When divorce turns the enemy

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Rejection for choosing an already divorced life partner

Scenario: Ms.W has been trying to cope up with a failed marriage post her divorce. She has already taken the right step to protect her infant child from her abusive father. He happens to believe that girls are a burden to the family, and tries his level best to get the child aborted. Ms. M is too intelligent and smartly convinces him that it is a male child. After seeing the child’s face after birth, her husband is too shocked and starts assaulting her physically. Ms. M faces this constant trouble from her in-laws and opts for a divorce. She happens to meet Mr. M at a yoga class and they fall for each other. Ms. W admits about her past life to Mr. M so that there be nothing hidden between them. He accepts her love with open arms and starts developing a strong bond with her child. A year passes by and he proposes to her one day. She obviously doubts the decision of getting married as she is well aware of the social stigma she and her child may have to face. What with Mr. M being single and she being a divorcee, with a two-year-old kid.
He says he has taken this decision after analyzing the whole situation and does not care about the society. She is still doubtful whether his parents will accept her and not accuse her of trying to take advantage of him.

Point of View:

Parents(of Mr.M)
” We can sympathize with a woman who is a divorcee but accepting her as our son’s life partner will become difficult for us due to the social stigma and opposition we might face from our relatives.
” We will have to surely forget our plans for a dream wedding for our son, as would have been possible with a single woman.
” What will we say and explain about the child and the adjustment problems we will have to deal with stepchildren in our family.
” She will definitely be an experienced mother, having dealt with finances, upbringing and household work together. Will they as a couple be able to strike a balance between their varying personalities?
” Our son may lose out on his friends and his social life, as people usually are not open-minded about maintain relationships with divorced people in the family.
” Will her child be able to accept our son as a father and not as a stranger?
” If they extend their family in the future, how will affect the relationship between the stepchildren?
” What if her ex-husband tries to disrupt her life in future due to any reason and tries to drag matters to court, for custody of the child? Our family may be summoned to the police station or even have to go to court. This disruption of our normal life and its uncertainty is what scares us the most.

Couple (Ms. W and Mr. M)
” We are completely aware of each other’s expectations, personal space, and preferences of life. That was the main reason we connected and hit it off so well in the first place.
” We know that we have a child already to take care of and that she may feel her mother is being stolen by a stranger and take time for overcoming her insecurities.
” We will have only true and well-meaning friends standing by our side after our marriage, and not those who show pity and compassion just for the sake of feeling in a “superior” marital state compared to us.
” With social responsibilities and parental roles more mature than our marriage, we may face a tough time emotionally if we are left alone.
” We believe we are now strong enough to let criticism roll off our backs and are ready for making little compromises in our daily life.
” We feel normal and would expect all around us(at least our family members) to not make us feel like outcasts for taking a modern decision, which is actually very good for the society when seen from a broader perspective.

Tips
” It is better to have a heart to heart conversation with your parents and try to clearly make them understand the real reason for the divorce(of Ms. W), showing them valid proof and supporting legal documents.
” Explain to them about the necessity of the marriage and how well you connect together as a couple.
” Arrange an exhaustive set of meetings till your parents are totally convinced about your decision.
” Explain to them about how we cannot change the mindset of the society but can actually set an example for the society by accepting a divorced daughter-in-law and her child with pride.
” Meet like-minded families and take them into confidence for moral support for your parents, so that they do not fear the social stigma factor.
” Highlight the positive aspects of each other’s personalities. Show how Ms. W struggled and confronted difficult times in her life and adapted to multiple roles to come out on top finally. Show that these qualities are not possible with a normal single woman!
” Convince them that you have become a better person and understood the real meaning of responsibility .(hinting at the child especially)
” If your parents are still not convinced, give them some more time to think it over. In the meantime, shower love on the child to make her feel wanted and also convince your parents about your promising role as her new father.(for Mr. M especially).

Confronting the break in tradition-Part 6

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Adeeba Riaz

About the Author

Adeeba Riaz

Hi, I am Adeeba.I’m a freelance writer and a full time mom who likes writing intriguing stories and poems. I love leading my readers on an escape from everyday life. Nature is my inspiration and I firmly believe that self confidence is a key to success. My educational background includes an MTech in Computer Science and Engineering. I have a B.E. in Computer Science from M.J. College in Hyderabad, India. I have a research article on machine learning to my credit on IJEIR journal for Engineering research. Art mesmerizes me and reading fiction is my hobby.

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