part of why it is so important to be on the same page. Sometimes adoption professionals will even give you “tests” in order to stimulate conversation about your relationship and determine how the two of you relate to one another.
You want the strength of your relationship to hold up under these kinds of evaluations. Therefore, work out all of your problems before you begin the adoption process, which will ensure both of you maintain a positive outlook through the intense process.
4. Don’t forget the needs and wants of the birth parents.
While many couples tend to fixate on the child they are going to receive, the relationship that you are going to have with the birth parents is usually not as big of a consideration.
Before you go into the process, the two of you should decide whether you want an open adoption. In an open adoption, one or both of the birth parents has contact with you and possibly the child. This contact can range from some messages once or twice a year to an active involvement in the child’s life. This is one of the bigger decisions you will have to make when you go to adopt, and the decision sometimes evolves around the circumstances of the child’s adoption. It is best to have that discussion as early as possible.
It is very important to keep the feelings of the birth parents in mind as you proceed. You might be very different people, and it might take some time to establish familiarity and comfort with them, but make sure to keep an open mind, pass no judgments, and remember that they are giving you the greatest gift you will ever receive.
Remember, too, that they are not trying to undermine your relationship with your child by wanting an open adoption. They simply want to be somehow involved in their child’s life. Have the same kind of open and honest conversations with them as you have had among yourselves.
5. Remember that both of your lives will be under a great deal of scrutiny.
The adoption professional will want to know everything about the two of you. And that really means everything. Every document pertaining to your birth and marriage (where applicable), your employment records, evidence of community involvement, income information, extended family trees, education records, information about your parent, and, of course, criminal history records… every documentable aspect of your life will be requested of you during this process.
The amount of vulnerability can sometimes feel overwhelming.
You will be able to go through this process much more effectively if you have taken the listed precautions, and if you are able to enter the process with an open mind and a strong, healthy relationship. Constantly support each other, and you may even find that your relationship has grown by remaining loving and compassionate through this extensive process.
Who Can Adopt ? Adoption Trends Today
Many people think pregnant, unmarried teenagers compose the majority of biological mothers placing their babies for adoption. The reality today is that the typical profile is more commonly a pregnant 20-something who is already parenting at least one other child. The most likely adoption scenario today does not involve someone voluntarily terminating parental rights to an infant; rather, it is the adoption of an older child from foster care, whose parents’ rights have been involuntarily terminated.
There are also changes today in who adopts. At one time, only young, infertile, married couples were allowed to adopt; today, adoptive parents are an extremely varied group, including people who are beyond childbearing age, divorced, unmarried, gay, lesbian, and fertile. There have been many other major changes in the adoption landscape over the last few decades as well.
There has been a shift in the kinds of children needing adoptive families, where those children come from, who their original parents are, the kinds of families that adopt them, and the evidence-based principles now considered best practice for adoption policy and practice. Many misconceptions about adoption persist among the general public and among social workers, because most professionals in the field have not had sufficient, if any, adoption education.
The Internet and social media have created some positive changes in adoption. First parents, adopted people, and adoptive parents have easier access, via technology, to support from others who share their situations. Access to pre- and post adoption information is also available at one’s fingertips; however, not all of that information is legitimate, and it can be hard to discern quality. Other challenges have also come with digital communication.
A Peek at the Future
Complex, diverse, extended family networks of adoptive and biological kin are here to stay. Fortunately, most adopted people, including those born with challenges or who have endured trauma, function well, and the vast majority of adoptive parents are satisfied with their adoptions.
It is also true, however, that accessible, affordable, high quality services for both original and adoptive families are needed, so every child can be raised in a safe, nurturing, permanent home in which all family members thrive. Ideally, all children would be able to grow up well cared for in their families of origin so adoption would not be needed. When adoption is necessary, lifelong access to high quality pre- and post adoption support services should be provided. Pursuing this vision is a crucial agenda for social work.
Adoption is not just the last recourse of couples affected by infertility. Families are increasingly choosing to adopt a child, irrespective of their need or ability to reproduce one. Many single parents also opt for adoption. The law does not differentiate between rural, urban, rich, poor, single, married or divorced status of the parent. It does not discriminate on the basis of religion or social status either. You don’t have to prove if you’re infertile, and you don’t have to give a reason as to why you want to adopt. Just be confident and rest assured that millions have tread this path, and that there is a support system available, should you need help.
Life is a journey. Each one of us is blessed uniquely. An offspring born biologically is a boon to a married couple, but to those who cannot have it done biologically or artificially can have it the Adoption way. Adoption may be the opportunity to rediscover ourselves, our hidden potentials and our ability to love and connect with another soul. However motherhood comes to you, it’s a miracle. Little souls find their way to you, whether they are from your womb or someone else’s. You don’t rescue them. But with them , you get rescued too.
Afterall , every child deserves a home and family. Period !!
About the Author
A Banker by profession, a Blogger and a content writer by passion, Sonali is a Gold medalist in Management as a post-graduate and an economics graduate. A painter and nature lover, she's passionate for art and photography. She finds peace and calmness in words inscribed on paper. She has written blogs, articles, newsletters, quotes, poetries ,stories, technical and financial content as a professional. Of all the things in the world, she likes to fall for a pen and paper each time because Writing is her favorite escape. She's a self motivated and a self driven person and loves to inspire and motivate people. She believes in 'doing what you love and loving what you do'.