Adjusting in a Married Life

They say ” marriage is two imperfect people who simply refuse to give up on each other”. Yes, marriage is a journey not a destination. To be married is one of the best feelings in this world,, but the journey doesn’t end here. The real test of life begins soon after marriage. Adjusting after marriage could be an overwhelming time for a lot of newly married couples. Also it ought to be an extremely difficult time of life when you jump from the bridge of freedom into the rivers of dependency.

But you and your spouse can use this time to build a strong foundation for your marriage. A strong foundation will help you adjust to married life, and transition into life as a married couple and set you up for a happier and healthier marriage.

Essential marriage tips for adjusting in a newly Marriage:

Below could be some of  the tips for adjusting to married life.

1. Money

What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine after we tie the knot right? Well, that’s how it should be anyways, especially with money!

This can be a BIG adjustment for many couples. While for many, ongoing frequent communication is the key.

You each have a say in your money. It’s both of your money even if there’s only one income.

2. Communication

We all communicate differently. We know this, we hear about it all the time, right?

Being married and experiencing this is entirely different. So many of our arguments that first year of marriage was due to us misunderstanding each other.

Even if you use the same word, the definition of that word may be different to your spouse.

3. Selfishness to selflessness

You never realized how selfish you are  until you get married.

You have to go from thinking about just yourself, what you want to eat for dinner and how you want to live your life, to what do we want for dinner, how do we want to live our life as well as what I want to do.

Putting each other’s needs before your wants while keeping the balance so you are not a rug to be stepped on, or taken advantage of can be difficult for many to master. This is a big part of not only surviving the first year of marriage but also having a happy and healthy marriage.

If you both put each other’s needs first, it will be a win-win 🙂

4. Unity

You are on the same team. You’re both winners or both losers.

Always remember, to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and believe they have your best interest in mind.

5. Learning how to “fight fair”

In the first years of marriage, there are a lot of adjusting to do in learning how to disagree in a healthy way because you both come from different families who had different ways of doing things.

Learning how to disagree respectfully as mature adults can be a learning curve for many. It is for all of us!

6. Honesty

Be honest about your marriage expectations, discuss, and compromise with each other.

There is no place for little white lies in a marriage.

7. Boundaries with in-laws, family, and friends

Sett boundaries of what’s acceptable to share about your relationship with your friends, in-laws, and family members.

When they can visit, and how much time you spend with them is crucial.

No one loves your spouse like you do! If your spouse does something and it pisses you off, don’t vent to your family members who won’t be able to forget and forgive as easily as you.

Setting these boundaries in the first year of marriage helps in building a strong foundation for your marriage. In addition, setting boundaries in your marriage is equally important to maintaining your individuality and avoiding manipulation.

8. Love

You have to communicate to each other what you need to feel romanced and loved, your spouse can’t read your mind.

Compliment each other. Continually pursue your spouse. Make time to connect every single day.

Don’t forget to really talk about things you enjoy, do things together and enjoy each other’s company.

Marriage is spending your days and growing together with your best friend, lover, and partner in life; so enjoy them!

9. Personalities

You are two unique individuals with two unique backgrounds, therefore adjusting to marriage will require some effort from both of you.

You will have to learn to compromise with each other to ensure the success of your marriage.

10. Meals

Making dinner, lunch or breakfast  could be an adjustment for you. Because you and your spouse are from two different families you will have some adjusting to do.

You need to find things you like from each other’s meals, trying to mesh them together, and experiment with new recipes until you come up with meals you both enjoy.

11. Life challenges and the unexpected events

You’ll have a lot thrown at both of you in your first year of marriage. It really puts your commitment to the test.

We need to stick together and cling to each other when the storms comes.

Being there to lean on, and leaning on your spouse when you need to, that’s one of the best things about marriage.

You have a best friend whom you can rely on.

They are strong where you are weak, and you’re strong where they are weak. Be available for your spouse.

12. Time

Spend time together sharing your experiences about adjusting to each other as a married couple. Remember quality over quantity. Your marriage needs to be nurtured so it can grow.

Time with your spouse should be a priority, so schedule time to talk and connect. Share your dreams and what you are learning every day with each other.

13. Patience

Marriage adjustments take time, so be patient with each other.

Remember the golden rule here and treat your spouse the way you want them to treat you.

14. Words

After you said “I do,” you are now a wife, a husband, or partner. Lift up your spouse with words of respect and love.

The adjustments you go through are because:

? You are a newly married couple.

? You are two unique individuals with different personalities.

? You have your own way of doing things.

? You have different family upbringing, beliefs, and traditions.

Adjusting to marriage is a learning and growing experience.

Even if you have lived together before getting married, there will always be some adjustments after you get married. Certain things that didn’t bother you, in the beginning, will start to wear on you.

And even worse, some people don’t think they have to go through it. But to excel at anything in life and marriage, you must be open to change!

Within the first year of adjusting to married life, you could easily become overwhelmed and confused about everything going on between you and your spouse.

It feels as if the marriage expectations you had prior to your marriage is completely opposite to what you are experiencing.

These expectations of marriage you have can make adjusting to married life very difficult for you.

Sometimes you might even wonder or doubt if you married the right person. Be calm.We need to both respect each other’s boundaries to build a strong foundation for the wonderful marriage we enjoy today.

As humans, we all have our own way of doing things.

Before getting married, you are used to having your own space, your own car, your own money, making decisions on your own, etc.

He folds his clothes one way, she does a different way.

He organizes one way, she does another, or maybe one of you doesn’t organize at all!

Once you get married, you add another person  to the mix.

Finding a way to mesh your differences together and compromising is where the learning curve begins.

You both become ONE.

» Your bedroom becomes our bedroom.

» Your closet, our closet.

» Your bathroom, our bathroom.

» Your money, our money.

» Your decisions, our decisions.

Therefore, you and your spouse will have to learn how to synergize your differences to enjoy married life together.

Marriages wouldn’t ever go wrong if two people realize they are always on the same boat on the same side. I’d like to put up One of the best lines I have read in recent times. It goes like ” No relationship is always a 50-50. Some days it can be a 80-20 and a 20-80. You need to stay calm. You need to survive. The storm shall pass. The rainbow shall appear back again. Don’t let go easily. Love is in being together at any cost.”

Adjusting to married life is a challenge; enjoy, learn, and grow from it !

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