It has been two years, I am with you. Yes! Two years we are together. After the death of my husband more than fifteen years. Arunangshu Mitra.
My only son Animesh is married now, my grandson one and half years old. Promela my daughter in law, nothing is bad in her but still, I cannot find the chemistry that should be their between mother and daughter, though the whole day we spend together. The only thing common is we were affectionate about our grandson or her son, he is the reason that we are able to be stay with each other.
Me and my son after Arunangshu expired
After Arunangshu’s death life was miserable, parental home though with one bedroom, kitchen and dining. No, I am not saying anything about the poverty we were facing, Arunangshu’s savings and the pension was enough for both of us. I am talking about the loneliness, at the age of 30, I was married at just eighteen. The one bedroom me and my son live, this scary feeling of being alone, no friends and relative simply to share my feelings. Arunangshu was everything for me as most of the Indian housewives are homemaker, home and family that is what we are limited to, we never cook food for ourselves, it is our son who will eat after he returns from school and dinner for both husband and son.
As my world was limited to my son, the small house helped me to survive the loneliness, the absence of my dearest and the only person I was close to.
No! That was not the end, my insecurity revealed again when my son brought Promela home. I found myself more lonely, nothing was left for me, felt like all my job is done, my world, my only son for whom I survived is not with me any more, breakfast my daughter in law is there to prepare, lunch and dinner are also done by her. Someone is there to take care of him, someone more close. What is left for me? Loneliness again! Yes, it was loneliness again. My idleness for the whole day was depressing once again I was imprisoned in that small house, they shifted to the newly constructed bedroom, after their marriage, I felt ignored, though no one was ignoring me.
I have no complaints about my daughter in law but what about the loneliness I felt after handing over my world to her. It was high time I want to put myself out of this miserable feeling. I started with evening walk to the nearest park where I started meeting new friends and it became a necessity for me to keep myself alive.
A reliable hand came towards me
I still remember the evening, it was raining. I had no umbrella and I was waiting under the shade for the rain to stop when Rodrick accompanied me to my house under the single umbrella. That was the beginning of our relationship. No! actually friendship! Every Saturday and Sunday I waited to meet him, he was a clerk in the judicial court, West Bengal. Slowly found myself to be aloof from my friends and close to Rodrick discussing my where and about. Any sort of difficulty or any monetary help, he was there. This was because even he felt the same as me, he was alone, unmarried.
It has been two years, I am with you, cheering on our friendship. Fought against the loneliness finally, at the age of 52 years. I don’t prepare food for him, nor I wash his clothes nor do we stay together, I do nothing for him but still, we are there for each other, together for no reason. Loneliness was there in both of our lives may be this is the only reason for both of us to stand for each other.
I can hear rumours around, an old lady of 52 years is into a relationship with an old man. Unfortunately, this rumour did not bother my son, though my daughter in law seems to be offended. An old lady that too my mother in law is in relation. How could she do this? She did not think about what people are going to say about us? Thankfully, it did not bother my son. I am happy to know this that whether anybody supported me or not but my blood understood me though he did not talk about the matter.
Ah! Its Saturday again!
Today is Saturday and I am waiting for Rodrick at the same place, Yes! It’s the park where we generally meet, everybody knows this, that I am waiting for you, eagerly to share the whole week’s diary. My grandson is playing around on the grass, he joins me regularly, every evening to play in the park. I believe this will carry on through the rest of my life till we survive, simply being friends, lovers and a guide. No boundaries binding us, reliving in the evergreen atmosphere or relationship that we have built with each other. Snigdha, the widow it is me who never feels lonely within the bounded brick walls as she knows that life is all around, so for living your life you have to break the boundaries, step out from bindings think about your own life, make yourself happy, stay satisfied as whatever you may do for your close ones or anyone ignoring yourself will leave you alone not today but someday.
Nothing more I expect from my life when hands of trust and reliability have come to me. All my life I was alone struggling with my loneliness, lots of people are still around me whom I know and they know me but I rarely find anyone who would sit beside me, listen to my word, concerned about me and finally help me to be what I am or what I want to live like. No regrets for anything I have got more today than my lonely yesterdays.
Photo by Artem Kovalev on Unsplash