Relationship problems, dead relationship

How to tell if your relationship is dying a slow death

Is it not a human tendency to witness watch see everything turn to ash right in front of our eyes, to be able to believe it’s all over? Why? Coz its so hard for a human heart to accept the difficult reality. The reality that breaks your heart coz your relationship isn’t all sparks now, its not making you feel secure, its not something that makes you happy anymore, you avoid it, you constantly run away from it.

We live in denial, we go long time before it ends

Often just as the feelings begin to hit us making us realise we are not happy in the relationship, we are unable to accept things as they are. We fight what we see

For a very long time, while things continue dying every minute only making us wonder how terribly sad it is for this to have occured. You wanna deny that in the face but that’s the thing though! It IS so in the face you CAN’T deny it.

We tend to keep trying, even go a painstakingly long time dragging it somehow before it takes the last breath & dies

Damn they see it, do they? Yes your other half does

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While you live in lurch as to how to control this situation you try to strike a balance while your other half sees through you

The fact that you guys have been so close to each other, these things are no brainer to be understood or sensed

 

Dead yet kept, simply namesake. Together but hardly together

Isnt it rather strange that despite & in spite of being dead there ARE relations that just stay, stay long enough for it to add to the morbidity of the situation.

However having said that never mean to say that – that in itself is a fiasco, NO!

But whats important is to take an action to fix if it can be or move out whatever be the case.

You might wanna know why of breaking up!

Here- Well if you are still finding being able to get some sort of value from it, only fair that you keep it going

However IF your partner (no matter how much you care for them) seems to be harming you emotionally-psychologically rather than improving the already broken you there is not much point keeping such relationship. Is there?

How exactly would you know that? Ask yourself

  • Are they making you feel secure or insecure?

  • Are they making you smile more than getting you upset?

  • Are you guys fighting more than spending happy times together?

We feel justified in our reasons to stay in such relationship

Mostly, in a long association, the comfort that builds convinces us enough & thus we feel justified in staying the way things are though our hearts have already checked out of it.

We feel responsible, perhaps guilt bound to look after the other half coz we own it as our lookout to ensure securing them.(whether we really are by doing this is a different question)

We mean well by all means, ourselves disintegrating every minute coz we are neither true to our self or our partner.

Boom! It falls apart eventually though you tried to drag it out of the downfall

Not like your other half doesnt know that you are split & walked out on them they just are letting things be to see how far they can take it in the hope that things might improve.

It brings unimaginable hurts the day its all out in the open coz the partner feels all the more unwanted, pitied upon. Not fair, is it?

Why is it better off moving on

You may be resigned to the situation but somewhere deep within you, have already cut them off you

Do you catch yourself thinking ‘I was better off alone, I wish I could be single again’

Dont we just start feeling like we are missing on hell lot. Ever thought why? Its coz your relationship doesn’t suffice you in the way it should. You dont find happiness, sense of freedom, security, fun. For all you know you terse up!

 

You know  exactly what you are NOT giving that you should

We start overlooking things that we know we are expected to deliver, we are well aware we should but we just dont. We dont care enough anymore

We convince ourselves that we are being just coz they were not so important in the first place. Tell ourself whats the big deal

Aggressive, contemptful body language

Constantly dismiss, criticise, look down upon your partner, belittle them. May or may not use words but sadly more use body language to express your disapproval of them in every way.

Rolling eyes, kissing the teeth with contempt & disapproval reflecting diminishing respect.

In order to maintain the peace you buckle down and just resign to things

You think & decide – no end to this vicious circle might as well just go to the mute mode

Simply dont wanna do this, cant be asked. Iam gonna turn blind, deaf & dumb though inside its filling you up with intense bitterness

You disagree every ounce but wont say a word coz you would rather be there atleast peace be there if nothing else

You are in a shutdown mode

Dont anymore think of them with much respect, dont think highly of them no more

You are with them coz you are expected to be, coz you should

Where there is an element of pressure, force doesn’t pave way to growth. The natural spontaneity is curtailed.

Physical chemistry, affection, love can’t be forced out of you or your partner if they don’t feel it from within. If the source has dried out it can sprout, can it?

