FLY: First Love Yourself
“Self love isn’t selfish.” I read this witty line sometime back and since then haven;t really forgotten it. Being somebody who practices and peaches self love, I without a doubt know for a fact how beautiful is a love story with yourself, by yourself and for yourself. To me, self-love means true acceptance of who I am, who I have been, and who I still wish to be. Self-love, to me, is respecting and unconditionally embracing every single incarnation of yourself – every age, every stage, every day, every hour. Self-love is the truest form of unconditional love there is.
I define self-love as the radical decision to choose yourself over and over again, no matter the circumstances. Life will throw obstacles of all kinds in our paths, making it hard and at times perhaps even impossible to feel like we love ourselves. Self-love doesn’t mean we are swaddles in warm and fuzzy vibrations at all times. Self-love merely means choosing to do right by ourselves, that which serves our highest good, even when we don’t think we can or don’t want to.
Understanding self-love is not selfish. That all your relationships (friends, family, romantic) will be stronger, more mutually joyful, and healthy if you are whole and kind to yourself. And if they are not better for it, that is not about you but a fault in that relationship. You Have to Love Yourself Before You Can Love Someone Else?. Extending too much love to others can leave us lacking in love for ourselves. We must walk the fine line of attending to others and tending to ourselves, all the while never falling second to the needs of another. Because to love ourselves is to know ourselves, and to know ourselves is to recognize the full spectrum of our powers. Like any relationship, your relationship with yourself goes up and down and sideways and requires a daily feed. It changes as you change, your circumstances change, and the people around you change.
When you get to a place where you like yourself, the action of loving yourself will come more naturally. You won’t tolerate certain behavior from others. You’ll seek less approval. Your friendships will be less lopsided. You won’t have as many holes to fill within you. You’ll be gentler with yourself, more forgiving. You’ll believe you deserve more, better, different. You’ll finally stop breaking the promises you’ve made with you. And the relationship you have with yourself will improve.
Someone else loving you will always be more powerful than you loving yourself. Because it’s easier to love someone else than ourselves, no matter how much work we’ve done on us. Think about it. The love you have for your children. Your husband, wife, brother, sister, friends. You would do so much more for them than you and that doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself. It means you’re human. And that’s what makes us magical.
If You love yourself, you must surely be doing the below mentioned practices. And if you don’t, it’s high time you do them :
Every one of us makes mistakes — in relationships, finances, personal decisions, and so on. Mistakes can be costly reminders to think before we act, but they are also encompassed by greater lessons. Remembering this can help us forgive our former failures and discern their higher purpose. When we forgive ourselves for our shortcomings we can redirect our attention to new efforts that produce new results.
Put yourself first.
There lies beauty in sacrifice. But when you constantly put yourself second, you set up an inevitable pattern of behavior. In time, you settle for second place in more than one area of life. Reevaluate what it means to put yourself first: engaging in your interests, pursuing your ambitions, and ensuring your well-being. Practice this mantra in all difficult situations: If it doesn’t bring me good, it isn’t worth my effort.
Recognize your strengths.
Recognizing your strongest traits endows you with deep knowledge of the self, a precious tool you can use to cultivate your best assets. Understand what are your shining qualities and showcase them with beaming confidence. Once you acknowledge your strengths, you can raise your standards in all elements of life. The moment you begin to believe that you deserve better is the moment you receive better.
Do something you love each day.
When was the last time you did something you truly loved? Our ambition is admirable, but our lives have become so busy that we often dismiss simple pleasures to take care of business. Whether it’s a hobby, talent, or special craft, take thirty minutes out of your day, each day, to practice what nourishes your soul. Everything can wait while you indulge in your beloved self.
Cut out all negative influences.
Make a list of the people in your life who have no place being there. You know who they are — those who drain you physically, emotionally, or mentally, who take advantage of you or cause you any form of stagnation. Literally cut your list in half and let this be reflective of the way in which you will trim away these negative influences in real life.
Release love to yourself.
We hoard our abundant love of the self within us, as if waiting to release it to the right person. In reality this love was meant to be released only to ourselves. Allow your self-love to flow freely by eliminating criticisms, insecurities, and doubts. The attention you should show another person is secondary to the attention you should show yourself. Why wait for someone else to love you when you can love yourself first?
