Never known that world of magic…Celibate still!

Rebecca! You will love her instantly as I do already, I bet! She is one amazing woman I’ve recently come across and we ticked off from the very start. Oh surely not just a pretty face…proper concoction of beauty and brains. Her beautiful dusky skin tone, her hair tied up mostly in a messy bun or a tight ponytail as though speaking of her zeal to live life to the fullest and to make the best against all odds. I realised one thing for sure she is a fighter- a go-getter. Her demeanour  so bubbly, so buoyant, so full of life…all joy! She oozes positivity in every way, all smiles all the time and such a smile that can warm up your heart and make your day.

Oh! Did I say that I actually ran into this perky someone at my gym! It’s a pure wonder how you at times make friends at places least thought of, like your gym!  We hit it off more than just well from the very start. We are so alike that it astonishes me, so much so that our life situations, likes-dislikes, interests, hobbies everything seems similar. I’m massively into healing, so is she, I’m into tarot reading and she sounds she has great inclination to things like numerology, stones etc. I live on meditation…been practicing for ages now, so does she. She is very spiritual and so am I. And that..is just to name a few things that are similar apart from some very obvious things like definitely we are like minded people. At times it’s just a knowing exchange of looks that is all we need to communicate. Isn’t it just plain awesome to run into someone who is all you? She is all me 🙂 It excites me, surprises me all at the same time…Always merry joking about things serious or mundane.

But quite honestly there is something about her eyes that always caught my attention. I wanted to know more…those big mysterious-curious-bright twinkling eyes. Longing? Searching? Very inquisitive? did they look…

Not long ago did she ask me to conduct a reading for her. Yes! It was everything important but you know how clever the cards are! They throw at you all you need to know apart from all you seeked guidance with. It’s incredible how they just squeeze most powerful informations from your innermost self. I did share with her all that she needed to know and things that would promise to make you smile- Career…prospects…fame-money you know the normal stuff one would wanna know but I also noticed her Mr. Right so NOT right (impacting her and her life in ways difficult to explain) Also saw him with this ‘other’ someone. I was worried for her, bit concerned so I decided(without her permission) to dwell deep and see what was going on…

I was kind of flabbergasted at what I really saw- It seemed just ONE very big problem revolving around Rebecca, her marriage, her Mr. Right and ohhh what an irony! Why on earth are they called Mr. Right when they are everything else but that! Not forgetting the joys of marriage..

So what was it I had seen? It’s weird, confusing so perplexing. I saw it was ‘sex’  Why do they always make such a big deal of it? How does it become such a dominant factor? More so how does it ever become SO big a thing to affect your marriage like that? What I am trying to say is how can sex define the quality of your marriage? Is this really all that makes marriage happy? REALLY? Are you serious? I understand and I am well aware its ‘key’ and ‘vital’ in the marriage but certainly not defining how good or bad your marriage is…okay! May be to an extent..but not all for heaven’s sake…to me…the way things translate to me is…two sides of a coin- loveless sex…sexless love…and it is all so confusing and interlinked. You couldn’t possibly separate one from the other. In marriage mostly its a bit of both isn’t it? You love your spouse, you care for them, ensure they are happy…even so when you may not be in the mood you succumb coz their happiness is all that matters to you! You may have gone sizzlers too but at times it is also ‘okay! Come on then sweet hurry up (let’s finish the ritual)gotta get some sleep’

Done – out of the way!  So which is loveless sex and which is sexless love?

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Anyway I figure that things are pretty sorry in Rebecca’s life but I still fail to understand the ‘how’ I keep rattling my head and so uneasy the whole following day. I felt somehow wasn’t the right time yet I felt its not fair that I just ask her – What is it love?What is bothering you? So I thought no I will park this for a while.

On the way back from the gym all slick and sweaty arf-arfing on how badly derailed life has been lately, and the most important question – is marriage really ever happy? Like happy-happy? We are still laughing our head off, mostly going jiba-jaba on the most trivial- unnecessary- silly things. I suddenly decide I had to get this out of my chest and try and see what I can do to make Rebecca feel better…help her in someway if I can..

I go- I saw a predominant factor in your readings that have a blanket affect Rebecca! And its sex! how and why is sex all over your readings? What is the matter sweet?

