You two shared the perfect camaraderie and had that silent way of knowing each other’s needs and feelings when you fell in love.
It was all so perfect until you popped that question of commitment.
When you said those four words, ”Will you marry me?” , the reaction from your partner was quite unexpected!
He or she said, “Umm, I need some time to think about this..”
And you were like “What! We know each other so well , so why need the time?”
Ok, you may be right considering the fact that the two of you gelled so well together in the most crazy situations . But, their asking for time means that you need to really give time to your relationship and yourself to know your partner even more better.
Maybe, they had dealt with a painful breakup in the past or had experienced a toxic relationship with hidden scars.
This is quite a good indication that you need to spend more time together to share each other’s past and decode the psychology behind this commitment phobia.
The possibilities can be many but it is your call to interpret your partner’s hidden signals to either give time to your relationship or to back off.
• Afraid to let you down – Your partner may be so much in love with you that it must have made them fearful of hurting you if they failed to live up to your expectations, or loving you back equally.
• Bad relationship in the past- A bitter past may be holding them back to give their big thumbs up so soon. You need to erase those bad memories with good ones or help them heal peacefully before pushing the commitment part.
• Still not sure about their feelings- It might be too early at your stage of relationship for them to feel sure that you are the right one for a long-term commitment.
Accept their decision with grace since it is better to not jump right in only to sink together later on.
• Afraid of being hurt again- They might have been in a relationship where they had been hurt very badly and fear the same might happen again. Not their fault,for sure, but you can surely turn it the other way round.
The clock is ticking away and you want a solid response from your future fiancée. Here are some tips to get to measure the situation and take the final call about your relationship status.
• Open communication
This has been already said a million times by many and is still the number one tip to get to the point and dwelve deeper into the complication.
Not being defensive, being non-judgemental and open to acceptance is essential to establish proper communication between the two of you. It may be fear,guilt,shame or apprehension about your reaction which may be preventing them from opening up to you.But, you have to read between the lines and help your partner come of their hole to share their feelings and hidden emotions.
• Read between the lines
If elaborate communication does not quite convince you about the real problem , then it is surely a problem in your relationship! Either your partner is just not serious enough about you or is doubtful about your commitment due to unsaid reasons, hence not giving the positive signs of eagerness.
If he or she is really serious about the relationship, they will definitely ask for your help or even confide in their friends or family members,or even ask for seeking a counsellor’s help to resolve the issues. IF this is not the case, then you need to move on and not head towards the aisle so quickly.
• Right or Wrong?
Ultimately, the final decision of calling off a relationship should be taken after mutual consent. Sadly, this stage is rarely achieved by most couples which lead to heartbreak and resentment. IT is better to analyse your relationship and convey your expectations, feelings and life goals after marriage to size up your partner’s feelings. If they match and you are facing problems in communication, there is still hope of survival in your relationship.
If, on the other hand, your aspirations and feeling do not match, then it is better to break up with your head held high and move on for a better life in your separate ways.
Two people in pain can never get along for a long time, especially if they have different expectations from their partners concerning the fidelity, trust, expectations and amount of freedom you expect in the relationship.