How to cope with life after break-ups, separations

Not something that we have on our ‘To Do’ list

Breakups, Divorces, Definitely NOT something we had it on our part of the plans?

Do we? We sure don’t. It just comes unguarded leaving you feeling all puzzled. As though you got ripped of all you ever had in the name of happiness.

Something that you never imagined when you where all heartedly expressing how much-how deeply you love them and got a passionate reciprocation blazing with the fire of desire of wanting that someone forever. You might have even exchanged the vows that pronounced you husband & wife.

 

Separation stung? Not the only one

Well either ways, heartaches feel just the same be it the outcome of a sheer breakup or you separate after years of being together. Haven’t we all been there, done that at some point or the other?

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  • Feels fallen apart?

  • Sore, it hurts endlessly, feel inconsolable

  • Feels -someone got into your chest, ripped it apart and just left you to bleed

  • You are left with the turbulent emotions ever raging

 

Dunno how to handle the shades of blue

You feel robbed of your peace. You do not know what to do, how to handle the heartbreak. You try to run away, get yourself busy but nothing is to any avail. It’s an endless fight with your own self.

  • You know exactly what you should be doing but CAN’T

  • You try so hard to calm your nerves but it backfires, only gets worse

  • Spend nights staring the ceiling wondering – Why me?

  • You are caught up in this never ending trails of- How did things go wrong?

  • Series of conspicuous lies, deceptions, distrust makes you loathe life

  • You feel absolutely broken and shattered.Feel like you can’t be asked

  • Extreme cases even suffer the bouts of anxiety, shortness of breath, trembling

 

Negativity becomes your habit. Not happening!

Some negative thoughts you just won’t give up. You wanna ask yourself WHY

You clutch tight onto the most heartfelt thoughts of hurt, resentment towards someone coz they have hurt you in a way you CANT feel whole again

You hold on tight to your fears & anger that contribute most-est to your helplessness & vulnerability.

You feel absolutely justified in holding on to such energies. You think- Of course they hurt me!

 

NEWS- Did you realise the ONLY person you are really harming by holding on tight to this bitterness is YOU. Yes you! Whoever has hurt is GONE. It was NOT meant to be.

 

Why did it have to happen? 

  • Well simply put- it wasn’t meant to be. Wasn’t the part of God’s plan.

  • This had to fall away for your growth

  • Some roads are trodden for the sake of the path of the journey. They were your journey NOT destination.

  • Also, it had to happen coz you were meant to come out stronger

  • Breakup happening, both going separate ways speaks for itself- It wasn’t love

  • Your happiness should NOT be dependant on anyone or anything

  • You needed to learn to love yourself

 

You are letting them control you. Not happening!

  • It is all keeping you from living and leading the life full of bounty & love

  • They should NOT have the power to control you & how you lead your life

 

Tornado of betrayal & failure fills you up

Meltdown of couple relation is unguarded, you feel deceived & hopelessly failed

  • Unfortunately this is NOT something one is ever prepared to face. It just comes unguarded.

  • Such heart wrenchingly surreal concoction of experiences after which  things looked so merry.

  • All the dreams, expectations, hopes come down shattering & suddenly loose meaning & relevance.

  • Someone who felt like & behaved your heart & soul SUDDENLY acts even worse than an unpleasant, stranger.

 

….And then comes ‘The breakup,’ your TRUE breakthrough you seeked

  • Moment of truth & deep introspection- Sliding things under the carpet, quick fixes- Its okay lets talk, this shouldn’t repeat- are nothing but a wrap to some very serious issues, much deeper problems.

  • The grieving process will deconstruct your heart open push you through to face the deep sown, covered problems you always avoided to face.

  • Time to bring focal back on to yourself & GET REAL.

 

Lengthy periods of heart break, deception, sense of failure & hopelessness brings you in connection with your deepest insights.

  • Makes you realise you are your own confidante.

  • ONLY long term relationship that you CAN possibly have is with your ownself- HOW?

  • Do deceptions, no lies, no fake promises, no distrust

What is best for me now?

What is the most important thing in my life?

Why should I be most important to myself?

What is my true identity, what am I like outside this relationship?

What are my true potentials?
The things I have missed in my life I would like to do mostest.

Why is it necessary for me to get over them?

Why am I letting them control my happiness?

How can someone define my identity, I should be WHOLE by myself

 

Answering some of these will make you come crashing down as you meet reality head on & you realise you were NEVER your own- Which is the need of the hour.

  • Were you happy careerwise? Gained your full potential?

  • Have you been giving yourself room to do the things that define your passion?

  • Haven’t you just been chasing a beautiful shadow? They were just there, never meaning any of their existence.

Far too much focus on your so called other kept you in denial about the relationship

  • Were they dishonest? How about you? Did you not know the cracks coming through & you chose to ignore?

