The End I Never Wanted

Love is one of the purest of all emotions that a human being can experience, be it the love of parents, friends, or any other form. There is one form of love which is very close to the heart of every human being and that is when you feel butterflies in your stomach seeing or hearing the voice of that one special person. Yes, you got it right, the love between two couples. One of the innocent and sweetest forms of love.

When two people fall for each other, they have lots of dreams in their eyes for each other. They want to spend the rest of their lives with each other, but is this always possible? Barriers, society, caste, and situations many factors come into consideration. There are instances where years of relationships had to die a miserable death in the hands of the society, family pressure or situations which were unavoidable. But have you ever wondered, what happens to the emotion that they had for each other?

Marriage is indeed the unification of not just two bodies but two souls. But what if the soul always wanted someone else? What if the marriage was just a compromise? May be eventually the person might fall in love with his wife over the years or the girl with her husband eventually, but the soul would always stay empty. An outbreak of emotions would always fill you up whenever you come across any reminiscence of the past.

Sharing a short tale of someone I know to have been in love for the longest period of time, but where both had to let go off each other and embrace someone else due to numerous reasons placed in front of them.

(Name of the characters have been changed to preserve anonymity)

Rick and Riya knew each other from the same company. It was not love at first sight, in fact Rick was in an affair during that time. He was however, always close to Riya and did pay attention to her. May be he did not feel anything, but there was something about her, that she somehow always stayed in his mind.

Not that any of them ever proposed each other officially, Riya was not even sure when she started liking him and had developed feelings. She did keep the feelings to herself, trying not to complicate things for anyone. But like it is said, no matter how hard you try, your eyes are your mirror and end up expressing everything you try to hide, which was the case here.

A drunk confession from Rick, a mad Riya and eventually they came close to each other. May be they knew they do not have a future together, but they did not want to let go off each other. Riya, did ask him a couple of times, as to why he was with her and whether he has any feelings even? Rick never answered it, just said, some things are too critical to be defined by explanations.

By this time, Rick’s father was not doing that well and his health was deteriorating and the pressure was building on him to settle down with someone. He even did not know, which fine morning, he would end up getting engaged and married with someone else.

Right from meetings to feelings, everything was still on. Rick was still unmarried but not for long. Sooner or later, the harsh truth would come and hit across Riya’s face and she would have to accept it no matter what.

It was that dark morning of November. That early morning call from Rick left Riya devastated. Rick’s parents had chosen a girl for her and even given their consent for their engagement. The engagement was next week and within a month, he would be married with her. She was at a loss of words, did not know how to react, but did not want to complicate things for him. She somehow mustered the courage and managed to say- “Stay happy and take care of your family. You are free to do as you want, take care.” That was the last conversation they had and years of relationship ended there.

Rick is married and a father now. He is even a changed man, the fun loving Rick has turned into a serious adult burdened with responsibilities. Seems his smile has disappeared. Riya, is still here, unmarried and even more silent than before. She rarely speaks or bares her heart out, her eyes always seem lost or stuck at some moment in the past. She smiles but the smile no longer has the charm. She has curled back into her shell which is next to impossible to be penetrated by anyone ever again. She always was a person of less words, who kept her feelings to herself, but after this situation, her silence and change is deafening and killing. Once in a while or two, they have even crossed paths, glanced at each other and walked in opposite directions without even smiling.

Not that Rick is responsible or Riya invited this fate, but somehow, Rick would definitely lifelong have this guilt that somehow somewhere he is responsible for the change in Riya. He would have had the satisfaction at least, if she had revolted or said a word or two to him, but she just let him go and did not even for once express the immense pain she might have felt and is feeling even now. She just stayed quiet, so quiet, that may be even she has forgotten to speak to herself or search her soul for that matter now.

Love can change you and transform you to someone very different, but heart break can give birth to a personality you would have never wanted to become under a sane mind. May be he is no longer with her, but his memories, his touch, the love they shared are all with her killing her and breaking her bit by bit each passing day and turning her into a living and breathing disaster.

Quoting one of the most loved quotes and which found place in Riya’s scribblings some time ago, written by Patsy Cline- “You want me to act like we’ve never kissed, you want to forget; pretend we’ve never met, and I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I haven’t yet … You walk by, and I fall to pieces.”

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