Celebrate your worth.
It’s easy to become distracted by potential achievements and neglect past accomplishments. Celebrate your personal triumphs, both big and small, and let every former victory be a fervent reminder that future wins await, too. Don’t be afraid to raise your glass and toast to that amazing person who’s conquered their every challenge: you.
Thrive on creativity.
We are all remarkably creative, but our originality may be stunted by external factors. For example, your job may not allow you to express your true ingenuity. Our imagination allows us to manifest our most brilliant ideas to life if only we can open the inventive doors inside. Incorporate your creative tendencies into everyday life, from the way you dress, speak, decorate your home, etc. Expand your creative potential to reach its peak in time.
Self-love can mean a lot of different things, but it boils down to feeling good about yourself, even if there are moments when you’re disappointed. Self-love is all about building your self-esteem and self-image. The idea is to use your ideal self as your guide, not expecting to reach it, but to give you direction and a hopeful outlook. We often depend on others for validation, but it’s important to have your own internal compass.
We all struggle with self-esteem issues here and there, but if you want to have a consistent positive relationship with yourself, you might need to put in a little work to get there.
Try adopting these habits that help encourage regular self-love :
If you’re super busy and don’t envision yourself being able to squeeze in a trip to the spa every day, you’re over-thinking it: you can take 15 minutes to read a chapter of your favorite book with a fresh cup of hot tea, and that is self-care. Whatever you want to do, that is nourishing for your body and soul, do it.
Respecting Your Body
People who practice self-love respect their body by eating healthy and exercising. They view their body as a sound board, a place to tune into and listen. Doing so helps them prevent harmful activities or refrain from eating unhealthy foods.
Taking It One Day At A Time
Keep in mind that it’s not just what you’ve done or finished, but the process of expressing yourself in these different ways.
Allowing Yourself Forgiveness
We all know it, but sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that nobody’s perfect. Finding a way to forgive yourself for the past while committing to improving your behavior or living more closely to your values will increase self-love.
Focusing On Your Self-Talk
Find ways to counteract them that are more loving and compassionate in nature. What would a beloved friend say to you during this time? What would you say to your younger self if she was going through this experience? Show yourself that there is another part in the conversation.
Relishing Your Alone Time
Take time to spend alone in sheer contemplation, Relax your shoulders and take a break even during hectic times. Those moments of introspection and easing into a comforting place will motivate you to continue forward building your self-love.
Surrounding Yourself With Positive People
If you are trying to cultivate self-love, it can be extremely difficult to sustain this practice if you’re wading through a constant wave of Negative. Are your friends open to treating themselves with love, compassion, respect, and dignity? If they are, great! If they’re not, try to find others who might be more understanding and can give you more peace of mind when you’re around them.
Doing More Things You Love
If you are subsisting on a mindless, boring job just to pay the bills, that’s totally okay — what are you doing during the rest of your day that can nourish you? What are your hobbies, interests, things that you’re good at ?
The more you love yourself, the happier you will feel, and the more motivated you will be to accomplish what you want in life. Extending too much love to others can leave us lacking in love for ourselves. We must walk the fine line of attending to others and tending to ourselves, all the while never falling second to the needs of another. Because to love ourselves is to know ourselves, and to know ourselves is to recognize the full spectrum of our powers.
You are your only savior and the shoulder to anchor your broken self when the whole world disappoints you. So, when you already know you’re the one who always was for you and who always will be there; why not love yourself first and foremost?
No one can love you more than you. The day YOU fall in love with yourself, you’ll find yourself to be in the longest and most liberating love story. So, love them all; but love yourself first, because ‘SELF LOVE ISN’T SELFISH!’ 😉
Happy Self love you lovely people…..
About the Author
A Banker by profession, a Blogger and a content writer by passion, Sonali is a Gold medalist in Management as a post-graduate and an economics graduate. A painter and nature lover, she's passionate for art and photography. She finds peace and calmness in words inscribed on paper. She has written blogs, articles, newsletters, quotes, poetries ,stories, technical and financial content as a professional. Of all the things in the world, she likes to fall for a pen and paper each time because Writing is her favorite escape. She's a self motivated and a self driven person and loves to inspire and motivate people. She believes in 'doing what you love and loving what you do'.