Psychological-emotional-mental torture! All it was..He deserved better than this…

I was still in UK when one of my very favourite persons got hitched and I would always be like- I wish I could just attend his wedding…

Bless! his face…such an angel he is…not only very handsome but an amazing person as such…so open…very broad minded…rather chocolatey to look at…way too chocolatey for my liking lol!

I would always joke –  nahhh so not my thing…. who cares who if he is chocolatey lol!

Remember myself how I used to go about shouting this- I don’t do fair and lovely! Look at the irony of life…tied a knot with someone who is just that….strange ways of life…

Just being rather silly I love men rather rustic…stubbles, beard and all….But hey he is a cousin brother…we have grown up together..we are almost same age..he is just 12 months older to me..We are poles apart…we have so not been like each other…he has always been a book warm with all his distinctions etc…heavily into academics while I super active in declamations, debates, but studies…are you joking..so NOT me…I somehow just managed abt 70% studying at the nick of time and that was always an achievement for me…oh and Math..dude you don’t wanna know that bit..don’t wanna embarrass myself on a public platform…..I SO suck at it….with no focus whatsoever..I have always been rather an artist as heart…anything to do with art…love it…while him…Mark has always known all the way through what he always wanted….I have been all over the place lol! Into craft, ideation, cooking, writing…dipped in and out of NIFT….NIA…toyed with the idea of Hotel Management…Media is where I finally settled not coz I essentially wanted to…it just happened and I truly enjoyed/enjoy still…singing-what I most enjoyed my voice projects…being a part of radio…

Anyway…

Did I say my dad had big hesitation me pursuing Hotel Management coz he believed that the lifestyle would not agree with the married life…are you serious Papa? It wasn’t really you who said that…was it? Can’t believe it still…and now I think…however did I buy that…so NOT me..anyway what’s gone is gone…OMG whoever made people believe such a thing as this…might just faint I tellya..

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Mark is an engineer…he wear specs…ever so good…total goodboy…such gentle heart…I love him…he is one cutie…and always has been there for me through all sorts of things and my respect and love for him has only grown with time…More so now…he really has been through some extremely hard times…life has been so cruel to this darling of a person it’s unbelievable…You are but bound to think why such pains to the straight to the basket of such dear souls who are sweetness incarnate…

Well totally…whatever happens happens for good. I couldn’t be happier for him…the nightmare is over…over for good. He is now married to a beautiful young lady who has a way to tickle his right places…heart and the right spots. He sure loves her dearly…can feel the love in the air. How it fills me with deep love for them two newlywed love birds..bless’em ! Heartily wish all the happiness and luck their way. How excited was I and so lucky I was here to be a part of that crazy shopping we did for his beautiful wifey..(…tchh…not sure I am here coz my marriage has gone to pots…) Oh and thanks Mark for buying me the dress that came as a default ..wasn’t a part of the plans…but hey you had to treat me like a lady love ….I came with you to shop for your wifie..lol

Everything is gay and happy but I feel it’s so important that I say this out.

Brace yourself…sorry for my language but she was a total ‘Hoax’…duped him into believing how she loved him…with her extremely deceiving ways and means…using her feminine charms…

She beguiled..misguided…trapped him into her evil ways…coaxed…talked him into believing her….all she did…drained him emotionally….physically….financially….Mark was but left stranded…..nowhere to go…where could he escape…so NOT like him to be harsh…cruel to anyone….leave alone someone who had spent considerable amount of time as a wife…6 years is a long time…..He just wasn’t prepared for all this to come…he kept giving her chances…one after the other…kept hoping…praying…wishing at some point she would realise she is in the wrong and stand corrected…but NO she weren’t gonna stop and she didn’t…it went on and on and on and on….until one day Mark realised there was case filed against him for domestic violence…are you joking? Seriously?

BIG FAT YES….the only thing…Mark…was the victim and not that bitch….

Strange thing…so hard believe that men too are capable of being victimised coz the villain can also be a vamp…a female…the abuser…who has a way with emotional abuse-using her charms…typical of this one….when the dust settled into mellow nights of making love(ahhh while the plotting and planning of the satanic plans were still on…is a totally different story all together)….and Mark was again fooled into believing that things were settling between the two of them and would somehow fill him up with fake hopes of – It can’t be that bad…things will just settle eventually someday…anyday…one fine day…just that THAT day just didn’t arrive….things went on in a vicious circle….bad days…really bad days….things would settle…she apparently would be nice…on the face of things…but things would return back with vengeance….

He still carried on…not giving up hope even with the bleak chances of things getting better…his spirits were beginning to break…wasn’t his happy-chirpy self……he was given threats…while the emotional…subtle abuse was still on- you know I care, let’s make love…make me happy….

God it is pure disgusting…I am so happy he is out of it now…

Obviously…as clear as it might be…physical abuse is surely harmful…but mind games? What about them? Psychological pains-drains-consequences? We don’t often think on those lines..do we?….which may be even severe…

Noticed Mark always uneasy…as though gingerly putting his feet around her…watching thinking through at least thousand times before saying anything else madam would fluster…and Mark would clearly do things to manage the disaster…NEVER realising the disaster was done….he was living in and with disaster…How this woman controlled her..freaks me out…only if I was here to sort the bitch out…forgive me my language but THAT’s her

Definitely it made Mark so not him…he was always as though in fear…expecting worse to happen…a bad news to mushroom….totally killed himself…always looked worried, helpless, desperate and depressed…..

