Shhhhh NO! You are married God damnit!

Right! So the one thing that I constantly seem to try and understand(which I fail to) is as much as I realise that marriage is an institution that is built with  trust, love, inseparable bond of ‘security’ that either provide to the other, makes them ‘married’ right?

Do please feel free to disagree with me if I am wrong coz I till date have massive distrust in this whole so overrated institution that is revered for being something destined to be pious-unblemished! Hell no!

Relationships are complicated and to me so is marriage. It takes a lot to be married than one can imagine and it takes far more to stay married and even more to continue cultivating all the love-nurturing-babying the ‘marriage’ takes.

Can’t seem to get over the pain that feels so difficult to even conceive. I am on about this awesome handsome someone who has this total beauty for a wife, who is apparently expecting his second. Hey hurrahhh! ‘Celebrations’ is it? I wish! It just breaks my heart to even think what this man is doing to himself and his wife.  What ever would have been the motivation to strike an affair with yet another gorgeous Ms. Married, it so doesn’t feel right somehow.

Don’t get me wrong I totally do understand how easily love might happen to anyone with anybody. Do you really have to act on every impulse though? More so, if your marriage is everything but marriage. You seriously miss your spouse and the love then may be. Both of which miss in your marriage. Total green flags!

I realise that extramarital doesn’t start off in vacuum. There always is a great deal more that goes into breaking the norms of the society. The few reasons that I am able to think of are

  • We revere fidelity! Must only be intimate with your own wife or hubby! Yup! That’s correct but what if your spouse refuses what should come spontaneously to you as a part of marriage. You are denied the intimacy.
  • Married but not married. Loveless hollow marriage with no emotional connect.
  • Something seriously missing in the marriage and that is why things have fallen apart between  the two.
  • A distraction! Fun! Seriously? Are you kidding me? Well! No you heard me right! There are some great souls out there who just want some unnecessary adventure in their lives despite and inspite of things being great in their marriage.

Alright! Mr. handsome is obsessed with this Ms. gorgeous wife of the other, so much so he wants to marry her. Right or wrong, I am no one to judge that. If it was me if I was really in love I  would marry her by all means, granted that my marriage was a total mess-up. This seems to be a little confusing story though. Never for once was the word ‘love’ used with their reference nor was the unhappiness ever indicated in their respective marriages. So what is it after all?

Love? Are they in love and want to marry! Okay! I personally might buy it but I can never understand-

HOW people manage sailing in two boats at the same time? Make your life easier choose one. You aren’t a kid lovey, cant have all. Are you saying you love her and she loves you too?

If so, I buy it totally then WHY continue the marriage? Taken that marriage eroded before the affair kicked off! Why the hell keep the marriage and the affair? Why make four innocent lives involved suffer? Why?

Biggest issue seems to be people just wanna huff and puff about things rather than giving the right advice. What do you hear when people open up their hearts and tell you they love so and so or are having an extra marital. What do you hear?

  • Shoooosshhhh No! You CAN’T! You gotta wife mate…Okay! You can’t but what if there is a good reason and that reason is justified?
  • Leave things the way they are! You must NOT walk out of your marriage…Wow! Why leave things the way they are? Befool yourself and the two involved?
  • You got kids…Whoahhhh you have kids great but cheat your husband or wife and even kids.
  • Marriage is NOT a child’s play! Hell no! Says who its is? That is why your’s failed love. You need to correct your mistake move on or fix it!
  • Don’t think about these things! That is NOT important, concentrate on your marriage. True! Concentrate on your marriage. Try all in your honest individual capacity to fix and salvage the situation if possible. Why DO NOT think about “these things” only the ones in the situation know what is going on with them. Who knows “these things” are important to him and have come to mean so much so that stepping out of marriage may be the only way out to ensure everyone is happy.

Let’s face it. This wedlock is slippery, a wrong footing and there you skidding your way to the never seeming to end torments. Incase you are wondering what is that wrong footing? Well I don’t really know, coz its different to different people. It all boils down to the same consequence though whatever that particular ‘wrong footing’ for you be-

  • You have somehow managed to make your marriage a living hell. All it is now is hollow structure that comprises the two of you but is loveless.
  • You may be together yes, but are you really?
  • What has gone wrong?
  • Why did it go wrong?
  • Is there a way for you to salvage the situation?
  • Do you intend to attempt to reconcile?
  • Is it pure enough and you have decided you are done and you strongly feel you are choked? You feel like you have had enough and you just wanna step out?
  • Do you somehow in the hearts of hearts know it’s all gone terribly wrong?
  • Do you feel given up in your relationship, so you just exist in it physically?
  • Does your heart feel like it is out of this so called marriage?
  • Are you somehow in love with someone else?

