Why are relationships so difficult to maintain?
More so when the relationships are still at the budding stage, blossoming. Rocketing hopes everyday, building expectations, desiring attention and yourself giving utmost attention at the start.
The feelgood factor takes over you, overwhelming you in the ways you can’t imagine. Life is all sun, flowers, bunny, kittens, merriment of all sorts
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Life feels like a merry celebration despite & inspite of the existence of the same problems that were there before.
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It all feels so different NOW, baby! Thats you being cupid struck!
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You miss them, you want them, desire them
All of a sudden, did we hear you say – very complicated it is, all twisted?
EXCUSE ME? Complicated?
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How come suddenly you succumb to the resignation to complexity?
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Thats the scent of ‘change’
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The change in the heart is easily spotted & it baffles you completely and you drive yourself insane thinking the nonstop series of – HOW & WHY?
Right???? Are you able to relate to any of this? Would love for you to express what you think & feel. Would love to hear your thoughts, experiences
Anyway, I wanna park all of that heavy stuff for now
I like to think like this someone who just has a way to make things sound so simple, practical, logical & straight forward its incredible.
So he caught me in this funny whining-whinging-cry baby mode.
Lol 🙂 I was hurting, sobbing, super raw & in tears
He said- ESCAPE! Lol!
Wouldn’t have thought the word has many positive connotations but I realise the message, context behind it- DONT INVOLVE
Anyway
Okay so I loveeeeeee my coffee
So much so, CANT do without it, I live on it & nothing under the sun can change my liking for my coffee. Mannn weren’t I simply addicted to it?
Happy coffee, sad coffee, excited coffee…celebrations! coffee, rejection! Coffee, pretty much anything, any occasion it was just into my system.
Me and my coffee lol!
Often Ive been politely offered tea accompanied with a sunny warm smile, and Iam mostly like- some coffee instead would be great thankyou!
But hey what in life is untouched by the ‘winds of change?’ Nothing! Nothing at all.
There came a point, believe me or not I just couldn’t stand coffee any longer. I developed a deep-intense aversion for it.
If you ask me why perhaps it was my pregnancy that turned me off to coffee.
The truth remains though I started preferring Tea, my hard boiled very Indie cuppa!
Oh I swear how I love it still
Why didn’t I like coffee anymore? I just wasn’t IN IT any more!
Doesn’t it work similarly? when we are NOT INTO someone anymore
The point Iam trying to make here is, not being into someone any longer works similarly,wouldn’t you agree?
YES! You loved them more than your life, you were addicted to them, you couldn’t function without them no more.
Something triggered the ‘change’
Simple as that!
Believe me it isn’t just as simple as it looks , there are two hearts involved
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Relationships are often a journey, you explore each other at many levels. It is exploring the other person, the two of you together.
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It is nurtured, it matures over time. Sadly if things fizzle before that its sad but a possibility due to the fragility of emotions.
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Great sparkly-merry-optimistic-promising start doesn’t necessarily mean it is bound to continue with such bounce and lustre.
Your hopes get thwarted, dreams shatter coz the unexpected happens and you witness things are NOT as they seemed.
One of the two is natural to experience a sudden realisation of ‘Nahh not happening’ and experience a complete change of heart. Poof bam-bam!
What is the other involved doing? Torturing themselves going
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Why did I deserve this?
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Did I invite this?
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Was it something I have said & done?
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Was I expecting far too much?
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Do they not love me anymore?
Change hurts! They are CHANGED! You find it so hard to adjust to the new development. You are confused, stumped!
Something, somewhere had them have a short circuit! It triggered such deeply felt negative thoughts, emotions got them nervous anxious about things.
Restlessness, uneasiness somehow starts getting attached-associated to you whether you like it or not. For all you know it had to do with their past experience, an unpleasant something- could be your response, your expectation, body language, words. Anything at all!
Red alert, can’t be afforded to take a pass on
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A single sign, symptom of such trigger alone should encourage you to back off. Okay lets say- slow down a little at least.
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It is not necessary the one you may be involved with might even realise the trigger occured. Why? Simply coz it is very irrational- instinctive-emotional response.
Dire need to have a reality check before you take a right plunge.
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Don’t they say slow & steady wins the race! You wanna let things mature. Pace it right down
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Every now and again stand aside watch yourself as a third person & much will fall in the line of comprehension
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Something about you as petty as your harmless reaction. It could be anything starting right from your emotional responses, lifestyle, joke. Something you did they misread, misconstrued, rubbed them the wrong way sadly
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Strange, at times all you might do & mean with all honesty goes all wrong & there you are poofffff! Deflated
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You might torture yourself thinking you only meant well. So you might but things happen. You were just being you, right? Was enough to put them off sadly
Dont panic, you didnt do anything wrong. Its important that you be yourself.
If the change has somehow got your desperate panic button on
What do I do?
How can I mend things?
I wanna make it upto them
I am feel so incomplete without them
Important question to introspect here is
Is it really all worth compromising your feelings & your values to please that someone JUST to prove you are a perfect partner??
REALLY?
You need a thorough probe into the depths of you to see & evaluate what exactly is going on. This is not to mention that are no problems at all in you. Well there is always a room for improvement, chance of a positive healthy change.
Word of caution
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Anyone who may be in the early stages of still blooming relationship these emotions & experiences WONT be alien, you will have known these already. They don’t feel great, I agree.
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What is important though is that you pick on the hunches, hints, feelings, signs.
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Far too much rejection, inconsistency, no reciprocated. STOP! watch, witness, evaluate, distance yourself emotionally till you reach at better understanding of things.
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Never meaning, whats impaired-crippled-vandalised cant be mended. It might well be just a hickup. Either ways, all Iam saying is – it will show, just wait dont haste-go too fast just as yet. Feeling rejected-unloved-unwanted is the worst thing ever. You DONT have to do this honestly. You deserve happiness. Dont waste yourself & your time worying on the ‘why’ on someone who is NOT INTO you, has grown out of you, not much interested. Its OKAY. Dont have to settle for anything less than you deserve. You deserve all the love, luck & happiness. Someone who is as happy, excited eager to have you as much as you are & expresses just as much. Its time to heed to what your instincts are showing you, let yourself flow with the ‘winds of change’