It is difficult to step out of & walk away from a relationship no matter how long or short lived it might have been. The trouble is though if the relationship is only just adding to embroiling bitterness, you might be lingering on out of wishing to coz of the responsibility you feel towards them. Which is understandable. Ever wondered though that despite & inspite of your generous, kind, good intentions you are doing something that is gonna harm more than help the situation. Coz staying on is feeding into the bitterness, negativity.

Honestly no one has to force, pressure oneself into this arrangement to justify its existence!

Things may have been great for you earlier on but it is NOT so anymore, accept it.

There shouldn’t be any sort of guilt, shame or failure associated in any manner.

If you see a few symptoms of such a scenario doesn’t necessarily mean you should end it straight away. This is ONLY & SOLELY after you have given your relationship all you had, all you were & still it failed. In such a case there is no point prolonging the hurts.

It’s only fair to see & be sure to rule out any shadow of doubts, that you really DO NEED to separate and part ways.

 

Ask yourself if we are lingering on coz we wish to or we are too frightened to leave. Will staying in the relationship be making things any better for you?

Do you realise by doing this you could be closing the possibility of your being happy & content?

If you are stuck in such a situation, you need to know you deserve love as much as your partner does. It is only fair that they get the love they deserve and so do you.

Ultimately it is all upto you, it’s your decision. Just remember whatever it is you do hold your own self responsible. If your current situation makes you feel miserable & unhappy. You are yourself responsible for your situation.

If you are here reading this and feel lost. It is NOW to act before it’s too late.

Wish you all life full of love, bliss & bounty. 🙂

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Tanvi Kumar

About the Author

Tanvi Kumar

Hi My name is Tanvi, I am a freelance journalist and a writer. Love to express and connect to people. My writings are essentially a part of me. Mainly done writing, involving different styles, from educational to spirituality and travel to various facets of lifestyle.Always been inclined to art. Explored and experimented with all sorts of art. Be it painting on a canvas, creating a wonderland with edibles that tickles your palate, chiseling an attractive world of ideas that can be conceptualized into something working or simply sculpting a world with words with a tang of personal touch. Coming to think of it, anything starting right from crafting, cooking, ideating. Love them all.Besides that, I have a great interest in tarot and spirituality and I feel both of them go hand in hand. Iam an impulsive Tarot Reader, Rider Waite and plain playing cards being among my favourites. Like to think it’s a Devine tool guidance. Omnipotent has means and ways to reach us and is above everything and everyone. Right from the beginning I always found myself penning down my most heartfelt experiences which would always lend such great sense of fulfillment, almost cathartic! Before I realized it grew as a passion and all my strongly felt emotions, experiences, spun into poems, prose and articles. Never hesitated to pen down any promptings that I felt coming from within.This is who I am, this is what I do, I write. Just a few words about who Iam. Iam a mum of a two year old. And oh! No it’s not easy being a mum! Is it? But it’s surely worth all the hard work. And that’s how my freelance career kicked off. Ever since I had my little man, I found it rather tough to juggle between work and looking after the non-stop demands of a little wailing baby. I had turned almost a zombie when I reluctantly decided to freelance. Coz I loved my job at Morrisons. my career didn’t quite start as a writer, though always writing, never disconnecting from the writer inside me, I continued looming up a world of words that found its expression in varied forms. Like any other 20 year old I was enamored by the thought of being independent and the quickest way to do it was a BPO! Well who doesn’t like making money? To be fair, it wasn’t all that bad actually. I realized I loved to connect to people, loved to have a nice laugh with them, strike a rapport, try to help them with all my capacity. Soon, I had a calling from within surely that’s not what I wanted to do, I wanted to write, to express, to reach to people. Which is when Times Group happened; I was a part of online division. Always having a bent towards doing something creative. Times threw me an opportunity to do just that. The job required to me ideate, conceptualize, write for different events. What I enjoyed most was the radio bit, I have sung jingles, broadcasted the forecast subjects Tarot and Astrology. It was all so creative and fun at the same time. Getting married, straight after which I had to leave the job as we moved to the UK, where I started working as a freelance journalist, writer, content developer, alongside working at Morrisons at customer service. Been a part of Aceville Publications, Edge Allen, Morrisons in house magazine. All of us have dreams and aspirations in life. And so do I To be successful, to make a difference. That’s what I would like to do, that’s what I aspire to be.

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