Intimacy quotient-Brief is connection, agenda is love!

Who do you blame when the marriage feels like a drag? Nothing excites you about your other half. Infact to the extent of – don’t like this..don’t like that…just don’t like him PERIOD! Or vice versa! And amidst a situation like this when you hear someone go – reignite that fire, let that spark alive..you can’t help but go ‘Oh pleaseeee just stop!’ donnu? Really?

Well I did, what else did I do? I didn’t want anything to do with him…leave alone reigniting the fire (well! To begin with…where was the fire? duhhh) I was very tempted to think I am as bored with him, as bored as he is with me…Not realising something seriously had gone amiss..never really bothered to explore what it really was..simply coz we were too busy in the blame games. If anything, there was such  strong discontentment filling our lives..without a shadow of doubt – it was all his fault! Had to be, what else could it be!

So shirking off those plaguing thoughts and deciding on meeting my best friend. There she was with such warm heart wrenching smile. It was amazing how anything and everything just seemed so comforting and inviting, but him. Oh! How comforting she is, I thought! Relief…had just had a plush shoulder to cry on and suddenly I hear – You know what is, the obvious. Need to up the bedroom game! EXCUSE ME??? Are you freaking serious? Have you lost it or what? Don’t you understand how things are…things proper stink…they are rancid…still rotting. So one last time trying hard to get across, I don’t want anything to do with him. Couldn’t care less about the bedroom hah! That’s history! Thanks but no thanks!

Like it or not, your intimacy does have a great bearing on your married life. That bounce, that life, vim and vigour is the tell-tale sign of your relationship. Though it’s true, it is also true that sadly things are not always as gay and merry. Things can well be strained, rocky, disturbed and surely that shows too. Not much fun at all…

As I sit back now and think in retrospect I realise that just like anything, relationships are so capable of being hurt, getting impaired, falling weak. There are honestly many aspects to the reasons behind that hurt. A very tacky situation, such mess that threatens to only get worse. When this happens you go miles and miles away from those important bits of marriage that are meant to tenderly-securely hold you together. Things get so loveless, so completely devoid of emotions…sadly then the bridges burn. What do you miss? What do you need? Touch! Touch is what you need! This is what it is. A  touch that  touches your heart.

Always thought of myself a die-hard romantic….never thought even in my wildest of dreams this could remotely be a possibility. Surprise-surprise! Anything can happen, relationships are not hurt proof, are they? Magic does get lost, wonderlands are wonderlands after all.  Nothing in the world  is everlasting.

But I continue to believe in my lalaland of fairies. A world where things like -a lingering smile of acknowledgement, a long lasting eye contact which is difficult to break and such treat too, holding of hands…lacing fingers..have a special place and can make such a difference. Often laughed at and dismissed. To me, that is passion, the most passionate. I think It is incredible how little things can come to mean so much.Nothing touches you as these naive innocent things do. All of which evoking responses so special.  I know a bit Mills n Boon-ish perhaps! Good or for bad reasons or let’s say reasons unknown..somehow couldn’t change whatsoever even post marriage..I was like that at 16 and even now not too much seems to have changed..You know what is the best bit, it ALWAYS worked for me somehow, even though opinions have been more like ‘hmmm sweet!’ Only? Just sweet?..married for 10 years I ponder why and how something so magical has corroded now…just doesn’t work anymore…to me it’s a key part of the physical aspect still…Somehow with the years adding up to the marriage…that element of enchantment slowly sadly has only been diminishing….What takes over is the overpowering sense of sheer rituals, a job that needs done, a regular chore to be completed…painfully mechanical…so much so you just grow out of it and just go ‘Oh well! Why do things in the first place?’ or ‘No! Not all over again’ or even worse ‘Blahhh here…we go again’ and to the greatest dismay ‘get this out of the way.’ SO! What is wrong? Where are things going wrong? Where is the love? Together, but just so NOT together…holding hands still, may be yes, but more out of habit rather than wanting to hold someone you love.

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Aren’t we a mix of a complex labyrinth of needs?…need to feel loved, desired, wanted, cared for…more importantly be able to feel a connect with another special someone. An association that is special, close to your heart. Any relationship to succeed, needs that essential connect. Then of course the very carnal need to seal the connection. A connect so precious (or so should it be) which works coz of the care, affection, tenderness, desire, want, passion and an array of beautiful sentiments involved. That’s exactly what enriches your relationship and makes it all so worth existing. If that bit is missing, what is the point of this relationship? Just name sake? You are better off without one then..

Don’t have time, things are not the same, way too busy..taking each other for granted? Bored? Can’t be asked?