Rebecca very hesitant at first, shrugs and goes- You are right! It IS! I just don’t feel my body ever feels welcoming him! Never for once have I felt warm-slick inviting-welcoming wet desire build up in me…just never happens..more than that I have never experienced the magical ‘so talked about’ ‘orgasm.’ It just never happened. Everytime I tried to voice it I was dissed at best and damned for ruining the mood.

I am suddenly very concerned and my heart all filled with such deep sadness I can’t explain in words….I think ‘She deserves better than this!’ Thinking if it is something that requires medical attention. I go – NEVER? Patiently all ears, trying to decipher what’s going on and trying harder yet to gauge what is wrong…So I encourage her to fill me up with more information coz I so wanna help her..

I see her lips curl up in a grin- I have…briefly with another man…but never have been able to hit things high enough to facilitate that one glorious moment of ecstacy! Just not known it…being married for years and years.

Can’t believe my ears at first…my instinctive spontaneous response was passionate hatred for that man who is apparently her Mr. Right. Mr. Right? My foot! I am fuming now but I feel it is my responsibility to ensure she feels good at any cost.

Me- Rebecca you need to chill woman! Just relax it takes time at first…it did for me…ages. All the time aware of the hollow consolation. Desperately going…you know just enjoy other bits …getting high is the main thing not really hitting the prize at the end…is it? After all…its that moment of sweet urgency…melodious song your body sings and every iota of yours so aware of that music going..you love it…you long for more…can’t have enough…you throb-pulsate with desire..you wanna keep it going forever….you wanna get there as quick as you can but wanna hold that sweet symphony till as long as you can make it last…your whole being humming with desire so deliciously…you just forget everything…….time stops…all you know is yourself and so aware of the getting closer…YET so far away from the moment of final rapture!

Listening carefully going all starry eyed like a little girl as though aware of that valued treasure lying inside the cupboard, knows how precious it is, how wonderful it seems and so wants it but can’t reach somehow..can only long…Rebecca goes–Hmmmmmm I know what you mean. Somehow it never happened with us…

Ignorance is bliss they say! She certaingly doesnt know what she is missing…does she?

Bad marriage is one thing…but I wasn’t prepared for this. Funny heartache overtakes me….as if bad marriage wasn’t enough…to add to the never ending excitement…she never even enjoyed the sheer anatomical gratification either…though it’s much much more than just that…

I am just feeling so shattered for her dont know myself how to make her feel any better… It can’t take 10 years, I think to myself. But at the same time it’s good that she felt something with this other fella. Encouraging sign for sure!

There are surely other measures to resort to if it really was just about hitting the peak. But I knew she isn’t the cut for it. Perhaps nothing wrong with taking to other means and ways to achieve the seeked-desired but nahhhh! Why? Coz it all boils down to is sheer mechanics right? You are hungry..you eat food and then all done, satiated! Bit too crude and totally lacking the connect, emotions and other very important aspects of togetherness you feel with your someone who is special to you coz you merge with them at all levels.

It is the act of love between two people in love who when engage in making love, it’s NOT just the orgasm that happens, does it? It is mingling of two bodies and souls as one. It is much much more than that. You tend to unite and become one at many planes, emotional, physical and mental. That is the very reason why you ache..you long..you arch with desire …you wish..coz you wanna be one with that person. When you finally do hit zenith of rhapsody you feel every inch of you is SO alive..and how much that person means to you who made you feel so special..so loved…so exalted!

And THAT seems to be the real problem in Rebecca’s life, I concluded…there is such strong absence of connect. I am not 100% sure that Rebecca herself is convinced she is in love with her Mr. Right(oh yes she is loyal no doubt about that…she cares)

Well! In all fairness…I think I really should just leave this for Rebecca to introspect her feelings

Only thing that bothers me is these things are so sensitive and when making out…things just get across to the partner. It’s the fragility of these little things that makes or breaks your relationship. If you don’t feel loved, make love half heartedly, he will know it!  That’s where the cracks start. They are bound to know how you feel for them…that’s where it all starts right!..making her miss all the best bits of intimacy and of course that is why inability to hit it right…Having said that it works the same way for him…he doesn’t give her the loving she deserves no matter how hard she tries, or succumbs to your physical needs alone, it will all miss that magical wonder…

Who is the loser here? Him or her? Well both really…No?

