Marriage in the Indian society is known for its sheer amount of celebration, the union of two families, the variety of rituals and customs unique to every state and religion.
But, behind the “fat Indian wedding” are some harsh realities which are comfortably ignored. In the face of the happiness the couple who are going to get married and for whom this is all done.
Often, the word, “marriage” strikes like a loud bell which everyone in the society wants to ring according to their convenience.
A boy or a girl, no matter their age , aspirations, mistakes, past relationships, apprehensions , divorces can never seem to escape the fact that “Everyone” wants them to “settle down” as soon as possible ,since it is ABSOLUTELY necessary that they have that “Married” tag attached to their freedom of thought, dreams and fb status!
There is something wrong with Indian parents who feel or are made to feel that their daughters need to get married before they reach 25, and their sons before 30(or have secured a good job).
Let us now list all the things wrong with the mentality of us Indians regarding the most trending word since centuries, “MARRIAGE”.
1) Marriage –the ultimate solution?
Everyone would gladly accept that they have been indirectly or directly pressurized to marry and settle down whatever their situation in life may have been.
Be it a young pass out from college, a couple dating each other, a career oriented person or even a divorcee, the advice is the same. We really need to understand that marriage is a long-term commitment which should be made without any kind of parental or social pressure, with our own free will, only once we feel we are ready to do justice to our future spouse.
2) Social evils and more…
The many social evils in our society like dowry harassment, domestic violence, adultery and death of a partner are the big VALID reasons for the break-up of a marriage. But, once a happily married couple decides to part ways due to falling out of love, emotional turmoil or some private reason , they are judged like hell for their willing decision.
How can they break up after staying together for so long?
Cant, they make it work again together?
What will happen to them once they divorce, will they be able to fall in love again?
Such things are common in marriage, it is better to not take matters to the court..,And what not,,, such is the reality of the Indian mindset about the consensual divorce of the so-called “happy couple”.
We need to understand that they are grown up ,mature adults who would not like to divorce each other but have taken this ultimate decision due to a strong reason. After all, who likes their life to turn into hell with a partner who they are not compatible with any more?
3) Marriage with the entire family?
The concept of matching ‘kundlis’ , getting to know the life-partner’s parents, social status and what not except for trying to find out more about the compatibility between the couple is one big problem. Once you marry, especially for the girl, she has to marry with the entire family in real , since it is her ”dharm” to please her husband, in-laws, their relatives no matter she likes it or not.
Is she advised by anyone to concentrate on developing her bond with her life-partner , instead of trying to become the best “bahu” of the century.
We need to know that it is quite impossible for a person to please everyone at the same time with your decisions. Many will oppose it , few will support it.
So, it is better to ensure that their marriage is nurtured with health with everyone abstaining from giving them parental, marital, financial and family planning advice!
4). The end of life?
Many a time, the madly in love couples fall out of love as the years pass. People change over time and as a marriage progresses, there are different levels of unprecedented challenges, responsibilities and unforeseen circumstances which appear out of nowhere. But, if a couple willingly decide to part ways for the better , and to move ahead in life after some unfortunate reason like divorce, adultery or violence, then it is considered as the end of their life.
We need to understand that if the alliance ended, it was just not meant to be. It is not a stigma or a judgement which cannot be revoked. There are numerous people who have become more stronger personalities, mature thinkers after such experiences. In fact, it the precursor to a new and better beginning since they will never repeat those mistakes again with a future partner.
5) Color, Race ,Caste and Social Status?
In almost every arranged or love marriage in the country, this is a definite road block. No matter how good a human being might be or or how beautiful and pure their character or heart, this is a test they have to pass along with their family to take the proposal forward.
Questions like,”Is the girl from the same caste?”
“Is the boy you are dating not well versed with our culture? How will you work it out after marriage?”
“The girl has dusky complexion, will she not have a complex if she marries a fair boy?”
Such shit is very common in various forms and various levels of mundaneness in Indian minds. Is it not high time we overcame these four barriers(hiccups) of marriages in India?
6) Not a lavish wedding, what will people say?
Since a child is born, there seems to be an added responsibility of saving up gold and property and investing in schemes to secure their child’s future. All this is done to ensure that their wedding preparations are done so lavishly so that they can make an impression in their social circles and relatives.
It is high time we stopped making wedding celebrations a lavish affair and let them remain a sacred and simple union of two willing souls.