  • Self love, self respect are the true necessities  that actually will make you happy

  • How can it ever be possible to enjoy intimacy with someone if you are neglecting the needs of your heart.

  • Do you love yourself enough to be honest to yourself?

 

So what should you do?

  • Be completely honest with yourself to begin with. Believe it’s just a phase & here to pass.

  • You have the power and capacity in you to change the direction of tide & make your own seasons happen.

  • Withdraw from the mundane life & have some deep introspection- Spend time reflecting on things.

  • Its OKAY to hurt, give yourself the chance to grieve. Witness the raw emotions, let your heart bleed.

  • Process your thoughts as you hurt,heave with period of sadness while you adjust to the REALITY that stands

  • Look after yourself, nourish your heart, your body & soul with positivity & faith

  • Love yourself enough that you are able to give people abundantly, there is no bigger joy than loving selflessly

 

Accept, embrace the change- reality

It is time for you to move on in life & never look back again. No I do NOT mean you delete the pics, throw away things that belong to them. THAT is exactly what you dont wanna do. You wanna accept the reality,they are NOT here & that is for a reason and it is OKAY. You surely don’t wanna run away. NO there is no way that runner is gonna help you. It wont & it can’t. Detach. Accept they are gone, NOT a part of you.

 

Things you really wanna realise & tell yourself

  • I am worth love and care

  • There ARE people who love me strong & are there for me

  • Iam hurting coz Iam hurt but I will get over this

  • Just a phase, won’t last forever

  • I CAN take charge of myself, this was necessary to happen

  • I love myself & so I should

  • Iam important- I will look after myself

 

Trust me you, I wouldn’t say thing till I felt so. All this comes from experience. Life is far to small for you to waste. We should live in the moment. Stay happy, stay positive. Who knows what tomorrow is gonna bring. Strat living  today., NOW. Past is done and dusted & tomorrow isn’t here yet 🙂 Let your destination, make it all worth.

Lastly, make it all count

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Tanvi Kumar

About the Author

Tanvi Kumar

Hi My name is Tanvi, I am a freelance journalist and a writer. Love to express and connect to people. My writings are essentially a part of me. Mainly done writing, involving different styles, from educational to spirituality and travel to various facets of lifestyle.Always been inclined to art. Explored and experimented with all sorts of art. Be it painting on a canvas, creating a wonderland with edibles that tickles your palate, chiseling an attractive world of ideas that can be conceptualized into something working or simply sculpting a world with words with a tang of personal touch. Coming to think of it, anything starting right from crafting, cooking, ideating. Love them all.Besides that, I have a great interest in tarot and spirituality and I feel both of them go hand in hand. Iam an impulsive Tarot Reader, Rider Waite and plain playing cards being among my favourites. Like to think it’s a Devine tool guidance. Omnipotent has means and ways to reach us and is above everything and everyone. Right from the beginning I always found myself penning down my most heartfelt experiences which would always lend such great sense of fulfillment, almost cathartic! Before I realized it grew as a passion and all my strongly felt emotions, experiences, spun into poems, prose and articles. Never hesitated to pen down any promptings that I felt coming from within.This is who I am, this is what I do, I write. Just a few words about who Iam. Iam a mum of a two year old. And oh! No it’s not easy being a mum! Is it? But it’s surely worth all the hard work. And that’s how my freelance career kicked off. Ever since I had my little man, I found it rather tough to juggle between work and looking after the non-stop demands of a little wailing baby. I had turned almost a zombie when I reluctantly decided to freelance. Coz I loved my job at Morrisons. my career didn’t quite start as a writer, though always writing, never disconnecting from the writer inside me, I continued looming up a world of words that found its expression in varied forms. Like any other 20 year old I was enamored by the thought of being independent and the quickest way to do it was a BPO! Well who doesn’t like making money? To be fair, it wasn’t all that bad actually. I realized I loved to connect to people, loved to have a nice laugh with them, strike a rapport, try to help them with all my capacity. Soon, I had a calling from within surely that’s not what I wanted to do, I wanted to write, to express, to reach to people. Which is when Times Group happened; I was a part of online division. Always having a bent towards doing something creative. Times threw me an opportunity to do just that. The job required to me ideate, conceptualize, write for different events. What I enjoyed most was the radio bit, I have sung jingles, broadcasted the forecast subjects Tarot and Astrology. It was all so creative and fun at the same time. Getting married, straight after which I had to leave the job as we moved to the UK, where I started working as a freelance journalist, writer, content developer, alongside working at Morrisons at customer service. Been a part of Aceville Publications, Edge Allen, Morrisons in house magazine. All of us have dreams and aspirations in life. And so do I To be successful, to make a difference. That’s what I would like to do, that’s what I aspire to be.

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