How I realised the importance of communication in relationships!
If I begin narrating my love story, it will sound no less than a fairytale. Two young people in their middle twenties meeting for the first time and clicking like they have known each other forever. One meeting and both of them knew that it wasn’t normally socializing. It was beyond greetings and small talk. Before giving a gist of my bond with him, I would like to describe him as a person.
The man I fell in love didn’t match with the list of qualities I had set in my mind. Like every young woman, I also dreamed of a man who is no less than Romeo and other fictional characters. But when I actually met him, I never really bothered to strike off the qualities in my list. I had forgotten about the list completely when time passed with him and he when on his knees to propose me. To be honest, his personality is so natural and real that it makes you forget about specifics and makes you fall in love with him. His eyes and his smile are so raw that you can easily examine his thoughts. From the very first meeting, I saw how he flinched whenever he forgot something and how he scratched his right ear when somebody complimented him. His jolly nature makes him approachable and easy to talk to. His comfortable aura definitely played magic tricks when it successfully made an introvert like me talk to a random stranger for almost six hours in the very first meeting of yours.
It was a mutual friend’s house party where we met for the first time. I, being me, always stood in the balcony enjoying the fresh air and my drink. What was unusual was finding him standing at my place when I went for a refill. On returning I passed on an awkward smile before realising that a “Hi” should not be a big deal. And that’s how we began talking. We sat there for six hours talking about everything in general unknown to the fact that the party was still going on. It was only my friend wanted me to drive her home that I bid adieu to this known stranger and realised how happily I was going back home (It was unusual because I was not having headache and was actually in a cheerful mood). After that night, I received a call and we never really stopped talking.
We started hanging out on holidays and weekends all alone , giving dumb excuses to our friends. Gradually hanging out turned into dates and conversations into poetries. After few months, he proposed me and we got married on the same date when we met for the first time.
All of this sounds like a fairytale, doesn’t it? But no relationship is all goody-goody with no hints of arguments or conflicts. After getting married and living with each other under the same roof for an year, we too started behaving like typical husband and wife, sometimes fighting over solvable issues and loving each other tremendously. But the tide turned when he shifted to some other city for a two month project. This phase taught us things that we can never forget.
1. Distance can actually create distance.
Yes, it is true. It becomes difficult to maintain a balance when the other person is no longer beside you on the bed. The issues hang for days to be solved and complaints only increase with each busy hour. Both of us work , but there never was distance of cities between us and when it actually came, we realised how delicate bonds can be and how important it is to stay connected.
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2. Misunderstandings should be solved.
When conversations are over calls and texts, it is obvious to misunderstand certain statements and expressions. What can worsen it is the habit of accumulating it all in the mind without taking efforts to communicate the hurt or negative emotions.
3. Fancy dates aren’t always a thing.
When you are away from a person, a random message communicating their love is all it takes to bring a wide smile on ones face. And sometimes that is the only thing one hopes for. Yes, one cannot say that the relationship will always have stars lit up, but one can definitely try and make small efforts that won’t allow the stars to fade away.
4. Surprising your spouse can be refreshing.
After a difficult month, I finally decided to surprise him by visiting him and planning a day out on the weekend. That step was essential considering all the arguments we have had for one complete month. That decision helped us solve so many issues and it definitely refreshed our bond.
5. Communication is the key.
Relationships can never be a plain road with no stones or hurdles. There’ll always be ups and downs but nothing can not be solved by communicating. Sitting calmly and talking about things that was bothering both of us was the only thing that was needed to know the issues and find a solution for the same.
The times when we were away, problems grew because of only one reason. Lack of communication. It was only because of the communication gap that we started having assumptions which ultimately led to fights and the growth of bitterness in our relationship. During all those days both of us realised how miscommunication was slowly destroying every beautiful thing. The moment we started communicating the issues and assumptions, things started taking a positive side and we actually found it easy to find a solution. Otherwise, it all included never-ending arguments.
Today, we are celebrating our fifth anniversary and nothing makes me more proud than the relationship I share with my husband. We could have actually transformed our bond into something very negative if we neglected those small issues that started arising during that time. I feel glad to look back in the past and see that we took the right decision of handling our naivety instead of letting it all go. It was not a big thing, but trust me when I say it could have ruined a lot of things. Whenever people ask me what is it that keeps our bond fresh and alive, I have only one answer- Communication. Our bond was born amidst the six hour conversation and it always grew with the words we exchanged.
If you think that things are going haywire or your relationship is constantly dealing with small issues and fights, think about handling the delicate bond before having the thought of leaving it altogether. Lie down in your living room with your phones switched off and start a conversation with your significant other. A good conversation never fails to bring a positive result.
About the Author
Tanvi Taparia is a 19 year old woman from Mumbai. Though she is a management student, her first love is writing. She loves playing with words. She writes poetries to soothe her soul and reads to calm her mind.