Married? Better-ed? Or battered?

Husband and Wife Relationship

It is kind of strange how it gets so easily done.  Post marriage how your life dances all jiggety-jag and both partners bear the brunt not blaming one in particular. The part of life that was once so simple and smooth has now mercilessly become nappy- jagged- tufted and all stoney! You carry on though…It gets too difficult to manage the disaster and then you just adapt, learn to live with it. But THAT isn’t marriage really, is it? It is supposed to give you comfort, security in your partner, a family if you please…something to come back to you know feels like coming back ‘home.’

If this is happening great! If’s time for you to really get things sorted before it is too late. Trust me when I say this, it always is a challenge but so worth

I am yet to come across someone who has all rosy things to say about their marriage. It makes me wonder whoever came with up with

‘Marriages are made in heaven,’

Holy liturgy ‘Till death do us apart’

There seems to be some cosmic irony working behind this…To me, it always pre-warns of the ‘impending doom’ lol no! Just a bad joke! Just feel it’s simply stupid and over celebrated affair…It makes me wanna shout back

Hell way Hosay! If it were so things would be so fairytalish! Full of beauty-love-luck-bounties-happily ever afters….No falterings, no failures, no falling, no weakness, no accidents nothing!

And the ‘Till death do us apart’ makes me wanna go- Grow up! Seriously? Too romanticized an affair! ….this is taking things too far…funny as it might seem it almost translates to me into something that means- No matter what…we will drag it..till we die(oh together having a row!)How and why does it get forgotten that people change, circumstances change and with circumstances changing we reactively change..we all do! Don’t we? Not meaning you still cant grow old together or whatever this suggests ha!

Just mean to say that it is not a punishment for heaven’s sake!No! You can help it you can try to make it better.

Sorry not being pessimistic but this just gets at me. So unreal. Totally misses the possibilities that are so likely to occur in reality.

Don’t mean to discourage anyone but this is truly what marriage has come to mean to me…..Don’t get me wrong I still would love to think that ‘marriages are made in heaven!’

Only if they really were lol! Things wouldn’t be as they are…would they really?

Again not giving you a scare but hearing about someone getting married gives me a shudder inside…everyone seems to tell you just the merrier side..but hang on, that’s NOT how things function. With any sort of relationship comes a whole lot of other things like demands, expectations, hopes and oh the list is endless…

Where we falter is that we take for granted and conveniently forget that every relationship is fallible. We make mistakes, we falter, we fail..really just hit the skids in every big and small ways. What happens next? Boom! All gone! All down the drain in one go! Wonder what heaven did all this while lol! Sit and watch the fun while things slipped the disastrous lane..

Oh well! But I say marriages are made in heaven! it makes me feel so drained, spent and weary to even hear or read something as hollow as this..

Something that’s meant to be so happy and merry feels like an A journey that starts from Ahh to What..that changes into -its getting difficult to- I am trying – I am STILL trying to- can’t take this anymore-I am slowly giving up’ and ends with a – I am tired..I am done- finally -I don’t know what to do!- stuck in a limbo!

At this juncture in life spending complete 10 years of a married life of which some were happy, some sad and most of it confused ‘where’s life headed’ days and some ‘I am not sure how to help us’ days. I realised a few things. Most important of which is

It’s just so human to NOT be realistic. We just take things for granted, don’t we? It is a system of pure assumption, don’t know think! We assume all will be gay. We have certain expectations as a spouse and if there is a gap? Whoah, you are done, love! Finish! We start whinging, whining, moaning and groaning. Well no one is virtue personified..are they? We just make mistakes plain and simple as that, don’t we all? And oh, of course, you expect certain behavior when don’t conform to that lol Holy moly aren’t you such a villain!

