How to conquer a relationship?
Fading in, fading out?
You feel it was only a little blow, well so you thought but hey! Do you now feel your relationship dissipate. Its stolen all your peace, ripped you off like quite literally: cant sleep, cant eat, cant concentrate. Things dont feel the same no more, you wanna fix it. ‘Fix’ you might have been able to, but no bridges left to walk on to reach them. All gone, swept off with the eroding trust. They said and did things that left scar in your heart. You feel like like a mess. No where, you are. All you probably wanna do is run. Surprise surprise, you do run the run. Run as fast as you can only to see you run back to them you shouldn’t be running to. You are frustrated, you feel so lost.
Hang on! Hold on! It happens, its only natural
Lets start with the happier side, good news- that is! Trust me you are NOT the only one. It sure happens. If not today it is bound to tomorrow. And if you are at the crossroads of life thinking the patterns repeat. Insecurity, displeasure, complete loss of faith, disappointments. Trust me this happens to each one of us, it has at some point. Some lucky haven’t had to face this. How many times, is a completely different story.
- How many times have you been here before?
- Will this ever end?
- Is there something wrong with you?
- Or are you plainly a wrong judge?
- How do you invite THIS each time?
You gotta learn accepting, letting go
So you are probably stood there gazing almost into the nothingness, the whole time well aware of the mundane futile conversations you over hear from outside the window. Your spirits sag, in the least interested but you wanna keep busy, occupied.
You are possibly thinking
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- What am I doing?
- Why am I doing this?
- What am I expecting?
- Where am I headed?
- Does this pronounce yet another fiasco of a relationship?
- Is’nt this enough for one lifetime worth of hurts?
- Can I handle anymore?
- Why the hell am I determined to take THIS further?
- Why? Especially so when its all crystal clear…
- What am I seeking? What am I after?
What do you do? Just try and accept things as they come. Always a bigger reason behind the happenings, occurrences. Be patient with yourself. You dont have to prove anything to anyone. Take it easy, dont be harsh on yourself. It might hurt, its fine. It shall pass.
Change things or accept things. Go with the flow
With a fist of pure emotions and a head of shattered dreams still stood there like a robot. Thinking do you even have a choice? YES & NO. Take it or leave it. There always is two options very clearly. Can you change things? If you can go ahead if NOT accept it. Should’nt ever fight the current of the tides. Best it is, to go with the flow. SO should you do too.
Time for some introspection- Gap bw what you expect & what you get.
Reflect on your relationship. Don’t be shocked if things feel(not the same anymore) changed. Like it or not ‘change’ is the only thing that is constant. It is indeed heartbreaking for things things to vanquish, love to erode, bitterness slyly creeping into the relationship & all you do is endure. Now THAT is surely NOT right. If you are at this stage. There is always a reason to things.
It’s time for some solitude & introspection(an unbiased one) you wanna ask yourself the following-
Some food for thought for you to get you going
- How important are they to you?(it just shows, simple)
- Do they make you feel important?(again simple)
- Do they include you in their important decisions?(very clear)
- Do you feel loved & wanted still?( it will be all over if so)
Could there be a slightest chance of communication gap? misunderstandings?(they happen all the time you say something and gets translated into something else coz of the conditioning of strong emotions- why? Coz when hurt you can only just feel…feel hurt, feel deceived, feel heartbroken, feel cheated upon.)
- Did you hear them out completely? Could there be a chance of them NOT being 100% wrong?(dont forget just coz you are hurt doesn’t mean you are right, you could well stand corrected, you could have made a mistake too. If you did its only wise to own it up & move on).
- Is the attraction blazingly alive? Faded a bit?( missing happening, looking great comments etc)
- Do you feel insecure about them?( they feel cold, don’t care you talk or don’t around or not)
- You feel something is seriously wrong?( routine happens but lacks connection- no expressing love, no expression period.)
- They waver, oscillate, sound unsure about you?( Super expressive one moment, next minute all cold & uptight. Emotionally unstable. Sorry! They are not into you love. Face it!)
- What is it you expect from them & what do they expect of you?(communications to occur)
- Have there been many arguments flaring up lately?( will show)
- They sound aggressive, irate all the time( there are sore points there, they are NOT angry they are frustrated & very hurt).
- They in the least show interest about your existence(sorry but its time to face reality – you are a routine to them, a sheer habit).
Mind you all these things should have occurred for a considerate amount of time for you to conclude so. Having said that there is always a room for communication gap to occur & misunderstandings. Whether or not there are, they will too show up, wont go anywhere. Not always but most of the times your hunches will guide you how things feel and reflect the truth.
You wanna sit down and fix things right then and there before its too late. Remember that.
