How to decode his behaviour patterns
You have cried your heart out and nothing has changed. You wanna talk but worry it could all be misunderstood(ONCE AGAIN??)
Sleepless, uneasy, restless, a bundle of nerves…You know not just how to cope coz all your attention is focussed on him.
His words bore deep cut through your chest, your heart & soul and you wonder-
Is THIS it? Is this all it was
How on earth can he be so cold? After all that’s happened?
How dare he not miss you like you do
Was he even ever honest about how he felt for you
Did you ever mean an iota to him, leave alone all the the honey dewed claims?
You are THIS FAR….and suddenly realise nowhere
You hear him say- What did I do? I never did anything?
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus? Truth or jazz?
Oh well! Not very pleasant, is it? It never is. But there you go, haven’t we read and heard all along all the jazz about the Mars & Venus logic. Does that make sense? It does, doesn’t it? Lets face it both have different ways of handling problems, navigating out of our emotional stresses.
Don’t we women like to get it all out of our chest, cry it all out, hash it all off our system keeping not even an ounce of it inside? They are all EMOTIONS. Overflowing emotions.
Men just in general like to somehow get over it simply- go blind, deaf, dumb! No jokes truth it is. How? Well as unpleasant it might have been the whole experience for them. They are all LOGIC. (mind you never mistake that for absence of emotions, they just deal with things differently)
We all do have our moments, don’t we?
Don’t we all have moments of feeling completely off. We all do, all the time, every now and again.
Moments when you might feel a bit shut down- Don’t wanna deal with things anymore, had enough. Dont wanna eat, dont wanna go out, dont wanna nothing PERIOD.
What Should you do?
Well as simple as it might seem, just plain understand.
It is only human to feel so and that is okay! Should you let this affect your connection with the other is totally upto you though.
Try to put yourself in their shoes and try to see where they are coming from. They had a trigger which was needless to say, unpleasant.
You are perhaps an emotional mess crying your head off wondering WHY & HOW did it all change. What was it you did to contribute to the situation.
Before you jump to any conclusions, make any judgements, hold on-stop!
Accept and embrace the fact that you are both not the same & hence have different dealings with situations & solutions.
Your’s might be just a hug to mellow you down, flush your anger-hurts away while his might be wanting to simply forget things & be normal(reliving the uncomfortable, unpleasant is NOT the wisest thing to do anyway) & somehow you cannot digest the idea of things ‘normal’ simply coz they are NOT.
Both men & women have defined behaviour patterns
While you can talk and talk and lash out all your hurt and anger, he finds it hard to communicate.
He seems so shut down & close off. He seems to be in the mode of – Iam RIGHT! You have decided Iam wrong, so be it.
If anything, his responses seem so eluding, side stepping, evasive, cryptic(misleading did you think? Hmmm could be)
Why? He is possibly all dishonest. Yes you heard me, he DOESN’T want to discuss what you want you, he is avoiding talking about it.
Give him time & space to prove you wrong unless unfortunately what you may be thinking is correct.
He is distant, cold & seems to be cutting away from you
No calls, no texts, long gaps of absence, more explanations as to why couldn’t. You give it benefit of doubt more than very many times and then you just break down. You think whats going on.
Well, He is keeping away coz he is avoiding you, keeping away from something too unpleasant that he dreads occuring
He is secretly heartbroken, affected as much as you are with the words that have stung him deeper than you could imagine.
He has retreated inward rather than talk to you why he is the way he is. He has been taught nonstop to be ‘empathetic & understanding.” His screeching silence is him trying to prove to confirming to being empathetic & understanding.
He is dull, sounds stranger than strange coz they are more than upset, angry.
Why? Well coz he could well be reflecting deeply on whats gone on and how he would like things to be otherwise and disappointed in how things have turned out. What the expectations were projected as opposed to what the reality may be.
All was gay & merry, said he loves you but hey did he just pull away callously? Uptight, is he?
Suddenly as things seem to get more intense, he tenses up and pulls away?
The more you wanna sit down and talk things out, he constantly avoids one way or the other
Distance, getting distant is the way he maintains his middleground to play safe, attain his equilibrium.
The more the relationship seems deepening, he will tend to pull off while you feel stranded. Why? Coz he is in dire need to figure a way to deal with the transition before plunging in.
Reason being, they are overwhelmed by the intense emotions & for all you know they could well be feeling intimidated – they freeze! Cant move, normal for them! When men say they are scared, they MEAN it, as we express enthusiasm in moving forward in any relationships, they fear, the dread of commitment to ‘unknown’ as opposed to us who would normally like to go with the flow…trust the emotions & the instincts.
Did they say they are scared & its driven you in tears and you are going bonkers alleging him of things unimaginable- ‘bunch of lies!’
Transition in relationship for better or worse is surely super scary for both alike.
Intimacy for men is undeniably urgent at the same time complete stark fright & a compelling aspect as opposed to women for who its just a measure to express love.
A lot of times, men will need to balance out deeper feelings to pull themselves & get a grip on them by withholding.
They are only just coming to terms with the new development and dunno what to expect from their ownselves.
Oopsie daisey! Is he ignoring you?
He seems like all you are talking, is all falling on deaf ear. This is mostly deciphered as ill mannerisms.
Simply put they find it hard to relate to your talks & try to match up on the interest quotient but somehow loses it.
He feels like he needs to make an effort to hold the conversation going.
Lost interest in you, not into you. For all you know maybe, it can well be so. Simply put, he is being a typical guy! Either ways you can’t be too quick to make judgements give things a benefit of doubt.
Indeed there are certain traits, behavioral patterns, signs and symptoms that might inkle at outright ‘abnormal’ issues and only might mean what is most dreaded- NOT into you, you cant straight away jump to fights and hold them the ‘baddie’ who cheated. Heavens know THAT is simply being a man lol! Normal part of being a normal man. Although having said that, a lengthy period of emotional distance accompanied with cold shoulder, disinterest in everything you might say or do
what you wanna give a serious thought is
Apart from this stranger than strange behaviour of his, is he a great guy otherwise? Been a great partner, boyfriend, a hubby whatever is the case. How does his behaviour weighs as against how he contributes as a ‘value’ in your life?
Goodluck ladies 🙂