Sorry I know I am perhaps trivialising the whole very sensitive issue but I can’t help but laugh at the way things are handled. It’s just a joke really! All I am really trying to say is we just overlook the issues that could be cropping which are just so expected. For instance- You are bound to disagree! You are two different individuals who are to spend and share your lives together and NOT there to agree to everything with each other. You could agree to disagree or might come to a consensus. You could well have different opinions and perspective on things and THAT should be okay! And not a bone of contention

Things don’t look great after a while coz you just can’t seem to cope with the ever rising expectations. Cant meet it. Hello! Honey NOT every time is it possible to have things the way you want. Marriage is also about adjustments. Like it or not it CAN’T be my way or highway!

Very deceptively put across- Happily ever after! Really? Hell No! So wrong. Problems can crop up as soon as within the first few days of marriage. Deal with it. It is NOT easy, is it? Well having said that it’s not difficult either if you really wish to sail through. You can surely make it happen with some amount of understanding and openness.

I also do feel it’s taken for a ride that married means you are ‘One Entity.’ yes sure you are as a unit but lovely don’t forget it still involves two individuals who do need their spaces. It is just assumed that the other will follow. Why? Oh, coz that’s the done thing!

Lastly Mr. Elephant ego! – I know it all…I am always right! Oh ok! But that’s what you think let the other person exercise their right and opinions too.

Let’s have a reality check, shall we? Has the marriage better-ed or battered your relationship? Ah, well let’s be real. Maybe a bit of both. Nothing is perfect after all. Is it? So is marriage. Moreover, it’s a give and take relationship, two to tango, right. What if there is actually absence of two within the marriage. The trouble is everyone gets so preoccupied glorifying the whole business of marriage, one almost ignores, maybe forgets the nuances and the baggage it carries with it. To name a few, how about the emotional, psychological needs and the security? Does that exist enough to bolster marriage on a Divine platform? Is there an element or trust, respect within the relationship? What about the unnecessary sacrifices involved way too creepy for some.

Shina an extremely talented, good-natured, over average looking young woman who happens to be well established, independent entrepreneur today has had to go through the grinding, inflicting-grit of her biting marriage. Her marriage has been a rough roller coaster ride which -has been nothing but been corrosive, throttling experience, which almost disintegrated her till she again found her prince charming and has been ‘happily married three times.’( me I could faint!)

Another extreme a friend happily married for 7 years says their -marriage is imperfectly perfect, couldn’t ask for more(You love to romanticise things! Donnu love?)

There you are…stumped! Left to wonder whether or not it’s the compatibility that is the determiner of a great satisfying healthy marriage(made in heaven) if there is any, where lies the disharmony, the discord?  Why is it that at times it is the separation alone that is a solution to salvage the two individuals involved? The most revered element in marriage suddenly disappears. How? Why?

Who doesn’t want to be happy, doesn’t want a partner who is their other half in literally all senses of the word. Other half through pain pricks in life, celebrating all the joys, a shoulder to cry on, a backbone to rely on.

Well, all we can say is let’s hope for the very best and be prepared for the worst. What could be worse than worst after all? You may end up not being together? Is that really all that bad?

The dark truth glares back squarely. Like it or not like any other establishment, its flawlessness and validity grounds in the different contexts of perspectives. Which is definitely debatable.

One is bound to wonder if there is a cosmic irony behind whether marriages are made in heaven. Without a shadow of doubt there seems to be a great confusion, disillusionment regarding this pious institution. Hope there prevails a well thought choice before one commits to ‘till death do us apart.’ Either way. Good luck.

And if you already are a part of this ‘holy institution’ just a little piece of advice- Enjoy the journey some sweet some bitter..take things as they come..accept, be open and adjust..know that things may not always work, there will be many disappointments, She/he me not always be as you want them(accept still as they are) and many other fallings-failings might surround but you could work to make it work…if you will feel lost and bound..make yourself found. Bet the experience will take you somewhere worth coz you have had the heart to deal with something as easy – as difficult as ‘A marriage’

And No! Marriages aren’t made in heaven! It’s made on our planet Earth lol! Heaven can’t do a thing..Please take charge, stay grounded and make things work!

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