I don’t know what ideal relationship is, but I know a beautiful one!
If you would have asked me a few years back about relationships and weddings, I would have probably sounded far more heartless than I actually am. Since my teen years, I never really could digest the concept of dating and the kind of relationships teenagers shared. I could only see the lust and stress that were the base of maximum relationships and how all of them ended up in pools of tears and lots of alcohol. There were definitely those old school couples who seemed too good to be true and I always thought that I am never getting into any relationship because I cannot tolerate the first of the kinds and I never thought I would be lucky enough to be the one from the old school couples. This thought stayed in my mind until I met a man, who changed my life completely, four years back.
I was in my last year of post-graduation and he was in the same institute, in the second year of post-graduation, only that our fields weren’t same. It had been a year that we were on the same campus and it’s weird that we never met until the first day of our second year. We met in the library and met each other looking for a book on the same shelf ( of course this isn’t a movie, so we were definitely looking for different books!) That meet was what you call seeing a stranger, getting a weird kind of good feeling, then going on your way and wondering what was so good and different about that stranger. I tried to look for him for nearly a week until I met him in the library again. Until that day, I had been that confident introvert who could give a long lecture to hundreds of people on my research but could not gather the courage to talk with a stranger and make him a friend. That day was different though. I knew that it was the time and so I went up to him and introduced myself. After that, we spent the whole day talking about everything happening in our lives. Soon, we were what Moon and Stars were to each other. We got along really well and both of us thought it was too good to be true. Before the end of the year, he proposed me and I was the happiest woman in that moment. From that one fine day in the library, our lives changed, we became each other’s and created a life that was what I never thought I would be able to make. We got married after nearly one year of the proposal and I couldn’t be happier than I already am.
One fine day, we were at a party and some of our friends asked us how did we manage to become that ideal couple. I was actually not expecting them to call us an ideal couple because I don’t believe that there can be a standard that couples need to reach to become worthy. I explained to them that we weren’t ideal, or for that matter, nobody can be a standard for you. I firmly kept my opinion on how being perfect for each other is what matters and that is what that leads to the happy bond that we share. I explained them the following things that I believe made my relationship stronger and more beautiful.
- We don’t look up to somebody or think that we need an idol. – The key to being happy in a relationship is to be what you really are and love the other one for what they are. One cannot have an ideal couple and expect each other to be like them when you have your own unique qualities and ways of showing love. I don’t expect him to be the perfect character of my favorite Romance novel and I don’t wish to imitate the story that has been already written. We are what we are and we love every bit of each other for that. This is the most important thing that helps to keep our bond healthy because there’s no unnecessary expectations or disappointments, instead there are only surprises and freedom to celebrate our uniqueness and our type of love.
- It had never been about big celebrations, just little things that brought us together. – If somebody asked me about big anniversary celebrations or other such celebrations, I would first clear the meaning of big. Do they mean how many people were invited to the party or how wide were our smiles? With us, it was never about showing off the world or celebrating everything to make everybody believe that we have a really great bond. In fact, we never showed the world about whatever we had. It had always been us and that too on no particular occasion. We didn’t wait for a date or occasion to celebrate our love. We always believed in doing little things for each other at any random time that brought us closer and brought us where we currently are.
- He does what he likes and I do what I love, but we are not bothered even if there’s a little sacrifice. – People often complain about the loss of their personal space and what not when they get married. I don’t really get the logic behind the complaints. Firstly, if you really love the person and call the other one your family, then why do their love and care to bother you? Secondly, it is obvious that there will be a lot of changes when you begin living together, but is it not a beautiful journey when you create your new world with everything that both of you love? We never showed too much possessiveness that could lead to suffocation in a relationship. Everything turns bad if it is too much. He does all that he likes and I do what I love, and we never bother to make little sacrifices for each other.
- The treasures of understanding and affection. – There’s no recipe for building a beautiful bond, it is just a combination of understanding, affection, and togetherness that makes it the most beautiful one. I don’t really know how to be in a relationship that can be termed as perfect, but I know that we can definitely find somebody with whom life seems beautiful. Being with somebody will sometimes not be easy, it will be difficult to deal with each other, but what keeps one going is a little bit of understanding, calmness and the affection that never fades away. One should never let a small incident break a beautiful part of our lives. Like every other difficult phase, this too shall pass and with all the love in your heart, you should make it smaller and less important.
- Make them your home. – We often try to be so perfect that we forget to be ourselves and then wonder why are we lost. That person is somebody who introduced you to the most beautiful feeling in the world and this emotion brings you home. Don’t forget this. Home isn’t about a big apartment, it is those arms that hold you in all your happy and difficult times. In a relationship, the other person should be your home. The way you are when nobody is around, be that raw self with them. If they can love your rawness, know that you are extremely lucky and your connection is too strong for this material world. You will feel beautiful in a relationship when you don’t have to bother about being lost because that will be when you would have found your home. You need to be true to yourself and to that happy place of yours to find peace and enjoy that beautiful emotion.
I expressed all of these thoughts that I had and saw how proud my husband was, proud of me, proud of Us! I don’t really know how much people understood or how good I was at making them understand, but I tried my best. This world is too much of being this and being that and I never really bothered to be anything of that. I knew I was not wrong because he believes the same. When the world thinks of getting drunk and dancing the whole night, we believe in getting high over our conversations and then dancing on the rooftop, under the stars and slowly falling asleep under the same sky. All I mean is that everybody has a different definition of perfection and I believe that one should stick to their own definition to make their life beautiful. Copying others will eventually lead to a disaster while listening to your heart and their heart will give you a new melody to move your feet on.
About the Author
Tanvi Taparia is a 19 year old woman from Mumbai. Though she is a management student, her first love is writing. She loves playing with words. She writes poetries to soothe her soul and reads to calm her mind.