Coz making love and achieving that gift of reaching that intoxicated-exhilarated heaven of love together, with each other is what makes it special.Doesn’t it?

It is a shame though that at times it just doesn’t happen within marriage…

Why? Can really honestly be debated…but some very obvious things that have been seen and observed that may contribute to this failure happens to be first and foremost common-est one-

Don’t we already know Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus? Yup! You heard me, we are just so different. Women are mostly all about hearts. Make love with their hearts, they really do.

It seems with women, the sexual desire fountains straight from the depth of hearts. If heart is stimulated rest follows easy. That look in the eye that suddenly makes you feel so loved, appreciated and beautiful. Almost as though saying- You are my all!..You in turn feel so much love you can’t contain and it slowly makes you burn..slow burn wants you to be his alone …so much so you wanna do all in your capacity to get as close as you possibly can to him. Connect to him at all possible levels. Emotional signals that triggers head to believe he loves you, desires you, appreciates you gets you going and then once you are taken in the lane of carnal desires there is no stopping it…you just zip-zap-zoom your way to moment of crowning glory!

Really just hope that Rebecca finds her world of magic and may that come to last and her Mr. Right.(I didn’t just say Mr. Right! Did I?)

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Tanvi Kumar

About the Author

Tanvi Kumar

Hi My name is Tanvi, I am a freelance journalist and a writer. Love to express and connect to people. My writings are essentially a part of me. Mainly done writing, involving different styles, from educational to spirituality and travel to various facets of lifestyle.Always been inclined to art. Explored and experimented with all sorts of art. Be it painting on a canvas, creating a wonderland with edibles that tickles your palate, chiseling an attractive world of ideas that can be conceptualized into something working or simply sculpting a world with words with a tang of personal touch. Coming to think of it, anything starting right from crafting, cooking, ideating. Love them all.Besides that, I have a great interest in tarot and spirituality and I feel both of them go hand in hand. Iam an impulsive Tarot Reader, Rider Waite and plain playing cards being among my favourites. Like to think it’s a Devine tool guidance. Omnipotent has means and ways to reach us and is above everything and everyone. Right from the beginning I always found myself penning down my most heartfelt experiences which would always lend such great sense of fulfillment, almost cathartic! Before I realized it grew as a passion and all my strongly felt emotions, experiences, spun into poems, prose and articles. Never hesitated to pen down any promptings that I felt coming from within.This is who I am, this is what I do, I write. Just a few words about who Iam. Iam a mum of a two year old. And oh! No it’s not easy being a mum! Is it? But it’s surely worth all the hard work. And that’s how my freelance career kicked off. Ever since I had my little man, I found it rather tough to juggle between work and looking after the non-stop demands of a little wailing baby. I had turned almost a zombie when I reluctantly decided to freelance. Coz I loved my job at Morrisons. my career didn’t quite start as a writer, though always writing, never disconnecting from the writer inside me, I continued looming up a world of words that found its expression in varied forms. Like any other 20 year old I was enamored by the thought of being independent and the quickest way to do it was a BPO! Well who doesn’t like making money? To be fair, it wasn’t all that bad actually. I realized I loved to connect to people, loved to have a nice laugh with them, strike a rapport, try to help them with all my capacity. Soon, I had a calling from within surely that’s not what I wanted to do, I wanted to write, to express, to reach to people. Which is when Times Group happened; I was a part of online division. Always having a bent towards doing something creative. Times threw me an opportunity to do just that. The job required to me ideate, conceptualize, write for different events. What I enjoyed most was the radio bit, I have sung jingles, broadcasted the forecast subjects Tarot and Astrology. It was all so creative and fun at the same time. Getting married, straight after which I had to leave the job as we moved to the UK, where I started working as a freelance journalist, writer, content developer, alongside working at Morrisons at customer service. Been a part of Aceville Publications, Edge Allen, Morrisons in house magazine. All of us have dreams and aspirations in life. And so do I To be successful, to make a difference. That’s what I would like to do, that’s what I aspire to be.

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