Being married and still dreaming

Weddings are the holiest and the most awaited ceremony in an Indian home. Similar was ours. The grandeur setups and wedding harassments, relatives’ rush, and every sort of hectic twists and turns happened that could bring hurricane in the life of a peaceful person.
And then in a few days, we finally shifted to Kolkata and arranged our new house post marriage. I was finally blessed with a few days of alone time to swim out of the ocean of intense exhaustion and rejuvenate myself, however, I kept missing my newly formed in-laws and the crowd that kept treating me like VIPs in town.

There’s something great about leisure days. A day off from your usual schedule brings in life in your ‘so-called life’. There I lay on my bed gazing at the moving fan right above me and with every full circle of its blades, I could feel my thoughts going round and round. One part of me seemed so relaxed while the other part of me had declared a war against the former. There were revolting thoughts all swirling in and out of my mind shouting loud ” Was I meant to be this?”, ” Was I born to wake up, eat, work, sleep and die?”, ” Does God make us all the same and does he want all to die the same?”

I was missing my old job ( you can also call it my dream job) that I had left five months back to move with my husband and take care of our new abode. I never imagined myself sitting up the whole day at home and giving up on my dreams. Also, I felt I needed to be there at home too and become more able at households.

The pictures of achievers and eminent people had by now engulfed a huge space of my head and I could feel all of them pulling me up from my lying bed to sit up and think and rethink and stand up and finally act. I so desperately wanted to take time back to those days when I used to enjoy my work, my colleagues and my cubicle was my entire world. It felt like flying. And now felt like curbing my wings and gradually realizing I hardly possessed them.

Just then, my phone beeped and it was Varun (my better half), colored in new hues of wedlocks and this time he called me up to praise me for the wonderful lunch I had prepared for him. He was so happy and so was I. He was on an outing to Dehradun for a two days meeting and I was all alone home perplexed in my thoughts, being happy as a homemaker for the time being and missing my workaholism since a long time.

I was startled with a sudden burst of ‘just do it’ feeling. I made up an effort to reach to my phone and read some inspiring words on the internet. I came across some great quotes and I could feel the Harry Potter broom brushing all over my mind and sweeping me off my feet.

Darkness covered all around the room and while I was about to buzz into my ‘sweet dreams’ land, when ” You are here for a reason” kind of liners conquered all the vacuum of my dormant mind.
A ray of light entered my room making it’ way from the darkness by the ventilator above, ironically with the same illumination that ushered in my soul as well which asked me each time the reason of its existence.

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Busy in my thoughts and conscious voices from within, I drew myself slowly into the ocean of happy peaceful sleep with my dreams that I saw in the daylight with wide open eyes running behind to spy me in my night’s unconsciousness.
A text of “Goodnight and see you soon” exchanged between me and Varun and off we went to sleep pondering overseeing each other soon being in two distant cities and so much near in hearts.

Early morning when I woke up, I could feel great awakening inside me as if all the motivational souls had collaborated with mine and resonating even harder. And my inner self-had redesigned and re-oriented each pair of chromosomes as they were desired to be. I thanked God and my destiny Angel for the awakening and I could understandably gauge the light they had dawned on me.

I joined both my palms wide open trying to match every fate line that started from the left and ended to the right, promising my fate to live upto its expectations of me.

Just then, my phone beeped and I chirped in joy expecting it to be Varun’s Good morning text.

It wasn’t him but my old boss from my old city wishing me on my newly happened marriage and informing me of the new apparel design project they’ll be starting in this new city and that they wanted me to take the lead.

My happiness knew no bounds. I felt so much home. The news of my old work in my new city filled me with a spectrum of liveliness. I was happy to do this as this was something I could work and manage home equally, or probably because we say we can always manage work that we love to do.

Andit was all set.

Me, Varun, our happy jobs and our happy home.
That was a new morning of love, hope, dreams, and desires
With hopes of finding my lost self after marriage and building myself a little more together !!

I got off the bed and my feet touching the ground was not so usual and I woke up.
And trust me, ‘ I really woke up!

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Sonali Gupta

About the Author

Sonali Gupta

Management post graduate and Economics graduate. Banker by profession, Blogger and content writer by passion. Also a painter and nature lover. Finds peace and calmness in words inscribed on paper. O all the things in the world, I fall for a pen and paper, they never promise me love but never leave me alone. Passionate for art and photography. Self motivated and fond of motivating others.

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