So you decided to commit the mistake of trusting a married person or you were in for a surprise when you met their “spouse” at a friend’s party. No matter how painful it may be or the ignominy you face when you see the look at yourself in the mirror after such a revelation , love persists in the end.
It is quite difficult to be known as the “other woman” or the “secret lover” of that married partner of yours but face it, there is a rollercoaster ride ahead in this game.
The feeling of distrust, shame and blaming yourself for falling in love with someone’s spouse is quite difficult in itself, not speaking of the paltry share of love and time you receive in this relationship.
Those promises of your partner that he or she will break up and divorce their current partners to be with you forever seem quite annoying and scary sometimes-false promises more likely; especially if there are kids involved in their marriage.
That sense of responsibility, maturity , financial status and understanding nature seem like demons of the past.
They keep on fogging your already fumbled grey matter to give rise to feelings of depression and betrayal.
Listing the top five tips to get over someone married and give a new purpose and direction to your muddled feelings.
1) Walk out if you are taken granted
Just because you are not officially together and you were adjusting to demands while being kept in the dark about his or her marital status does not mean you should compromise.
If the focus of the relationship seems to shifting towards their side with you just tagging along, it is high time to call it quits.
If the relationship is not going forward in your favour and the tide is towards their side more often, it is better to take the reins in your hands and manoeuver it to your advantage if possible.
If it doesn’t fall in place and causes hurt to everyone , it is best to save your dignity and split up.
2) Do not disturb mode
If you were smart enough to predict the end of the relationship and felt sorry for their current spouse(which is a good sign) , it is best to go cold turkey.
Move out to a different location, stop receiving calls and messages and spend that valuable time with those who really care for your feelings-your parents, siblings and close friends to cool off.
Try to break all forms of contact with your married partner to give him or her the silent message of break up.
3) Heal and seal it in peace
If you had fallen head over heels in love with them, it will be quite difficult to forget and move forward at some point.
If ditched,the one ditched , then it will make you hate the word “love”.
If you were smart enough to predict the outcome and call it quits, congratulate yourself for it and move on to heal your wounds in peace. You will feel more worthy ,dignified and a boosted amour-propre.
The relationship is history now and you need to get over with some professional help by contacting support groups and counsellors if you need support .
4) Feelings Diary Time
Trying to concentrate and move on with your daily life and work schedules will not be easy with an emotional disarray of the mind and heart.
Take out time for yourself and try to maintain a diary to jot down your feelings and moments you enjoyed or hated in that relationship. You will most probably have more negative feelings in the pipeline owing to you being their second priority , and hence the reason for the breakup .
Coming to terms with the totality and your value in the equation will definitely boost your hurt ego and decision-making abilities when it comes to relationships.
5) Don’t get involved till you are ready
It may be very tempting to get involved with someone just to make your ex feel jealous or just to let go of your emotional baggage . Never date anyone just for the sake of emotional replacement or filling in the gap till your married ex becomes free of his or her responsibilities towards his divorced partner/kids…
Take the time to heal and invest your energy in some social work or even better head out to a long solo vacation.
Matters of the heart take up quite some time to heal. But they can be healed in the end…