Marriage is a pious alliance of two people and families involved. The relationship speaks of the love, care, trust , understanding and commitment beyween them. Marriages often go through bitter phases when couples face hell situationa and no longer want to stay togrther, but it is extremely important to know when to draw the line and when stick by the bond. Like I always say ‘marriage is a bond where two people refuse to give up on each other’, often couples face aggravated situations when staying together any longer is impossible and togetherness creates a havoc in their individual lives and their personal peace and life turns hell. So, this leads to dismantling of the marriage bond leading to separation and divorces.
Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce. If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.
You know things are not going well for you and your spouse. Your partner did seem stern, aloof and resentful that last time you spoke to each other. Like always you expect them to come around, let go of the steam and become their normal self with time. Instead, one day, you come home to find their clothes missing from their cupboards and a piece of paper on the dinner table- a divorce notice.
Do you think this scenario could transpire into your life?
It’s not uncommon that couples start to fight and make up…fight and make up, until one day they fall apart for good. Don’t neglect your relationship issues, you never know, your relationship could be treading towards rocky roads too!
What are the real reasons for divorce?
Infidelity, lack of communication, financial troubles, sparing intimacy are some of the reasons for divorce.
We are no supporters of divorces or dismantlement, but every stigma or issue of society needs to be understood and talked about. Let’s look at the most common reasons for divorce and hope to learn from the mistakes of others.
1. Infidelity
Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce. This is one of the most common causes of divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe.
Anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating, along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy.
2. Money
Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true.
Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can strain a marriage to the breaking point.
3. Lack of communication
Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage.
On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be ditched in a marriage.
Practicing mindful communication, to change age-old marriage mistakes, can be hard but it’s well worth the effort to improve and save your relationship.
4. Constant arguing
From bickering about chores to arguing about the kids; incessant arguing kills many relationships.
Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated. Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution.
5. Appearance gain
It may seem awfully superficial or unfair, but weight gain is a common reason for divorce.
In some cases a significant amount of weight gain causes the other spouse to become less physically attracted while for others, weight gain takes a toll on their self-esteem, which trickles into issues with intimacy.
6. Unrealistic expectations
It’s easy to go into a marriage with lofty expectations; expecting your spouse and the marriage to live up to your image of what they should be.
These expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure.
7. Lack of intimacy
Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because it leaves couples feeling as though they’re living with a stranger or more like roommates than spouses.
This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex. If you are constantly giving your spouse the cold shoulder, then know that over time it can become the ground for divorce. Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship.
8. Lack of equality
When one partner feels that they take on more responsibility in the marriage, it can alter their view of the other person and lead to resentment.
Every couple must negotiate through their own and unique set of challenges, and find their own way of living together as two equals who enjoy a respectful, harmonious and joyful relationship.
9. Not being prepared for marriage
A surprising number of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for the demise of their relationship. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s.
Almost half the divorces occur in the first 10 years of marriage, especially between the fourth and eighth anniversary.
10. Abuse
Physical or emotional abuse is a sad reality for some couples.
It doesn’t always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse and be removing yourself from the relationship safely is important.
11. Drug or Alcohol Addiction
You can’t fix an addict. For some reason, though, those married to addicts stay in the marriage believing they can somehow bring about change in the addict’s behavior. An addict changes when they make the choice to change. An addict does not change because they see their spouse or children suffer. They do not change until they hit rock bottom and only the addict knows what his/her rock bottom is.
If you are lucky the thought of losing his/her family will mean a positive change in the addict. If you aren’t lucky and choose to stay in the marriage you can bet the addict will take their family down with them.
No marriage is easy.
Even couples with the best intentions are sometimes unable to overcome their challenges and end up in courtrooms. That’s why it’s important to address issues in your relationship early on. Don’t wait until they are beyond fixing. Practice kindness, make intimacy a priority, go on holidays and seek marriage counseling (even when things are fine) to preserve the health and longevity of your relationship.
Try your very best before you decide that things are beyond your control and it is time to give up. That way you can have the peace of knowing you tried all of the alternatives before the big step. Divorces are unavoidable at times but working on marriages and fighting and living for your love and relationship is always a beautiful thing to do. Keep working and stay together is the key unless you feel life literally turned a hell. Good luck ! J