As much I feel guilty I couldn’t be here for him through these pain pricks…I half feel happy that I wasn’t…..Can’t stand the thought of this alone…forget all the evil things that she actually made possible…just to fill her greedy pocket up…

Mark has been through hell of a time. His first marriage been so choking…throttling…strangulating…stifling experience…His X wife such an impossibly wierd person..can’t find the right adjective for her…Evil would be an understatement for her…Mark still never said a word…hoping…expecting…giving her continuous nonstop chances to strike a balance…but she isn’t one of the leagues…It is unbelievable the kind of things she slyly did to Mark…he was slowly disintegrating into nothingness…felt so lonesome and left out….always anxious, nervous….

Sadly all he ever wanted was to have a wife…who he loved dearly…who loved him back and just a normal happy settled life…without a shadow of doubt he had been very accepting….adjusting….understanding…ensured he understood her and she understood him fine…

What is most neglected is the fact that people demerit the possibility of husbands becoming a victim of mental-psychological-emotional trauma. It’s worse than in the normal case coz they seem to suffer in multitudes…coz this is just not recognised and for heaven’s sake don’t they deserve to be happy…have respect…love…and everything else anyone should in their happily married life? Why should they be expected to put up and cope with all this? Just coz they are men?

Let’s think of it this way right–

A friend of mine has sadly had a very abusive husband…and her marriage has been a hub of total chaos full of emotional-psychological-mental trauma…so she goes about asking her closest close about what she can do to improve or lets say asking what does she do simple! I can guarantee most of the people are gonna advise her something on the lines of – WHY TAKE IT?

Counselling …..if a scope for Mr. right to have some sense kicked into his head and treat you like a lady and not a doormat who can be whacked with words…mind games…or smothered with -sweet nothings while making out(Not meaning a thing!)

Be clear about your boundaries of acceptance and which is a dead end and thus won’t be tolerated.

If all else fails..part ways…if can’t be salvaged…if love out of the window and marriage seems dead.

Why should the men be expected to tolerate such nonsense..? Such unacceptable totally personality ruining behaviour? Just coz you may be a spouse doesn’t mean you can get away with anything at all? Constantly hurting- wounding with harsh..cruel..ruthless raspy…caustic words!..Is it coz they are men? (stronger? Pure Bullshit! Forgive me my language but that’s how I feel at the minute…as much human and capable of being hurt as we are…so what if they are NOT as prone to tears as us women might be)

Well simply coz cases such as these….they are bound to go this lane….one partner is way too giving and one just simply abuses…tries to get a complete control over the other…exploits the relation….wants to control the other….goodness that’s not a spouse..sounds like a creep to me..

What is worse is…doesn’t look like it gets even noticed till things just turn to ashes really…all goes to debris…

What he should have done…he should have walked off much earlier…he surely does deserve a better life than that one…and I am glad he has been able to find it….may life shines on him all the happiness…love and luck…Just hope and pray others like him who are stuck….stuck only coz they are way too nice to walk off

….you are precious…you deserve better than this!

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Tanvi Kumar

About the Author

Tanvi Kumar

Hi My name is Tanvi, I am a freelance journalist and a writer. Love to express and connect to people. My writings are essentially a part of me. Mainly done writing, involving different styles, from educational to spirituality and travel to various facets of lifestyle.Always been inclined to art. Explored and experimented with all sorts of art. Be it painting on a canvas, creating a wonderland with edibles that tickles your palate, chiseling an attractive world of ideas that can be conceptualized into something working or simply sculpting a world with words with a tang of personal touch. Coming to think of it, anything starting right from crafting, cooking, ideating. Love them all.Besides that, I have a great interest in tarot and spirituality and I feel both of them go hand in hand. Iam an impulsive Tarot Reader, Rider Waite and plain playing cards being among my favourites. Like to think it’s a Devine tool guidance. Omnipotent has means and ways to reach us and is above everything and everyone. Right from the beginning I always found myself penning down my most heartfelt experiences which would always lend such great sense of fulfillment, almost cathartic! Before I realized it grew as a passion and all my strongly felt emotions, experiences, spun into poems, prose and articles. Never hesitated to pen down any promptings that I felt coming from within.This is who I am, this is what I do, I write. Just a few words about who Iam. Iam a mum of a two year old. And oh! No it’s not easy being a mum! Is it? But it’s surely worth all the hard work. And that’s how my freelance career kicked off. Ever since I had my little man, I found it rather tough to juggle between work and looking after the non-stop demands of a little wailing baby. I had turned almost a zombie when I reluctantly decided to freelance. Coz I loved my job at Morrisons. my career didn’t quite start as a writer, though always writing, never disconnecting from the writer inside me, I continued looming up a world of words that found its expression in varied forms. Like any other 20 year old I was enamored by the thought of being independent and the quickest way to do it was a BPO! Well who doesn’t like making money? To be fair, it wasn’t all that bad actually. I realized I loved to connect to people, loved to have a nice laugh with them, strike a rapport, try to help them with all my capacity. Soon, I had a calling from within surely that’s not what I wanted to do, I wanted to write, to express, to reach to people. Which is when Times Group happened; I was a part of online division. Always having a bent towards doing something creative. Times threw me an opportunity to do just that. The job required to me ideate, conceptualize, write for different events. What I enjoyed most was the radio bit, I have sung jingles, broadcasted the forecast subjects Tarot and Astrology. It was all so creative and fun at the same time. Getting married, straight after which I had to leave the job as we moved to the UK, where I started working as a freelance journalist, writer, content developer, alongside working at Morrisons at customer service. Been a part of Aceville Publications, Edge Allen, Morrisons in house magazine. All of us have dreams and aspirations in life. And so do I To be successful, to make a difference. That’s what I would like to do, that’s what I aspire to be.

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