Such dissatisfaction, unhappiness, emptiness, a strange sense of waste surrounds you. You feel hopelessly overwhelmed.All you wish is if dreams could somehow be true and you could for once be in love with your wife or husband and be like lovers again but are NOT. So want to be happy but you are not.

You really are desperate to step out and somehow can’t? Reasons? Well they span right from ‘how can I?’ to ‘Kids!’ or even ‘Though I could sail through, well I might, I’ve stuck for years! Might as well plod along’

So how do you handle this situation? To me there really is only two ways to go about it

Either fix it, whatever it takes. Make it work with your spouse.


Step out mate! It is no brainer! If you really are so unhappy that you are beginning to disintegrate.

I hope and pray that people somehow manage to work out the first bit however realistically it always is not possible so if it is the latter part, so be it! You are NOT making a  mistake love, you are saving your life and spouse’s. Your spouse deserves happiness as much as you do. Save the two of you from this unnecessary suffering.

DON’T just – Shhhhhhhhh…You are married!

So what? At times life requires you to take difficult steps. Do it by all means if it is the right thing for you to do. You never need to endure anything, more relationships, inside or outside marriage. You will know what is the right thing to do and the right person will resonate. Just don’t ignore the signs. Don’t be talked into believing things. Think things through.

Don’t endure marriage! Live it, love it!

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Tanvi Kumar

About the Author

Tanvi Kumar

Hi My name is Tanvi, I am a freelance journalist and a writer. Love to express and connect to people. My writings are essentially a part of me. Mainly done writing, involving different styles, from educational to spirituality and travel to various facets of lifestyle.Always been inclined to art. Explored and experimented with all sorts of art. Be it painting on a canvas, creating a wonderland with edibles that tickles your palate, chiseling an attractive world of ideas that can be conceptualized into something working or simply sculpting a world with words with a tang of personal touch. Coming to think of it, anything starting right from crafting, cooking, ideating. Love them all.Besides that, I have a great interest in tarot and spirituality and I feel both of them go hand in hand. Iam an impulsive Tarot Reader, Rider Waite and plain playing cards being among my favourites. Like to think it’s a Devine tool guidance. Omnipotent has means and ways to reach us and is above everything and everyone. Right from the beginning I always found myself penning down my most heartfelt experiences which would always lend such great sense of fulfillment, almost cathartic! Before I realized it grew as a passion and all my strongly felt emotions, experiences, spun into poems, prose and articles. Never hesitated to pen down any promptings that I felt coming from within.This is who I am, this is what I do, I write. Just a few words about who Iam. Iam a mum of a two year old. And oh! No it’s not easy being a mum! Is it? But it’s surely worth all the hard work. And that’s how my freelance career kicked off. Ever since I had my little man, I found it rather tough to juggle between work and looking after the non-stop demands of a little wailing baby. I had turned almost a zombie when I reluctantly decided to freelance. Coz I loved my job at Morrisons. my career didn’t quite start as a writer, though always writing, never disconnecting from the writer inside me, I continued looming up a world of words that found its expression in varied forms. Like any other 20 year old I was enamored by the thought of being independent and the quickest way to do it was a BPO! Well who doesn’t like making money? To be fair, it wasn’t all that bad actually. I realized I loved to connect to people, loved to have a nice laugh with them, strike a rapport, try to help them with all my capacity. Soon, I had a calling from within surely that’s not what I wanted to do, I wanted to write, to express, to reach to people. Which is when Times Group happened; I was a part of online division. Always having a bent towards doing something creative. Times threw me an opportunity to do just that. The job required to me ideate, conceptualize, write for different events. What I enjoyed most was the radio bit, I have sung jingles, broadcasted the forecast subjects Tarot and Astrology. It was all so creative and fun at the same time. Getting married, straight after which I had to leave the job as we moved to the UK, where I started working as a freelance journalist, writer, content developer, alongside working at Morrisons at customer service. Been a part of Aceville Publications, Edge Allen, Morrisons in house magazine. All of us have dreams and aspirations in life. And so do I To be successful, to make a difference. That’s what I would like to do, that’s what I aspire to be.

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