Second innings: Problems in second marriage.

Second marriage! Always comes with a lot of paranoia, anxiety of all shades, if you please, & expectations. Whether or not it is a good idea, is debatable. The one thing that one should of-course think of though, when considering a ‘remarriage’ is, nothing comes without its fair share of problems & challenges.

In an idyllic world, love happens, straight after which are exchanged the vows of ‘I do.’ Who would have ever thought that the world that was meant to have been fairytale-ish happy does go to pots. There you go, life strikes! You are left flabbergasted wondering what happened to all that love, those promises of being in love till eternity.

Well! The sad truth is you CANNOT plan life. There are no guarantees that things will always go per plan. Failures are bound to occur, errors do happen, we do get lost, you do get disappointed,disheartened, bad decisions do happen. If nothing else, nothing controls the cosmic plan. Sad enough there is no way to control  mishappenings. Deaths, divorces, accidents, they are all reality of life. You just cannot control that.

What you CAN control though, is how to paint your canvas of life. With happier shades? With brighter hopes? With letting the heavens shine on you once again. Changing the direction of tides by fighting it out.

Whats is the good news though, is you DO have a chance to turn your life around. You can make make your own seasons, your springs occur. Nothing in life should let you have a biased opinion.

We live a life that is far from perfect. Apart from premature deaths occurring due to accidents etc leave behind young spouses left stranded, at times life’s strange ways leave you stranded, confused and all lonely. If nothing else, many couples simply part ways coz they cant last together & marriages end in a sad collapse.

What if things didn’t work for the first time, you had to part ways, its OK! It didn’t work, painful it might have been but parting ways was the best decision rather than continuing to live a life full of discontentment, disconnect & discord.

Even when with great difficulties when you do decide to tie a knot again, most of your excitement already has fizzled out and that is understandable.

More so, in a second marriage coz

• No matter what, you don’t wanna fail it this time around. –  Stay positive, just coz first didnt turn right doesnt mean this wont too.

• You are anxious if things will go right. – simply! Make it go right, it’s all in your hands. Play your cards right & all will be alright.

• Hurts, you dread those unhealing smarts from your old relationships. – Its NOT the same relationship, is it? Unless you give yourself a chance to forget the past you are refusing the healing,

• Phantoms of memories come back to haunt, discouraging you to go ahead with your decision. – Get past the ‘past.’ It’s done and dusted. Let the bygones be bygones.

• Your faith feels shaken, you wonder if THIS is good enough a decision or give up the idea. – Nothing can go wrong unless you let it. Trust your instincts at such times. If they feel like the right person & you haven’t felt such comfort with anyone before, all will fall in place. Just trust!

• You are excited about the fresh new life yet something constantly pulls you down.- Don’t let it, simple! Anxieties are fine and understandable, just don’t let them bog you down. Take a deep breath. Its ok & natural for you to worry.

• You worry to death wondering what’s the guarantee this time it will go right.- Well! There are NO guarantees in life. Having said that, no guarantee that your worry is justified either. Give things a chance, give yourself a chance.

• If you have laid your trust in the right hands. – If you hadn’t you guys wouldn’t have come this far.

• You have nightmares the same issues recurring, same differences, same discords. –  It is fair to use your first marriage as the means to gauge the key differences, should there be a chance for it to reoccur. Those differences can be sought & not be dragged into the second marriage.

• One of acquaintances had remarried and that ended up in  a divorce & that gives you a shudder.- Just coz their second marriage failed doesn’t mean yours too will.

• This time there is no room for an error, no mistakes. You chose this, you wanted this, it all felt right. – Do NOT make mistakes, set the right expectations from the very start. From your end just do all that is right and you are good to go!

Apart from that, there are some things though that can be done to ensure all does go right. Rest, of course things will be how you handle them to be. Handle them right & they will be right without a shadow of doubt.

1. Having a healthy relationship with the parents & the extended family is of great importance, can’t be ignored. Realise that its not possible to have a great relationship with everyone but DO NOT have a bitter relation either. Can’t be in good books, simple don’t be in bad either!

2. You have to ensure that things are handled sensitively when dealing with children from the previous relationship. Kids deserve to have you both to love & be loved. You NEED to strike the rapport with them. ‘Selfish’ you CAN’T be, no! Not when kids are involved.

3. Don’t expect things to be perfect from the very start. Problems are bound to be there, challenges will still be there. You must exhibit perseverance, patience and appreciation when dealing with each other.

4. Don’t assume things. Just coz you had a problem on a certain aspect in your previous relationship doesn’t mean you will have it now too. Accept the change & do not be biased.

5. The spouses involved must adjust to reflect the changing marriage equations-arrangement and sometimes can take longer than planned . Be at peace with it. Things can take time & that’s OKAY!

6. No matter what, your spouse should mean the most to you at cost. Put them first, no egos involved.

7. Remember things can’t be perfect overnight & realise that life is far from perfect. It is absolutely normal to have disagreements in life. Agree to disagree.

8. You must develop, nurture a great relationship. Before being great lovers, great spouses, work at being best of friends with each other. Understanding should just come like should the trust.

9. As much as it is important to function as a team, be together in each and everything, it is equally important to get a life of your own. Remember you are ONE and a team yet two separate individuals with perhaps differences and that is healthy.

As for the rest, start everything on a positive note. Remember you are turning a new leaf in life, forget the past & do not let the experiences of the past rub on you. Smile and the life will smile back at you. Trust in your spouse, trust in your relationship, trust in life. Know and understand that every happening has a reason, this is happening for a reason too. Take a leap of faith & believe in yourself. You have it in you to make things as you want them to be.

Let the second innings rock for you!