Hell no! That’s just how we all are..We all love to chase things, more in love with the thought of being in love…isn’t that the thing? As soon as we know we have what we want somehow the fire just dies down…Other side of the things might well be that things are seriously going bad..Truth is as easy it might be to fall in love, easier it is to fall out of it. When that happens, which it does sadly, it does become a challenge to rekindle the love and togetherness. May I also add, it is NOW when this physical aspect can play the cards right, provided you do all hearts and NOT just physical needs alone. It is THEN that your intimacy can work it’s way to your heart and perhaps make you fall in love all over again..It IS a solid expression of your love or so it should be. So that in itself means just how much intimacy means…can mean…just personally feel…it is so not done justice with…if anything, just being taken for granted..This is what can keep the so talked about “fire” going, rekindle your love.

Wonder…why and how has this important expression of love come to mean nothing but synonymous to act of climaxing alone..really? As important and vital as IT might be to hold couples magically together, is continuing to become so underwhelming…reducing it to something as shallow as just a peak? Nah! It’s much more than that…becoming a ritual? So to speak! Either ways, this ‘straight to business’ approach is so NOT cool. Na! So not just endorphins. Happy hormone can only do justice when it follows the hearts involved strike a chord.

To me it’s pure sad and such sorry state of affairs within a relationship…married or not…

A sheer touch, a kiss, a hug…snuggles, cuddles, embraces, caresses, strokes…or just a very fond peck…or a lengthy passionate sloppy kiss can communicate volumes to your other half, making them feel desired, longed for, wanted, loved and a whole spectrum of un-spelt  emotions that talk of a strong confidence in the bond. You are in a way communicated that you are important and mean so much. Every touch means! It could well be a frisky kiss or two…or slow burn titillating,consuming tantalising warmth of the breadth that promises a tight ‘I want you’ hug in return.

Why should something so natural and spontaneous become so technical-mechanical? It is coz we focus way too much on sexuality of the business rather than concentrating on the sensuality.

You need to be able to entice the senses.

This connection can only be charismatic when the medium is right. The medium is nothing but warmth, affection. Everything should and must emerge from the depth of your heartfelt emotions. Let your physical self work in tandem with your heart to express how important your partner is to you. Let your eyes, fingers, lips do the happy dance of love.

It’s time to walk the talk. So the brief is simple- it’s connection and the agenda is love!

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Tanvi Kumar

About the Author

Tanvi Kumar

Hi My name is Tanvi, I am a freelance journalist and a writer. Love to express and connect to people. My writings are essentially a part of me. Mainly done writing, involving different styles, from educational to spirituality and travel to various facets of lifestyle.Always been inclined to art. Explored and experimented with all sorts of art. Be it painting on a canvas, creating a wonderland with edibles that tickles your palate, chiseling an attractive world of ideas that can be conceptualized into something working or simply sculpting a world with words with a tang of personal touch. Coming to think of it, anything starting right from crafting, cooking, ideating. Love them all.Besides that, I have a great interest in tarot and spirituality and I feel both of them go hand in hand. Iam an impulsive Tarot Reader, Rider Waite and plain playing cards being among my favourites. Like to think it’s a Devine tool guidance. Omnipotent has means and ways to reach us and is above everything and everyone. Right from the beginning I always found myself penning down my most heartfelt experiences which would always lend such great sense of fulfillment, almost cathartic! Before I realized it grew as a passion and all my strongly felt emotions, experiences, spun into poems, prose and articles. Never hesitated to pen down any promptings that I felt coming from within.This is who I am, this is what I do, I write. Just a few words about who Iam. Iam a mum of a two year old. And oh! No it’s not easy being a mum! Is it? But it’s surely worth all the hard work. And that’s how my freelance career kicked off. Ever since I had my little man, I found it rather tough to juggle between work and looking after the non-stop demands of a little wailing baby. I had turned almost a zombie when I reluctantly decided to freelance. Coz I loved my job at Morrisons. my career didn’t quite start as a writer, though always writing, never disconnecting from the writer inside me, I continued looming up a world of words that found its expression in varied forms. Like any other 20 year old I was enamored by the thought of being independent and the quickest way to do it was a BPO! Well who doesn’t like making money? To be fair, it wasn’t all that bad actually. I realized I loved to connect to people, loved to have a nice laugh with them, strike a rapport, try to help them with all my capacity. Soon, I had a calling from within surely that’s not what I wanted to do, I wanted to write, to express, to reach to people. Which is when Times Group happened; I was a part of online division. Always having a bent towards doing something creative. Times threw me an opportunity to do just that. The job required to me ideate, conceptualize, write for different events. What I enjoyed most was the radio bit, I have sung jingles, broadcasted the forecast subjects Tarot and Astrology. It was all so creative and fun at the same time. Getting married, straight after which I had to leave the job as we moved to the UK, where I started working as a freelance journalist, writer, content developer, alongside working at Morrisons at customer service. Been a part of Aceville Publications, Edge Allen, Morrisons in house magazine. All of us have dreams and aspirations in life. And so do I To be successful, to make a difference. That’s what I would like to do, that’s what I aspire to be.

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