If you are mistaken that mid-life crisis is just cliché or trite then think twice. It is often the butt of many jokes whenever relationships are on the rocks or when nothing seems to be going right between a couple no matter how hard they try.
If your spouse is showing a completely different side of his or her personality or is causing you immense pain through their weird behavior then it is time to get a reality check.
Midlife crisis does exist and it comes with its fair share of tantrums, symptoms and consequences.
Check out a few of them to get well versed with their signs and not brush off the behavior as just another regular fight.
• Expressing dissatisfaction with life and the lifestyle that may have provided them with joy for many years.
• Boredom with people and situations that may have been of interest to them before.
• Feeling a need for adventure and transformation.
• Challenging the decisions, they have carried out in their lives and the validity of judgments they made years before.
• Difficulty about their personality and what they are heading towards
• Outrage at their spouse and criticism for feeling fixed down.
• Unable to make decisions about where they want to go with their life.
• Suspicion that they ever cherished their spouse and bitterness over the marriage.
• A passion for a new and romantic, intimate relationship.
So, basically for your partner, it is all about them at the moment since they are in crisis mode and need time to take control of their life. On the other hand, it is the right to concentrate on yourself and your kids to help stay focused and not get deviated by your spouse’s unusual behaviour.
Anything you say is going to fall on deaf ears and you should take this as an opportunity to strengthening your bond with the kids so that they also get to know about this phase of their parent’s life. It promotes more understanding, maturity and affection towards their parent rather than making them wary or uncomfortable of having them around at home.
With so many limitations and with your marriage at stake , it is a common trend by married couples to stick together with their disturbed partners to prevent their married life form going out of control.
When you are dealing with mid-life crisis, there is only so little you can do help your partner at times but remember to stay focused and put in your full effort for making the sharp edges blunt for your family’s sake. Do get ready to expect a lot of bumps in the way but they will all become milestones one day once you learn how to deal with your spouse.
1)The long wait for normality
It is no fun when you have to deal with aggressive or totally transformed partners when it comes to mid-life crisis. You will be waiting endlessly for your spouse to return to his or her normal version and this wait will seem to go one forever. It is important to not lose your cool and feel the burning desire to hit back with some harsh words.
The fact that they are pulling you back and disturbing your life and peace of mind in the process is quite unnerving.
Some ways to deal with this smartly is to not allow the pressure to get to you by diverting your mind.
• Focus on your kids by planning fun activities
• Plan play dates for little ones and physical activity classes for the older ones like gymnastics, swimming, kickboxing etc
• Try to focus on improving your career choices and revisit your career dreams.
• Try socializing with close friends to distract yourself from your problems.
2) Become a good listener
The urge to hit back and share your point of view or your spouse’s negative behavior will be very easy but-avoid it. It is your job to sometimes bend over and hear them out , even if they are blaming you for their problems. Remember, this is a passing phase and this kind act of yours will stay in their memory forever , making them realize how maturely you handled that crisis stage even when you were not wrong.
1. Listen to your spouse
2. Validate their problem or argument
3. Acknowledge what is said
4. Tell your spouse you are sorry he or she feels that way.
5. Apologize for things that warrant an apology or else remain quiet
3) No Authority, Major Issues
If an extramarital affair or an extreme financial crisis is the problem which has triggered the crisis, then it is better to be subservient. When your marriage is on the rocks or you have reached the crossroads of life where they want to part ways with you for that extreme reason, you have no control over them whatsoever .But, what you can do to make it better for yourself is make a smart and mature decision to not react much and let it pass. If they see that you are quite cool about their behaviour, they might feel guilty or even ashamed of their infidelity or aggression.
So, stay calm and let it pass!
4) Approach Differently
Making demands, asking questions, constantly interrogating your spouse is a sure-fire way of causing further issues with your spouse. It is better to try a new tactic for speaking to them about their needs, frustrations and expectations to paint a better picture of your life together. Whenever you feel the need to release some tension or vent your frustration on your already frustrated partner-go for a walk, go eat an ice cream , meet a friend at a restaurant or take your kids to the park !
This will definitely change the mood and decrease the negativity by diffusing the situation .
5) Restoring the Marriage
You did the best you could to help your spouse through this never ending emotional rollercoaster. You bent, backed off, remained silent and sometimes let your frustration and anger get the better of you. But, this is the best you could do for them and it is their turn to navigate and swim back to the shore. It is their responsibility to take the decision of their life regarding their role towards your marriage. You did your best and stayed silent all the while. If they are willing to come back to you , well and good but if they are not, then it is their loss , not yours!
Do not lose your sanity and emotion be taken for a ride and strive to work on yourself and your kids since they require your support the most…