Often think and reminisce how excited I was as a dazzling new bride, beaming with hope, aspirations, never ending enthusiasm, excitedly awaiting all the pleasant surprises that awaited me in the store. How I longed and expected that my prince charming would fill my life with never ending happiness in the most brilliant ways. I bet, he would have thought the amazing wife that I would make.
I’d say it started off all well! Almost like a bottle of bubbly, somehow before I could realise the excitement was beginning to fade away…still don’t understand why did it all have to fizzle out like that? Often wonder if this is always the fate of marriages everywhere? Is it really the whole over celebrated institution of marriage that has always been in choppy waters ever ready to gobble down your peace. You probably wonder if it was the right decision in the first place. In hearts of hearts you know you care for them, still love them perhaps. So why and how did it all go wrong? Most importantly why did it go wrong? You are as though caught up in never ending tussle with yourself trying to figure reasons for the same, at the same time hitting yourself hard-harder yet each time trying to pretend it’s all OK! Is everything really ok though? That awkward screeching silence between the two of you and it stretches beyond your threshold. You MUST do something about this now. With the passing time it only gets worse. Try so hard to make a cordial conversation only to fall flat on your face. Sheepishly managing something as lame as – Would you like a coffee? All you get is a bored completely cold nod of head which probably means- don’t pretend, we both know how sorry life is at the minute. What do you do? Either give in..cope with it somehow-anyhow or just break free? Is that a solution though? Either ways its never ending, agonising trauma. You wanna escape this situation. Too tired of life being this way,this long. Can’t take it anymore. What is the guarantee if you broke free things would be great again. , can you?No you don’t know, do you? You can’t know anything, you can’t plan life. Life just happens to you. As you experience you grow and learn as you go along.
Why does it occur as though this establishment is so dangerous and YET there is always such a desperate need to get into one. Looking back…I desperately try to understand where was it we faltered? Why couldn’t that dream be a reality…Why aren’t things the same anymore? Where is all that love..that spark..where is that twinkle in the eye you got rewarded with, that jingle in the laughter not heard anymore. Every ounce of you tries to somehow turn it around. It doesn’t! You feel like you failed so badly as a wife/husband may be? Why isn’t your marital life a blissful heaven? You are supposed to enjoy each other’s company, aren’t you? Your other half should be the first one you should be able to share anything and everything with. Why isn’t that happening? Is there anything you lack? Or is it this marriage business too hyped too good to be true? Surely, there are problems within this system itself. All you feel like is a heap of failures, disappointments and suddenly it seems like the whole world has turned hostile. You sleep over the things hoping ‘tomorrow would be a better day,’ lucky if it feels so for a while and again you tend to hibernate in the sinking feel of ‘ hell no! Nothing has changed,’ of ‘no hope,’ same depressing life, huh? You go hysterical busying yourself with your daily chores so this staleness, hollowness of life doesn’t come back to haunt you.
Suddenly you wonder if it really is just you or is this ‘Holy institution of marriage.’ You hate the very mention of it! Frazzled again, feeling blah you hope against hope and get your act together and decide to – be positive? To make things work!tomorrow will be a better day. Sorry as it might seem the tomorrows just turn into sad-stale everydays.
Now, that is a good one! I always thought why didn’t it ever come easy for me? People are happy in their marriages, aren’t they? Well! So it seems! What makes me so uneasy? Where is the love? For ages I grappled with my fears, insecurities, telling myself ‘I darn need to get more positive about making things work.’ What did I do instead? Conveniently kept sweeping ‘it’ under the carpet with the garb of ‘oh I am just thinking too much, it’s fine we are all good?’ Were we really? A big fat NO! Just didn’t want to deal with it or confront. I hated myself really, coz I so hated this feeling.
Where has it all gone?? Then it all boils down to…are we really organically a wrong match. Before we get into that debate, what I wanna understand is there really something like a ‘perfect couple?’ ‘a perfect match,’ ‘match made in heaven.’ Doesn’t the responsibility lie with both? Both have to work together to make things work, work hard to make that heaven on earth. Coming to the next point, what is the basis of any marriage? Is it not based of premise of pure ‘belief?’ Belief that he will be how I want him to be while he thinks she will be how he wants her to be..That’s where the problems trigger. Don’t we just assume too much? Just take things for granted? We just conveniently think and assume us all to conform to certain behavioural patterns, all presumptions. Failing which, problems start. Setting the right expectations from each other is the key, isn’t it? Which never happens if reality. What happens instead. We assume, even when getting to a marriage. Come to think of it , isn’t the whole institution of marriage is flawed.
Mind you, SO desperately wanting things to work, it so did not! Kept seeking for ways nevertheless, wishing, and hoping someday sometime there will be an end to this. Typical, days became weeks, weeks stretched into painful months but the agony remained. So I just decided – THAT WAS BLOODY IT! NO MORE! (Excuse my language but honestly that’s exactly how I felt) it wasn’t like suddenly it was any easier for me, no, it wasn’t but I just wanted to be done with it for good and that was it!
How did I do it? Haha big revelations
I realised you only really have two options-Either make the change happen or heartedly accept and move on in life. The cry baby cant keep moaning and groaning about things
I figured a few very serious problems with me, here they go
Sleeping upon things, ignoring them
Avoiding to talk coz I always feared unnecessary argument it always shaped into
I didn’t wanna make a big deal(Well it IS a big deal and you gotta bloody damn deal with it)
We needed to sort our differences, needed a good hearty talk-worth a try-an attempt
Needed some space to sort out things for us…our lives
Never really was open about the crisis situation coz of the fear of things taking a bad shape
What were meant to be little sniffles, became massive communication gaps by choosing not to talk about it
Kept grudges, believed way too much into things being wrong and could never get better
Slept over my biggest problems, challenges in life
Biggest focus was always what I couldn’t achieve as a spouse-forgot what I did
Had cancerous doubt our marriage working
We have read, heard, been told all the mumbo jumbo related to ‘You have to make marriage work.’ But the big question is how exactly do you do that? If there was a tonic or injection designed for this purpose, how cool life would probably be. People would be adorned with big grins all times with smiley faces and be something—Life is great, all is good, couldn’t get better, I just took an injection of ‘great happy married life.’
That is not how it works though, does it? I am yet to find a person who hasn’t got his share of problems, tensions, areas of unhappiness. Not to forget- ‘I wish I’ list of things of hubby and wifie things…
No! The honeymoon didn’t last but did they tell you the honeymoon doesn’t last 🙂 Everything changes, so do we as individuals.
To me, life is a complex mix of emotions, ‘a marriage’, if you please, between ‘hopes’ and ‘disappointments.’
If you are sitting there, reading this wondering ‘why aren’t I happy?’ Don’t be tempted and mistaken to think it is you alone having to go through THIS phase of ‘why me?’
Here mate, I have some news for you, you are not the only one. Does that make you feel any better? Hope it does.
Mind you, we all try and try hard enough but in that trial the purpose just gets lost. Not all is lost. All you can do it your best. STOP trying hard, just let yourself be. Life is precious and so are you.