Single By Choice

There is this funny incident I would love to share with all of you. Once, I was approached by a guy. Naturally, I rejected his so-called proposal. There is no place for the brain-dead zombies in my life. You can be a stud, hunk or drop dead handsome (I wouldn’t mind a drop-dead handsome wink wink). Never mind, let’s not get into the looks part now. Being a sapiosexual, intelligence is my biggest turn on. The guy lacked the basic skills of striking a mentally stimulating conversation. My reply was simple, “I am sorry, I am in no mood for a relationship right now. I love being single.” “So what, I am also single,” came the prompt response.

This one was not willing to leave without getting his ego shattered into pieces. Looking straight into his eyes, I declared, “I am single by choice. You are single because you have no choice.” The guy looked like a boy to me all of a sudden. To normalize the situation, I burst into fake laughter. After that day, I didn’t hear from him ever again. But I can bet, to this day, the shards of his broken ego must be hurting real bad. Every time he tried to pull a stunt of Bollywood inspired proposals.

Once, I was sitting with a friend of mine. She had had a breakup recently. Instead of being happy it was over she was wailing like a child. Like a true blue lover. She too felt a heavy lead in the place of her heart. She was devoid of all happiness. Each and everything around her reminded her of her past. Things as trivial as morning and night. To something as dramatic as “Birthday,” and “Valentine’s Day,” brought back a flood of memories.

As I sat with her listening to the same old story. Unable to bear the torture, I suggested her to seek external help. Reaching out to her phone she searched “Broken Hearted Quotes,” “Sad Love Poems,” and similar some melodramatic materials online. Tears welled her big brown eyes as she read out a quote to me. “Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.” This time I didn’t feel like being a cold-blooded cynic. What she needed at that time. A big bad JAADU KI JHAPPI (miraculous bear hug).

What could possibly have been a consoling therapy, totally backfired. Riya was always the sensitive and naïve one. Strangely but true, Einstein is right, “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” Else people would have taken great measures to save their sorry selves from falling into this pit. Don’t take me wrong. I am not an ice-princess. Quite contrary, I am a diehard romantic. I can write the most romantic love poems. My shelf is filled with romance novels. The list of my all-time favorite romantic movies is endless. But I like to maintain a visible line between being in love and being foolishly in love.

Pulling Riya out of love was my main priority. Patting her back, I asked her gently, “Why should I smile it happened?” Riya looked at me confused. “What should make me happy, the breakup or the relationship?” was my next question. “Listen, please don’t start with your hate charade,” Riya tried to silence me. All in vain. My intentions were clear. She had to move on. For long she had been clutching her pain to her bosom like a soft toy. It was about time it should go.

Handing her a hot cup of tea. The table was all set for the breakup therapy. “Listen, sweetheart, here are the most effective, scientifically proven tips to help you forget your ex.” This is how I explained her each point one after another. Following any one of them would help a lovelorn person forget one’s ex. There are so many who create perfect grounds to fall in love with love filled romance novels, movies, songs, and gift ideas. Someone must also take the initiative to discuss how to mend a broken heart.

Love Yourself

For long, you have loved someone who did not deserve your love. Why do you call when you know nobody would answer it? Why do you send text messages when you know it too well that all you are going to receive is silence? It is easy to fall in love, difficult to remain in love (for some), and close to impossible (not true) for someone to fall out of love. For long you chose to love someone or so many of them who did not love you back. Do you know why? You don’t love yourself enough. This is the reason why you want others to give you love. All things genuine must come from within. Until and unless you don’t love yourself enough. Nobody is worthy enough to fill the void. Stand in front of the mirror every day. Look at yourself in the eyes and say “I Love You.” Let it register. Try to concentrate on your best features and be glad you are ATTRACTIVE. Make it a point to pamper yourself. Go to the salon. Change your look. Buy new clothes. Turning heads would boost your ego. It will add to your happiness and increase your importance in front of your eyes.

Do What You Love, Love What You Do

Try out new things. Enroll yourself in a gym. Go out on a vacation. Try something new like painting, dancing or maybe shooting. Getting involved in new activities would act as the best diversion. Surround yourself with people you love. Being a part of extreme sports is also a good idea. Plan an evening with friends. Do whatever makes you happy. Make sure, you don’t have any nagging thoughts at the back of your mind. Under no circumstances, you are to think, “I want to forget my past.” A whole new world awaits you. Don’t look back. There is nothing in there that you don’t already know. YOLO or You only live once is so not true. You live each and every day of your life. you only die once. Till the time your time is not up. Live up your life. Live it up to the fullest. Life is brimming with happiness. Reach out and grab your share of happiness. It is your right.

Role Model

Remember the Bollywood flick Jab We Met? The female lead was a carefree devil may care sort of girl. She made the depressed and lovelorn lead character shred the picture of his ex and flush it down the drain. It was a stupid act. But he loved it. Soon she became his role model and he emulated her in every walk of his life. You should also think of certain someone whom you came across your in your life. Be it someone close, or someone you came across in books, TV or movies. Try to follow them and behave like them in time of distress.

As I was narrating this particular point to Riya, she jumped, “I will follow your footsteps. Sensible from outside and naïve from inside.” Throwing her my most incredulous looks, “What do you mean? This sentence makes no sense. Do you think I am a fool.” Hugging me she confirmed, “No, I mean, I love you, please go on. I so love your tips.” Riya pushed me to continue.

Don’t Try To Forget What Is Already Forgotten

The biggest mistake most of us do while dealing with a broken heart. We try and try to forget the past. Try to make sure that none of the things associated with your past must disturb you. Don’t try to change the love songs the two of you enjoyed together. Don’t try to avoid the places you two frequented. Anything that has a chance of reminding you of your ex must be accepted with this confirmation, “What is gone is gone for good. I cannot do anything to change my past. Additionally, there is nothing I want to do to change my present or future so that my ex can come back.”

Your ex is like a white bear to you now. The more you will try to not think about it the greater is the chance for it to resurface. Hence, just let it go. Let the past be. Don’t do anything, and by anything, I mean anything to forget him/her. Be happy with what you got. When the thoughts of your ex pops up. Think about that person. Remember that person is not there anymore. You are on your own. You be the ruler of your life. Live it the way you feel best.

The tear-drenched face of Riya suddenly looked so fresh. That day I realized. The demons lie within us. If we are happy from within. Nobody and nothing else matters. All we need is a trigger. Riya’s trigger was my hug followed by the self-realization that she should love herself first. Nobody can love you if you don’t love yourself. Nobody would find you precious if you consider yourself worthless. I know someone out there is meant for me. Till then, let me enjoy my own company. Let me remain single. It is my choice. What is yours?!!

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Anjum Baba

About the Author

Anjum Baba

I am a storyteller, healer, seeker, and wanderer. Knowledge cannot be bottled in mere degrees. Even though I hold a Masters degree in English, still, I consider myself to be just a student. I am a voracious reader, prolific writer and big time movie buff. Rules and boundaries have always bored me. Writing helps me break all barriers and dogma. Curious and inquisitive to know about the world, universe, and multiverse, and the beings living in it. Since interacting with the aliens or creatures from other planets is not possible for me now. I would love to hear from my readers and interact with them.

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