Get to grips! Dont go around fooling yourself
Sadly relations do change, feelings do change, attraction withers away, love wilts, boredom settles in. You love them alright but do they love you as much. Well so they might say coz they dont wanna hurt you but in hearts of hearts you KNOW its NOT the same. Happens. Get to grips,be real, stop fooling yourself.
Change could well be for the better. Here is ‘how’
No charm, no I love yous, no miss yous, no – you look great tonight, I wish I could be with you. It is well imaginable how the absence of the same might feel. No more frequent calls. More so sore sense of nostalgia consumes you and you are bound to think- WHY NOT? Whats changed?
Well! It has all changed. You know what the good thing is
For all you know your relationship has matured. If this is the case you should raise a toast. You are a level up in your relationship. Why? How?
- Well coz you know they are there for you, you call or you dont(you will sense it)
- You might be away and return to see they are still there(shows)
- They couldn’t be with you that evening coz they were out there with their friends(& thats okay!)
- You are openly able to discuss what they dont like about you, what hurt them & would like that altered(thats an expression of belongingness, almost like saying- You are mine, I would like you like THIS…)
- Having said all of that despite the absence you will ensure you somehow express communicate your being around & not being away(it comes most naturally & gets noticed as much. How ? You might hear them vocal about things like- I will be away for so long etc etc)
- Expressing possessiveness once in a while taking the shape of mild jealousies NOT a bad sign( and thats OKAY 🙂 you should realise how much they love you)
- If ever felt done wrong, they will ensure making upto you (sweetest thing done ever)
- You might hear them say they dont trust you!(Well honey there is a reason & you better reach to the grass root level of it. Trust is BUILT, its expressed in actions NOT Words)
Well to conclude there are no rules to the workings of complicated heart & feelings. Hope this benefits you in someway. Apart from that hope you enjoy this journey of relationship lead by you and your partner. Its all a bitter sweet symphony worth every ounce of pleasure in the pain. Good luck 🙂
About the Author
Hi My name is Tanvi, I am a freelance journalist and a writer. Love to express and connect to people. My writings are essentially a part of me. Mainly done writing, involving different styles, from educational to spirituality and travel to various facets of lifestyle.Always been inclined to art. Explored and experimented with all sorts of art. Be it painting on a canvas, creating a wonderland with edibles that tickles your palate, chiseling an attractive world of ideas that can be conceptualized into something working or simply sculpting a world with words with a tang of personal touch. Coming to think of it, anything starting right from crafting, cooking, ideating. Love them all.Besides that, I have a great interest in tarot and spirituality and I feel both of them go hand in hand. Iam an impulsive Tarot Reader, Rider Waite and plain playing cards being among my favourites. Like to think it’s a Devine tool guidance. Omnipotent has means and ways to reach us and is above everything and everyone. Right from the beginning I always found myself penning down my most heartfelt experiences which would always lend such great sense of fulfillment, almost cathartic! Before I realized it grew as a passion and all my strongly felt emotions, experiences, spun into poems, prose and articles. Never hesitated to pen down any promptings that I felt coming from within.This is who I am, this is what I do, I write. Just a few words about who Iam. Iam a mum of a two year old. And oh! No it’s not easy being a mum! Is it? But it’s surely worth all the hard work. And that’s how my freelance career kicked off. Ever since I had my little man, I found it rather tough to juggle between work and looking after the non-stop demands of a little wailing baby. I had turned almost a zombie when I reluctantly decided to freelance. Coz I loved my job at Morrisons. my career didn’t quite start as a writer, though always writing, never disconnecting from the writer inside me, I continued looming up a world of words that found its expression in varied forms. Like any other 20 year old I was enamored by the thought of being independent and the quickest way to do it was a BPO! Well who doesn’t like making money? To be fair, it wasn’t all that bad actually. I realized I loved to connect to people, loved to have a nice laugh with them, strike a rapport, try to help them with all my capacity. Soon, I had a calling from within surely that’s not what I wanted to do, I wanted to write, to express, to reach to people. Which is when Times Group happened; I was a part of online division. Always having a bent towards doing something creative. Times threw me an opportunity to do just that. The job required to me ideate, conceptualize, write for different events. What I enjoyed most was the radio bit, I have sung jingles, broadcasted the forecast subjects Tarot and Astrology. It was all so creative and fun at the same time. Getting married, straight after which I had to leave the job as we moved to the UK, where I started working as a freelance journalist, writer, content developer, alongside working at Morrisons at customer service. Been a part of Aceville Publications, Edge Allen, Morrisons in house magazine. All of us have dreams and aspirations in life. And so do I To be successful, to make a difference. That’s what I would like to do, that’s what I aspire to be.