“Every good conversation starts with a good listener”, and yes that is so true.
Imagine a couple trying to put forward their point of view during a discussion and they are not reaching a decision.
One needs to stop and listen to make the conversation go forward and to reach a conclusion.
In a marriage, with so many complex matters involving emotional upheavals and outbursts , it becomes more and more difficult to not react , no matter how calm a personality you have.
But, one must always think about the bigger picture to understand the importance of letting your ears hear them out, their side of the story , their perspective to open up the communication line.
An angry outburst from your partner may provoke you to talk or even swear sometimes, but it requires conscious effort to first listen to their reason for getting angry and hurt in the first place.
It may have actually been your mistake or a negligence, like not waking them up in time or leaving the floor untidy the night before.
It is better not to be judgemental , but to give them a fair chance to put their point across.
In the end, if you both find out that you were not at fault, and had to hear this ranting unnecessarily, you will get a sorry immediately !
Here are a few tips to control and manage your behavior patterns for what suits you best, or whichever is easier according to your temperament to prevent a full-blown argument with the two of you battling it out with unfair words.
• Stop Interrupting: Lend a ready ear and do not butt in while your spouse is speaking. Let them finish first and if you still do not agree with them , put your point forward.
Rest your chin in your hand or even fold your hands to convince yourself to not interrupt during such conversations.
• Listen Attentively: If you sense that red signal with your spouse about to set off, try to neutralize the situation by switching your attention to them , however difficult and unobvious it might seem. Making direct eye contact, stopping your work for a while and especially that TV or mobile gadget will promote positive communication. Or else the fight will change direction towards you for being arrogant and ignoring them when they speak!
• Respect their opinion: It will definitely hurt your ego to accept or bend towards their opinion and feel submissive. But, it is sometimes okay to respect their opinions, even if you do not agree at that point of time. You can explain your angle to them after they have cooled down and achieve their respect …
• Listener’s Block : Try to avoid any form of strategy which blocks your communication with your partner , be it verbal, emotional or any unintended behavior.
Pre judging, stonewalling, criticizing, forming opinions, trying to shift the blame or avoiding and cutting the conversation are some roadblocks to overcome.
• No Advice: No one likes to listen to advice when angry and hurt. So, try to avoid a volcano when you can with this tip of advice!
• Stay Focused ,Don’t Deviate: It is very easy and common to start mud slinging and bringing up the past mistakes of your spouse to justify your mistake or an opinion. This is a very common reason for escalated fights since it can put across the message that you never forgot or forgave them in the past for their mistakes and decided to use them as weapons in the future.